I have been with DH for almost 3 years. He has 3 kids and so do I. We moved in together about one year ago and things with the kids are typical...if anyone says it's perfect, I don't believe them. My ex is unreliable and a typical ex but not a problem in my relationship, his ex is the worst I have ever seen or heard of....I think the situation may be affecting me emotionally and physically.
When I got with DH I was fully warned about how sick and twisted BM is. I also discovered that BM had presented Dh with a paternity Test and an offer, more of a demand that DH must relinquish all his parental right to the new SDad, who happens to be the BIODAD of SON-5 at the time. DH decided to cope with it by not acknowledging it at all. I came along about 1 year later...at this point BM is "so in love" and bring new Daddy everywhere. I start to see her at drop off and pick ups but there is nothing to my face, everything is being said to my BF. Things like, "does she have a job, she's always with you". Mostly it goes on like that. I happen to be younger, more successful, (she hasn't accomplished a thing but hooking men to take care of her) more confident and attractive. I have a beautiful little girl and she lost custody or gave up rights to hers when the child was a baby. Her Parents are raising her daughter, not well, but that is another story....I am used to petty insecure woman being catty so I know how to deal.....HATERS!! I expected this. When BF would get upset about BM behavior, I would say who cares, as long as we get the kids more, let her play her games. Then the kids starting repeating things to me they heard from her like:" Our Mom won't let us be your friend" "DH is not our Dad"; "Call new Dad-Dad" blah blah blah...
Then about 4 months in, she requests to speak to me. She asked DH if I will call her to discuss somethings, he tells me not to bc she is so sick. I still want to make friends so I call...she wants to apologize for her behavior towards me, that I must be great if DH chose me and basically that if she ever behaves this way again, to "feel free to call her out". I assured her that I have 3 of my own, I respect Mothers and I would not ever treat her badly bc someday my EX will have a GF and I want her to treat me and my kids good. I hung up feeling really good. I told her I would e-mail pics of our vacation and she seemed so decent and humble. DH family told me just wait, she will not be this way for long...
They were right, after the vaca, I think she felt very threatened when she found out I had a 2nd home and I paid for this trip that was so fun for the kids. She calls DH to bitch and complain....one of her children, midson-6 at the time, called my Mother Grandma....she flipped!! Keep in mind she has her kids calling some other dude DAd. So I tell DH, I am going to call her out, she needs to know that it is perfectly reasonable for kids to hear 6 other kids calling an Adult something and repeat it. That we don't encourage it, that we will talk to him about it...I don't get that far, (keep in mind, I negotiate for a living, I am very good at dealing with difficult people, so I thought.)She tells me she guesses she not that mature and that she doesn't need to speak to me about her children.....CLICK!!
That was convo #2 and last for 2 years. Since then she has made it her mission to really be nasty, hate me and intaginize me. (SP?) I had to spend 4 days with her a tournament in the same hotel and all she did was use us to watch the kids so she could go out, tell us, it's our night so we have to feed the kids bc she can't afford it bc she doesn't have a "rich GF"...BM brings her 15 yr old daughter from a different man, the girl is smoking in front of the kids, adults...Mom doesn't care. We were told that the poor girl just tried to commit suicide over a boy and she a new one at the hotel with her...she shows DH her tattooed stomach that her Mom brought her to get done. (She has been arrested 2x.) This girl is so pretty and I feel so bad for her that I just want to reach out and say "I am sorry that you have it this way, I hope you know that your not bad bc your Mom keeps your Brother and not you" I say nothing....
I say nothing for almost 2 years. I would stand within feet of her and have never said a word but ignored hello's. I never had any problem with DH bc he always told me everything she said and did...I was in the loop, I hope.
Then I started getting random texts about her calling CPS on my children for abusing hers. I ignored it. She was constantly calling or texting DH. Bugging him for more $, making petty problems to bother him, blaming him for everything, and always giving us the oldest. When DH would refuse a request, he would lose the right to speak to them for days and lose the extra time with the oldest who has a hard time dealing with his BM. Finally after tormenting DH with angry texts bc the State took 10 days to get her CS, he started to pay her cash and get written receipts which she would sign. The receipts added up to about $4k so DH and I bring them to be recorded through DOR. BM must be present to do this or it can't be done!! Then DH and I started talking about the possibility of her agreeing to this and he asks. For a bout a month she plays games about agreeing to do this BUT she wants a sit down with her, BIO dad and DH about DH rights to mid son. Finally I am getting so annoyed with the games that I ask him to let me text her from his phone "I don't care if you record the receipts, I have them, I know I've paid and you are not going to make me sell my Son" That was it, she never brought it up again but she never gave us the cs credit either.
