rejected gifts...
My husband gets gifts routinely handed back to him by his teenage kids...mainly the bitchy oldest daughter.
I was wondering if other people have experienced this and how they handle it.
I am so wounded and angry and humiliated when my husband returns from his visitations with the gifts I gave them for birthdays or Christmas...I'm scared to give them anything now...just money (they never return that for some reason!).
The BM encourages the behavior and when they were younger would actually make them return gifts to their Dad...even after they expressed pleasure opening gift and seemed to like it.
I've asked my husband not to accept the returned items anymore...suggested he either throw them in trash in front of child (to express hurt and anger...yes I know this is immature 
)...or calmly set the items on the curb when the BM brings them out to shove in his face.
Does anyone else go through this??
No
but in that case I wouldn't send money either...
If they aren't even polite enough to accept a present, Money is out of the question...
Stop trying...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
No
but in that case I wouldn't send money either...
If they aren't even polite enough to accept a present, Money is out of the question...
Stop trying...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
A parent's role
is to guide their children and teach them appropriate conduct. He needs to talk to them in a no nonsense way and tell them that returning gifts is hurtful and wrong. Teach them how to accept gifts they don't really like--the polite and courteous way without letting the gift giver know. Also, make sure that they know the consequence will be "no more gifts" if it happens again and follow through with that promise. Fair warning and a great life lesson.
So rude
I think they are telling him they don't want any gifts from him - in which case, I would not send them any more! No money, zero!
How could even an ex not only treat their ex this way, but also teach their kids to be so rude to their parent? Despicable-!!
"It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?"
- Eleanor H. Porter (1868 - 1920), 'Pollyanna', 1912
I know this is wrong
but if you wanted to have some fun with this, get them a card, and in the card put a photocopy of the money in there with a note saying since they would return it anyways you thought it easier just to send them a picture.
in my dreams!!
aahh...that would be ever so satisfying. }:) Sometimes I want to tell these ingrates to just blow it out their *&^&*'s.
when I confront my hubby with why they get away with this he just blames it all on their mother (meanwhile, he was in home for 12 years before divorce)...
he always forgives their most egregious behavior and meekly takes the gifts back...he's so terrified of them refusing him all visits that he allows behaviour any other parent would correct (ideally with a belt across the rump).
*sigh*...(self-restraint and commonsense are such a drag!).
thans for the laugh, Mysteiry...I need it right now!
"...sometimes I wonder how I keep from goin under"
Ha!
Good Idea!
Don't give them cash. If they return the gifts from you and
their Dad, have him throw them in the trash as soon as they return the gifts to them. In the trash. Immediately. That ought to send the right message. They don't get what they want (Cash) they get what you and their Dad want them to have. If they don't appreciate it, in the trash, with them watching.
Ungrateful little shit heads.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)
I tried to buy their respect with cash...
you're so right and I'm so wrong. not only do they take the cash and gift cards but they NEVER (and I mean NEVER...in 7 damn years) say thank-you.
I actually invited them to their Dad's birthday party and not a one showed up with so much as a hand-made card (we've given up on store bought gifts a long time ago...plus the cards mean more to their Dad anyway).
At this party I was such a pushover douche-bag (can I cuss on this site? :O ) that I actually bought them party-favor gifts with cards..the whole shebang.
the oldest one actually emailed me a while back (at the grown-assed aged of 19, no less!) to inform me that she is only to get gifts she requests beforehand...that this is the policy he understand and "the same goes for you"...I shit you not!! I honestly thought she was joking at first. :?
I just don't get it. I was NOT raised this way and everyone I've told about it is incredulous.
"...sometimes I wonder how I keep from goin under"
Stand_by_your_man
When it comes to stuff like this, I always remind the recipient (ie. SD, or any ungrateful child) that ohhh okay... I understand that you don't like this. Thank you for giving this back to me and I will give it to the local home for abused children, or a Battered Women's Shelter, or Goodwill. And that, since they don't appreciate or like any gifts, I know of children and families that would... so thanks for letting me be able to do good deeds for others in their names. And then, the next time something like that comes up, give them a card with a note as to what you bought and where you gave it to... They should be PROUD!!
Oh hell no!
I would tell them to kiss my ass and forget about getting anything else from here on out. I would write it down for them to read at that. I would have DH send them a letter or email that states you all have been generous and sending gifts, but no more until you are thanked and respected.
They would get cash over my dead cold body.
They are adults or grown enough to realize this is unacceptable behavior. Kids or no kids. If my SD's did that I would rip into them like there was no tomorrow. Gifts are not a requirement, they are a priveledge.