ex step father
My husband has had sole custody of his 16 year old daughter for 3 years, prior to that it was joint...her mother left the state and her ex husband, the ex step father keeps contacting our daughter, just stops by and makes plans with her without talking to us first...I also have power of attorney over my step daughter....our daughter wants to maintain a relationship with him although we are not completely comfortable with it...they both attempt to make plans together and she will confront us with it and we constantly tell her he needs to contact us...she feels she has a right to make her own plans even though it is with another adult...we have tried to explain to her that he is not her "friend" and that he needs to get our approval when trying to make plans with a child...we have advised her that upon approval of a plan with him we will work something out but only upon arrangements with us....we are set on that however it seems to be a constant battle with her...
Why is he visiting her
Do you know why the BM left him? Could there be something inappropriate between this man and your Sd? Sorry I just immediately thought this
"It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?"
- Eleanor H. Porter (1868 - 1920), 'Pollyanna', 1912
You're the adult.
I'd stop fighting with the kid and inform the ex step that you will require that he contact you first before permission can be granted for her to go. Messages passed through the girl do not count. Its direct face to face, phone or in writing.
Then tell the girl what you've done and any announced plans that do not have prior approval will be nixed with no further discussion.
Explain that you are the parent and the adult and you are doing this because of your concern for her welfare (she's not dense enough to fail to understand why you're concerned [see Most Evil's statement above in case you are]).
This is mostly teen rebellion and I would't read more into it than that. If something sexual were going on its likely you'd see a much greater change in behavoir.
When I say "you" above I mean the father of course as he has custody. You stay out of it.
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There's an exception to everything I say.
Perfect Advice
from OC. Don't entertain the child---deal with the adult. AND don't feel guilty over being a solid parent.
Well all of you I thank and
Well all of you I thank and agree....like I said, I do have power of attorney and have been given equal power in the raising of my step child...her mom has never been a good influence in her life...heavy drinker, irresponsible and has taught her the free spirit way of life so it has been a battle trying to teach our daughter the real ways of te world...she has been in counseling and we have come a long way but when she talks to her mom she still gets swayed back in the wrong direction...her mother left her when she was 13 because she is purely selfish...not saying this as a bitter step mother it has always been the case...she left "the ex step father" for another man in a different state...that's why she left....I have in fact been our daughter's mom in every aspect possible although I leave the discipline up to my husband, with my support of course...I will be having a conversation with the step father because for some reason he thinks he should be able to drop into our daughter's life whenever he pleases...again I thank you all, just confirmed what we already felt...not easy being a parent nowadays let alone a step parent...
hmmm...
How long was he her stepfather?
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
They were married 6 years,
They were married 6 years, separated last 3 of those years and now divorced...he's remarrying and she lives in another state with her current boyfriend...ex was her 3rd husband....now ex stepfather wants my step daughter to go to his wedding reception but it is the day we come back from vacation...will not work out...my step daughter is not too happy about it...point is however he constantly makes or tries to make plans with her without talking to us what so ever...oh and him and my step daughter's mother are still very friendly...he recently was making plans with my step daughter to go see her mother out of state on a school day, again without talking to us...my step daughter asked us the day before and of course we told her no...again she was not happy with that....