Now their agreement said that each year they would alternate on tax deduction 2/1 then 1/2 kids per year. DH tells me that every year she takes all 3. So in 2007, I ask him to tell her that we are doing his taxes and we are taking his one kid. She says no problem. I file and it gets kicked back saying that the Social has already been claimed. Did not think we could do anything so we told her we wanted his $, she balmed it on SD and she promised to pay us some of it from her return, never happens. So for 2008, I am ready for her, I file on the very first day you can file. I am now DH Employer so I can get him his 1099 before any of her Employers can get hers. I am vindicated, she didn't win!! He is getting a $5,500 refund. It should be to us in 3 weeks. Nope, DOR shows that DH owes $4k in back cs so this Mutt gets almost all of his refund.....now I am gonna hurt someone!! I had to sit by myself for about 3 hours and really think about this....I was emotionally getting raped in this situation and this woman, some how always wins! Besides now pissing me off, I have been watching DH go through this rollercoaster and feeling his emotional baggage weighing on me.
I found out that she went looking for my EX at a BB game and asked him questions about me to see if she could get dirt...nada. Then I found out that she interrogated my 8 year old and that was it! "Does your Mommy hit you?" "Is your Mommy mean to you"
Then I find out she tells DH that I can not pick up her children and take them to practice that DH coaches. It starts at 11 and she won't let DH pick him up until 11 and she won't bring him...She texts DH, "Maybe if your GF wasn't such a snobby bitch, I would let her pick up my kids but she is not their Mother and I don't want them around her anymore than they have to" ....that alone was not so out of the ordinary for her but I think I had just about had it (this was about 6 months ago)so I wrote everything I wanted to tell her about the way she "affects/treats/abuses these kids and torments our family. I told her that I felt bad for her beautiful daughter that is now in JUVI for 9 months bc her Mother failed her. That she can try to make BIO DAD their Father but he will soon be gone and she will have yet another last name, that she was used up, trashy and if she kept on pulling this sick treatment WE were going to take her to court for custody. That I have never said anything to her before but now I am saying it all so don't push me again bc I don't talk all the shit that she does and I have the $ to do it". I knew it was over the top but I really kept quiet for so long, I have never said anything to her or her kids about her and I just sat there taking it....oh and also in the last 6-8 months I am extremely resentful to DH for allowing this woman to take it this far and I think I am depressed. I am constantly anxious and I will not go anywhere that I know she will be since this txt...I feel like if she says a word to me that I will kick her a**. She never did say anything to me, she had her husband call me and tell me she lost 4 nights of sleep over what I said and that he hope "I get raped by a group of boys"....he's kinda slow...more on that later...She told DH "ur Gf has no idea of what she has started"
I told DH that I texted her and that I am sorry for any backlash but I just can't take anymore. I also told him that if he didn't do something we are through....I can't live this dysfunctional life. We went to a few Attorney's and I paid to hire the best and most expensive. You will notice I make a lot of refernece to $, well DH has a schedule where his kids school is so far away that he can't start working until 10 and has to leave at 2. This affects my ability to pay for the lifestyle I afford all the kids and ours are treated equally. DH oldest has $2,000 in BB eq. at 11, BM would not pay for a thing...we pay for everything. DH income is about 1/4 mine and that's okay but lately he hasn't been even doing that and I am the one with all the responsibility and my Nanny had a baby so now I cleaning after these 6 kids.
So anyway, DH and I are having a very hard time connecting, we will go days without talking, I feel like he goes into diff rooms when she calls, I feel like he has allowed all this by not forcing her respect the way she forced her new Husband on DH.
So we serve her papers on Friday bc we know we will have the kids and on Monday she is unemployed. The kids tell us that "Mommy said DH said that she doesn't spend enough time with them so she quit". (discovery shows she was terminated) BM told the 5yr old that "GF wants to put Mommy in jail". We didn't say a thing. I just wrote it all in my Blackberry so we could use it in court.
TRUST ME THAT I COULD NOT POSSIBLE WRITE THE DAILY HARRASSMENT THIS WOMAN INFLICTS ON MY FAMILY-BIG AND SMALL!
I feel like I am pulling DH through all of this and I think that deep down he resents me bc things got worse after the filing.
Our first motion in court won in May....we were trying to get the $4k credit from her and she lied so bad, she lied to the judge, she lied to the Attorney's and everytime we tried to bring up her blackmail of the mid son and his BIODAD she would refuse to allow it into the court record..... She came in dressed so pathetic and looking so sad...a month before, we stopped paying support bc the DOR had given her that $4k early and she actually had the nerve to go and report DH for non payment....she actually thought she could get his license suspended bc she was going to win...She told the judge that DH had forced her to write her those reciepts for exaggareted amounts so that she could some cash from him. She claimed that she would only get about $80- $120 of the $580 she wrote down. She said that she personally wrote the receipts, wrote case # on them and signed them bc he bullied her...but in his 4 year history he has never been late. The Judge says "DH has proof, written by you, what do you have?" ANSWER_"Only my word, your Honor" I almost died, the Baliffs should have removed me for all of my facial expressions. I could not believe the depths at which this woman would sink.....
We won, we got credit, her texts about cs have stopped! Thank god! She lost about 30 lbs and had been bringing random men to every bb game...your about three weeks behind now so I will finish later, I have to go home......
This is not made up it's my life!!