Question about PAS
My EH is a classic hostile aggressive parent and for the last ten years has tried to alienate my BS19 and BD13. My son started waking up about 2 years ago. He is now with me. Unfortunately, my daughter is in the throes of a very accelerated campaign of alienation over the last 6 mths to the point now that she doesn't want to visit. I have court ordered summer visitation and have been denied that. I've filed contempt, etc with the court and he was served yesterday. That's the background that leads to my question. My SS13 and SS10 adore my BD. They keep asking "when is sweet pea (that's what I'll call her here) coming up?" We just keep telling them she's got a lot going on and we're working on it. My son, fully aware of what is going on in the other household, wants to know everything that is going on with the case (which again only got started since he was just served yesterday.) I know this could take a little while to resolve through the court system. I don't know how to continue to answer the skids questions, and I also don't know how much information my son should be privy too. I don't want to be a party to alienating HIM from his BF (his BF has done a well enough job of that on his own.) Suggestions?
CheriPie
I have SS19, SD17, SD12, BS5, and BS3. SD17 left my home 6 months ago abruptly and refused to come home. She was watching 3 small kids, then 11,4 and 2 and walked out of the house at 10:30PM without telling anyone. DH and I were gone for 30 minutes to go to my Mom's house. My Mom had passed away the afternoon before and I had to go to her house for something.
BS5 asks about her every once in a while and I tell him that she just doesn't want to play with us right now, but maybe she will soon. He's 5. I figured it was enough of a blow to lose his best friend "Grammy" and his sister in one day. He shouldn't be burdened with the details of it all.
POINT: I think you are absolutely doing the right thing with SK's. Son? That must be really hard. Has he shared with you how he was alienated specifically? How he figured it out? Does he have any contact with the household or members of the other household that he would know what's going on there? If he is 19 and has been through it, you can probably be pretty honest with him, but I would also keep him from the dirty details. Let him talk and lead the conversations, but ask him questions like "What do you think I should do?" or "How do you think your sister is feeling?" Maybe it would help him to talk about it.
I'm probably just rambling. I do hope you get some answers. I hope we all do.
I could be wrong here CheriPie.
But I think that at 13 and 10, your skids are old enough to understand if you tell them that you are having some "issues" with BD's father, and you are trying to work them out. You may want to let them know that they may not get to see BD until later this summer, if at all. Be as honest as you can be with them, and let them be open with their disappointment in her not coming out yet.
Let you son know that you will let him know what is going on as soon as you know what's goin on. He may just be your biggest ally in this - does he talk to his sister often? He would definately be the one to 'champion' your cause to her, IMO.
Chin up girl, I know it looks bleak, but you'll get through.