Conflicted about BMs neglect...
I feel cra*py cause I usually only long on when I need some help, but please forgive me and chime in on this....
About 6 months ago my DH called DCF with a report of his suspected neglect. Nothing was done. Now here we are just about November and I'm faced with this - My 10yo and 6yo ss answer when we asked 'are you taking showers at home', yes on Wednesdays. 'Do you have PJs to wear?', no they weare their clothes to bed. There's no heat right now, so they have coats on all the time. This may change when fuel assistance begins. yesterday, the 5th grade teacher asked BM why kids always hunger when he gets to school and why he has no snack. My DH went over there and saw theres basically very little food. He even photographed the fridge. Corn dogs (frozen) is what they usually eat for dinner. BM says "their fine leave us alone".
I want to call DCF again. I don't feel like the teacher is probably going to call after only one suspicion (althought THANK GOD someone is finally asking questions!).
should i ? I feel like if I don't I'm condoning it. i'm also afraid of what the kids will be put through or on the flip side, being totally rejected again by DCF.
advice??
That is too bad. Why doesnt
That is too bad. Why doesnt husband get custody if she cannot provide for them? I would definately try to do something. You cant let them starve and go to school dirty. 10 years old is a critical time. Your husband should not have to call DCF in order to care for his kids.
I obviously don't know about
I obviously don't know about all states, but CT is not a 'for the dad' type of state. For instance, earlier this year, she got fired from a good job for stealing and decided to get a min wage job after that, took him to court and he got raked over the coals. She got 100+ more $ per week!
Did you?
Did you notate the facts in your case? As a stepmom that helped my husband gain full custody of his daughter, my only advice to you is to keep records. You have to keep records of each indicent, with date, that spans over the corse that this has been happening. Make sure the boys are going to school, if they are not - then logg it. Our case was helped because for over 2 years, my SD was missing months of sschool at a time, so much that a state representative was looking into the case and was about to come down on BM for not doing this. Also, we wrote everyting down, and when presenting our case we subbmited it as evidence...from the neglect all the way to the absences. The document should state the facts, and NOT be emotional, because the judges do not wwant that. And you have to ask yourself are you really "ready" to take that responsibility - because it will be HARD!!!! Not to say you do not want the best for the kids, but I said I was ready....and now I'm biting my tounge BIG TIME!!!. Anyway..I think that BM is having a crappy time at keeping up the bills etc...and sometimes the courts allow the BM to keep the kids even if they live on one mattress in the middle of a floor. There has to be notable signs of neglect, not just that she is poor, and there has to be evidence that affects the states role...like schooling etc. Hope this helps. Until then, just pay the CP, its seems like they need a little more help..hopefully she'll buy them PJs with it.
So sad
Our BM is like this, she tries to live solely on child support, because she can't get along with any boss to keep a job herself. Then she gets mad because they don't have enough money, although they eat out, etc. when we don't! Child support is for the kids and their needs! the mom needs to supply her own place to live, just like she would if she had no kids!! Why do judges not see that!
Then our BM tells SD its all DH's fault of course. Although we have pointed out to them both numerous times, because all boundaries have been crossed thanks to BM, that BM needs to support herself and not just live off what her ex from 12 years ago pays for child support! Her child is 17, its not like she needs full time child care, where BM needs to stay home?!
Ok sorry but in your case, to pay $400 more per month in child support would break us and would be a big incentive to try to get the kids, if you can. We never have been able to hire an attorney because we have no extra money. Naos has a good idea to document and submit that as evidence.
If you did get the kids it is hard to predict how they would take actually being taken care of, sometimes it seems to me that the more you do for someone, the more they hate you? which is very strange. But a once a week bath is disgraceful!!!
How is your relationship with the boys, how often do you see them? Do they act like they don't want to go home when you have them? Does BM have a drug problem or something? Please forgive me for not being familiar with your situation, I tried to look back quickly but couldn't tell.
Meanwhile if you can possibly get them some PJs, and maybe a big comforter since it is cold, maybe that would help a little. Please give us more info and keep us posted! Why won't CPS do anything is what I don't get?
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I bought them PJs and robes
I bought them PJs and robes and a down comforter just not to long ago. She has had to move move move from place to place so I don't know if things keep getting tossed or lost or what.
shes not a druggie , shes just stupid. She has 3 kids way too early and seems to have now decided it wasn't a good plan for her. We have the kids every fri/sat/sun. She goes on trips (2 this summer, niagra falls and new jersey 2 times actually!). She drives a shiny huge SUV. I've never seen her w/out highlights and a pedicure. And every sunday when she picks the kids up they go to a restaurant.
I know, I have thought...do I want to do this? I mean obviously be a HUGE life change if the kids lived here, but what kind of person would i be if I didn't object - aloud! - to how they are treated. Can you imagine when they grow up to have thought "dad and stepmom never even tried to do anything about any of it'. sad.
anyway, we'll see what this week brings. i will break out the notebook right now and start documenting the last week and forward.
thx!
So she's living large and the kids don't have PJs?
Well, that is just wrong. I would be actually concerned if my CP gets to her - and that she indeed uses it for the boys or not. So, its not that she isn't capable, she just doesn't care enough for their well being for her to actually sacrifice the things she does for herself for her kids. Well, I agree just keep asking yourself what you want to do, in the meantime document and keep watching her ways with the boys....that's what you can do for now. When you have notable signs and documentation try to file again....