Our adult SS (35) has barely spoken to his father or myself since DH's mother died and they (SS 35 and SD 32) found out that they were not in the will and that they could not guilt or manipulate their father into giving them his inheritance (pitiful amount that it was). SD 32 was equally as vindictive but kept talking to DH (but was openly rude and dismissive of me) so that we would continue babysitting her two children. DH's parents used to have a little money but for some reason BM thinks they had more than they did and that they had it when they passed away. This was not the case. BM even went so far as to drive SD and SS by DH's old childhood home - sold long ago - and to tell SS and SD that that was where they belonged! This is offered as an insight to let you know how delusional they are.

I should mention that we also have 2 BDs that are both minors (pre-teen and teen by age) that SS and SD are both jealous of and have had little to do with over the years besides use them as babysitters to SD's children. SS has refused to take his father's phone calls since the will was read and will not return messages unless he is calling to get a reference for a job or to curse his father out. He even told his father that if DH wanted to talk to him and he did not return a call that DH should drive all over town to track him down! SD and her husband have been especialy rude to me since this time even when we invited them to what is my home during family gatherings (we have seperate property - also an area of contention for SS and SD). SD has also refused to talk to DH and myself since his mother's death off and on.

It all came to a head last Christmas when SD called up DH raising hell that I had not taken her children to the show whan I took my children. I had actually gone to the show with my sister who had come from out of town specifically to visit me. She has a daughter my oldest BD's age so my children were going to the show with her primarily. My youngest BD had a friend over at that time so she also was invited because she was in my house when we were leaving to go to the show. Although I had taken the step-grand children to the show quite few times in the past I did not feel an obligation to ask them ( taking the little one means you are out of your seat more than you are in it) and do not feel as though my youngest BD has to invite them everywhere she goes. My BD has a right to have her own friends - besides - they are several years apart in age.
Well SD carried on so badly that BDs were upset and they wanted to talk to SD's children to fix it. SD was so ugly to them when they called that neither BD wants anything to do with her now. While they will be polite to her face since they have been taught proper manners, they do not want to be in her presence for an extended period of time and do not want to go to her house. I can't blame them. My sister was going to volunteer to talk to SD becuse I would not after this but she quickly decided not to after hearing how volatile and eplosive she was being - although we did not have her on speaker phone you could hear her end of the conversation all over the house - thats how looud she was. After SD finishes screaming and cursing out DH - BDs quickly handed the phone off to him - adult SS calls. This is the tag team manipulation that the two of them have routinely going on. If she is mad he calls - if he is mad she calls....He proceeds to curse out his father, call me horrendous names, etc. SS, however, goes well beyond the show incident stating that he was jealous of the christmas presents that BDs recieved, wanted to know what exactly did DH inherit, berating us for how we are raising BDs - from where they should be allowed to sleep over to where they should be allowed to ride in the car! BDs have not been allowed to be in SDs home since the blowup after DH's mother passed away and I would not let BD sit in the front seat of SDs car because one time last year it is against the law whihc infuriated her. SD didn't offer to put one of her children up front next to the air bag! SS even went so far as to state that his mother did not have much monetarily. I have no idea what that had to do with us. Since she got everything in the divorce settlement except the debt because DH felt guilty when he left - that is hardly a concern of mine. She let abusive husband No 2 take it from her - that is hardly my and DH concern!

I have worked for everything that I have gotten my entire life and have helped support SD and SS for years before even trying to have my own children because we could not afford the cost while raising SS and SD. We did the best we could with what we had at thta time. But as many of you say - nothing you can do is good enough. SS and SD think that our BDs should not recieve anything from us unless we give the exact same thing to them and grandchildren - despite the fact that they are 32 and 35. We can't even take BDs to an event or have a birthday party for them without SS and SD getting jealous and carrying on. It's funny that they are the first to proclaim that they aren't jealous despite thier behavoir and words to the contrary!

Well after the outrageous blowout and behavior over my not inviting the grandchildren to the show last year SD's husband suggested that DH and myself get together with him and ss and sd to discuss all of the problems.......

I do not feel that this is in my best interest. Up until now, I have never had a face to face confrontation with either SS or SD. Although they have said ugly things about me they can not point to any time where I have said anything about them or their crazy BM. Such a meeting would result in a confrontation where I would probably say something negative because I can no longer take this craziness and abuse. I feel that this would simply give them ammunition!

SD has also refused to talk or let the grandchildren talk to us since the show incident. To be honset I have liked it this way. I have told DH that even if we do talk that I do not plan to have them in my home again since i will no longer tolerate them being rude to me in my house nor will my children go to their house. DH simply wants to see grandchildren again which are being kept from him. However,since they (grandchildren) act scared to talk to us every time we see them out somewhere by chance I feel that they too are a lost cause. DH is pressuring me to talk becuse he is delusional that everything woul then be great but I do not feel that would be in my best interest.

SS has tried to contact BDs through their cell phones despite having no real relationship with them last Easter. Neither BD would pick up and niether wanted to return SS call. He has never called them before. He refused to take DH's call when he replied Easter though. I am concerned that they are so delusional that they think that they have a chance of manipulating BDs. For these reasons including their scary outrageous tirades, I really do not want them around BDs. I am not sure what they are capable of - I could go on about this but this is now lengthy enough.

Does any one have any insight or advice you could offer me as I am worn out?