I think I've had enough...unless one of you can convince me .............
Aren't you all tired? I am.......I want my life back...my peace, my tranquility. Going from 1 kid to and additional 4 (only every other wkend mind you )!! and i just cant go anymore................
DH feels
that i should love his kids as much as he does...and is offended that i dont
that i should get excited when all 4 come over
and hell even more excited when we get an extra day!
that i should gladly watch them during HIS visitation if he has to work
that i should attend every single extra-curricular activity that they have
that i should NOT plan ANYTHING when they are coming to visit...and if i do..
he says i "did it on purpose" LOL omg.
that i should bounce back gladly after he gives me choices such as "well if you dont want to watch my kids when i am not here you can pack your S**T and get out"
that i should agree with him that I married him with 4 and therefore they are now OUR kids.
that i should be understanding that he is now Fixed and his kids are now OURS
and that should be enough ...
I have started to question my sanity in all of this ....is it me? am i an evil person for not wanting to watch my own skids? I dont feel it is Visitation, i feel it is free babysitting if he is not home to see them.............................Hell there mother wants them back with her if he gets called to work on "our" wkend with them...and in court she recently LOST........now my marriage is on the rocks becuz he feels that i dont want his kids.
What the hell do i do girls....
babysitter vs. life partner
I think you are entitled to insist that he be there for any step visits, especially if there are problems with the kids. If he married you solely to have you babysit his kids, that sounds very odd!
Maybe try to clarify that with him, to say why exactly are we married anyway because I thought it was X, and see what he says.
If you are supposed to be his life partner, he needs to consider your needs and feelings also. Marriage is a 2 way street!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
What is the financial
arrangement in your home? If you don't work & he already owned the home BEFORE you married, it might seem that you signed up for this to him. The devil is in the details.
What is the financial
arrangement in your home? If you don't work & he already owned the home BEFORE you married, it might seem that you signed up for this to him. The devil is in the details.
Financial arrangement ? I
Financial arrangement ? I work a fulltime job and own a buisness....he may pay the mortage and own the home but i pay my share of the other bills............
Hell i work more than him...he may work a day and sit for 4.......
What doesn't kill you will make you stronger;..hold please- I'm going cancel my gym membership........
I feel for you..
It seems unfair to me that your husband expects you to watch his kids. Once in awhile if you don't have plans is ok but it should not be expected everytime. One question you said the BM wants them if DH has to work but lost in court is that right? Did your husband not want that? If that is the case why not let BM have them if DH has to work and he can get them after work?
I also know how you feel about the "extra" days. We have my SS 50% of the time and we both work fulltime jobs so I enjoy our "adult" only time. Not to mention my SS is very needy of my husbands consent attention so we get NO time together when hes over.
You are not a evil person(I have asked that myself many times)its very,VERY hard being the "second" wife and a stepmom.
At one pt they had it to
At one pt they had it to where if he got called out to work , and it was his wkend then they went back to her....i agreed with that , and the mom wanted that.
He took her to court, claiming that he wanted the kids to have time with his family even if he was offshore, he wanted them to be with his family.......HOWEVER he proved that wrong this wkend..when he told me he would not be in and offered his family to help me and i said ok, i'll take frid. and they can take sat. ...and he pitched a fit, cuz he said i was "dumping" them on HIS family!!!
Can u believe that ?
I feel that if i want them, great, i'll keep em, if his family wants them great , they will keep them, but if not then their mom should have the right to just keep them home if their dad will not be around.
We are not good right now...im considering leaving ....i cant go through this ever other wkend.
what doesn't kill you will make you stronger;..hold please- I'm going cancel my gym membership........
"that i should bounce back
"that i should bounce back gladly after he gives me choices such as "well if you dont want to watch my kids when i am not here you can pack your S**T and get out""
My heart really goes out to you. People don't understand how hurtful these types of statements are. The underlying message is that you and your needs are not important, and you come last. They tell you that you are not valued and cherished, protected and cared for, and ultimately, these feelings undermine any safety and security you may feel in the marriage.
I divorced my ex for exactly this kind of thing. He just couldn't understand how, despite my many warnings, such statements were doing lasting and irreparable damage to our relationship. The last time he threatened to divorce me, my broken heart shattered into a million pieces, there was nothing left to put back together, and then I pulled the plug, and unlike him, I MEANT it.
Words DO hurt, the damage cannot always be undone with a "sorry" or "I was mad, I didn't mean it".
My advice is to what you need to do for yourself, because it sure seems like no one else in this is going to put you first, you need to do that. Don't expect others to understand, I was blamed by pretty much everyone involved for not "workig it out" with my ex. I know the truth, and my heart knows the truth, that's all that matters.
Good luck!
Thank you......
You are correct...and i can tell from what you said that you truley were in my shoes at one pt.
We have hashed it out over and over this wkend. Today, I've agreed to counseling for our marriage...sadly the last couple of days i was fed up and said that it wouldn't help......hell maybe it wont.
I'm trying to make my hubby understand that what he has said in the past and is not going away. And i am bitter and resentful.
He will have to change this . No doubt. And i am hoping that this will shed some light on him.
...we shall see , atleast i can say i tried.
What doesn't kill you will make you stronger;..hold please- I'm going cancel my gym membership........
I think for the sake of the
I think for the sake of the kids involved, it makes sense to go to therapy. My ex and I had been together for 8 yrs (only married for 3) and one of the big things we fought about was having children. I felt that b/c arguments escalated to the point where such traumatic and abusive things were said, we needed help before bringing kids into the equation, but he refused for years to go to therapy, just wanted the kids. I said until our problems as a couple are dealt with, no kids. Had he listened to me, and sought the therapy with me that I got for myself, perhaps some of those truly scarring things would never have been said, and we'd have had a chance. But it was only when I said "I want a divorce" that apparently he took it seriously enough to agree to counseling, but by then, it was too late for me emotionally. If we had had the kids, perhaps I would have tried harder, I don't know, I felt like i tried for years, but I was the only one making the effort....
If he honestly wants to change, and is open to therapy, there's a chance it could get better, if you're heart is still open to any amends he's willing to make.
Good luck to you and your family!
Yes , he has agreed to
Yes , he has agreed to go..but tagged on the fact that he thinks that I need anger management.......too funny.
He says that he is offended that i do not want to watch or spend time with his kids. Unbelievable. That is all i can say.
"no hunny, i married you with 4, i will stand by yourside, i will eat the crap, i will watch thousands slip thru your fingers to "support" them, i will deal with the ex and your drama with her.............but i will not, stand alone.
What doesn't kill you will make you stronger;..hold please- I'm going cancel my gym membership........
Crayon, the skids false
Crayon, the skids false sense of entitlement is rubbing off on your bf.. Perhaps if the contact between them was minimized, he might regain his SENSES!!!
OMG
If my DH told me "well if you dont want to watch my kids when i am not here you can pack your S**T and get out" I'd say see ya...have a great life. Never mind having the skids disrespect you, how can they have any respect when DH has none?