Wish I hadn't
married him with an EOW schedule. I am really feeling depressed. Half of my life (weekends)is going to stress/schedules/teenager mentality. I am so confused because sometimes I see a light at the end of a tunnel & sometimes I see a train.
I sincerely wished I would have just dated him until the man/child was grown. With all I have done in my life, I am just exhausted & the only thing I want is the weekends to myself. I am not asking for money or riches or anything---just to be able to do as I please in MY home after a long week of work EVERY weeken.
Sometimes I just wish I would have waited and let the poor man/child be exactly that; Let him mature at his own rate without someone wishing him away.
Boy, I love my husband but I sure was stupid. I won't sugarcoat this.
Girl i know.......what the hell is wrong with us?
I raised my only son ALONE who just made 18...........2 yrs ago i met "mr right" who was recently divorced and had FOUR kids ALL UNDER THE AGE OF 12.......
Why wasn't i scared? Why did i even consider dating him with 4 kids..i never even wanted more than 2.
I feel stupid now....i left him a month ago and he wants me back home , and i hate to say it but i have enjoyed the hell ou of my time off and alone to rest after each day and wkend............
And poor you you have the all the time? My skids only come over every other wkend....but they are all in sports all freakin 4 and hubby insists on being at EVERYTHING, and of course wants me there with a smile.
...why were we not warned?
sick of it too
after a weekend with FH bkids I am emotional exhausted, I am tired of the guilt and I am tired of the pretending.
the only thing I can say in my favoris that I have not married him.
as much as I love him, this is just too much, and right now I am emotional not strong enuf to deal with the shi*.
at least this weekend - he did buy the groceries! I am usually stuck doing that.
and again I feel guilty for NOT doing it.
is there any help for us?? besides this wonderful website??
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
GO WITH YOUR GUT!
If you are feeling this way now, it will only get worse. I am not trying to scare you but i can tell you that for a fact.
I was worried BEFORE i married and i should have gone with my gut.......because my gut was right.
I love my husband. I truely do. But it is so much junk to deal with that i truely dont know how women are supposed to deal with it.........and i am a Really strong women.
You sound alot like me, you have a big heart and you feel guilty for saying "no" to anyone........
My advice to you is that you need to take care of YOU. Stepmothering is not for everyone........HELL i'm still not sure who it IS for..!
Wouldn't work!!
As soon as the went back with BM, the old habbits would start right up again.
We have to spend a good 3 days getting SD used to the fact that there are rules at our house after she's been with BM. SHE LIVES WITH US!!! She sees BM EOW. But just those 2 days and its all down the freaking toilet.
Separate Accounts are a MUST
I've worked hard my whole life. I've made good and responsible decisions. I've come from nothing. At 39, I'm proud to say that, on my own, I've saved $250 thousand. I also own a rental property (that will remain in my name). I'm with someone who now is paying child support, alimony and 100% of SD7 costs (we have her 50/50). I pay my share. Most of the equity in our house is mine. I will never, NEVER agree to a joint bank account. He pays for the child and the ex.....not I. When I was younger, I thought that marriage was a deal where you pool everything, and everyone is blissfully happy and "All you need is love". Yeah...not. Its....well...you all know what it really is. I'm "loving smart". I'm protecting myself. No one will look after you better than you. The only person you can always rely on is you. Just because you're married, doesn't mean that when things get tough he's going to look out for your best interests. Nope...he'll look after himself and his kids first. I'd rather live with a little resentment from him now, than a life time of regret that I didn't look out for myself. Romantic hey? Its life.
Bring on the whistle & clipboard!
Crayon
Oh, I'm in the same boat alright & although it is technically "getting better", I am feeling even worse. Maybe it was the rain---my dh couldn't take him anywhere so I had to see a teenager in my family room all day. I did leave to go to dinner with girlfriends but by the late afternoon I was emotionally in distress.
I can relate to the porker references too. You cracked me up!
Cruella,
Aging??? I can hear that one girlfriend. I used to look fresh as a daisy. The daisy has wilted.
Sai,
The pretending to "enjoy" the visits also gets to me. And I guess we all have to wait until these kids grow up to get some piece of mind.
WhoKnew
I could have written that. I love your "I'd rather live with a little resentment from him now, than a lifetime of regret"--it is absolutely perfect!
And I have absolutely nothing in "our" name, not even his name. EVERYTHING is separate. He buys the boys food out of "his money".
So, I am not crazy! There are others that feel exactly like I do. Yes, thank God for this website.
Can I relate!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
I know this is an old post-but great points.
We had EOW-now it is full time and the kid has no life outside the house (we tried-he is not interested)so I have a 6 foot hairy unsocialized 16 year old with the maturity of a toddler-moping around (when he is not in the basement gaming (his only interest in life)-waiting for us to entertain him-I am so peeved, while DH thinks the sun rises and sets on his genius son!!-but I guess full time is better than having the interuptions-Fruit Loop Bio-Mom-I do not have to deal with as she does not talk to us-so that is a plus-
Life sure throws some curves...good thing I love my husband-
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I'd kill for EOW
we have SS ALL the time and the weekends that BM has him we have to drop him off at 8 on Fridays and pick him up at 6 on Sunday so we really don't get even those weekends to ourselves.
School breaks and holidays BM almost always has an excuse why she can't take him so we are out of luck there on getting time to ourselves as well.
If I could do things over I hate to say it but I'd never had given DH money to get his kid full-time. I know BM was moving out of the state and she's a HORRIBLE mother but I just would never give him the money. It's one of my biggest regrets
how about 50%+ of the time
PLUS having to pay BM a huge child support check. Or every "child free" weekend having to make sure you have "plans" ahead of time with hubby as SS is sure to call and want to come over and hubby being a pansy not be able to say no to SS unless u have plans. Now add the fact SS is very spolied and needy and demands hubby's attention 24/7.
I hear ya on that one, sista!
I have 2 of 3 SDs 50% of the time (13 & 16), and up until August of this year when she went away to college, oldest SD18 was living with us FT.
Plus, talk about HUGE CS- DH was paying over $4200/month until oldest SD turned 18. Now, it's been reduced to a meager $3600/month...for 2 kids...for 50% of the time...plus DH pays for EVERYTHING for them...
plus SD16 ruins just about every "child-free" weekend with her drama and nonsense...
plus crazy BM continues to play her 'games' and leaves DH with no choice but to make 6am trips to her house to retrieve school uniforms on a Monday morning that she refuses to bring over...
oh, the JOY!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Since
I wrote that-----and since I was feeling horrible, I actually bit the bullet and told my hubby that I didn't want any more sleep overs. He could bring the man/child over any time, but no sleep overs any more because he's almost 17 and I am DONE. It was either his sanity or mine. I have to take care of myself. My husband agreed albeit not with a cheering attitude. It does help to hold the title to the house. He knows it is NOT BECAUSE I hate the kid or anything like that----IT IS MY EMOTIONAL SANITY----and I gave for 4 years NUFFFFFF!!!!
I am a lot happier. NO complaints---that is why I haven't posted about me. He visits his son EOW all day, takes him to lunch, movies, plays tennis/golf etc etc and then comes home at about 6ish/7ish pm. PERFECT! And the kid doesn't hold it against me either. Now his X, she probably hates me. Her free baby-sitter is gone!!!!! Oh well, wasn't she the one that had the kid?
I just had to take a stand, it was killing me.
Wish I could say the same
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
However we have this 16 year old 24/7 -he would be "in the system" if not-and as a bio mom myself-that would be putting the only parent he has in a rock and a hard place.
I just have to find ways to keep sane when this kid is around (other than drinking Ha!)-I think once he gets a job or interest outside the home things will get better (15-18 are crap ages to get a "free kid") -Angel -you just put this so well -it described exactly how I feel.
Endora
A 16 year old 24/7 would be extremely difficult. To be real honest with you, at this point in my life I could not step up to that plate. I am 55 years old and have raised a very successful family, buried both parents after long illnesses and have worked for 33 years. At this point, I am not going to take on someone else's responsiblity.
You are a kind soul and you face a difficult journey but things will get better. You have a good attitude---a realistic one and that will serve you well.
I think you're on the right track when you say you just need some survival skills so that you can keep your sanity when the kid is around. Hey, a drink or two might not be a bad idea every once in a while. Put on a Yoga DVD when he comes over and invite him to join. (He won't, he'll run and hide for awhile!) Hey, we should start a new thread!