Is this age related or what?
Sd will be 9 later this month. She is the oldest child in our family, so I don't have a great deal of experience with kids her age. Some of her behaviors are getting on my nerves, and I'm not sure how much of it is just her age and how much of it is acting out. I also don't know the best way to deal with it.
She has to be involved in every conversation in the house. If I am dealing with one of the other kids, she has to put herself in the middle of it and assert her opinion. She echoes me when I ask another child to do something. She nags at the other kids (especially her next younger sister) about anything and everything. She is obsessed with what everyone is eating. If one of the kids asks me for something to eat, sd will be in another room and come running in to find out what they are getting and then of course she wants it too. She had an absolute fit this weekend because we all had strawberry shortcake after dinner but my dd6 doesn't like strawberries. She didn't eat anything. About 30 minutes later dd6 asked me if she could have a slice of bread. I gave her one. Sd comes running in to see if she can have one too. I said no, because she had cake but dd didn't. She literally cried about how unfair that was. If she overhears a bit of a conversation in which she thinks somebody is asking for something she butts in to find out what the conversation is about. It all boils down to her being weirdly obsessed with thinking someone is going to get something that she isn't. My other kids aren't so competitive. If they aren't hungry, but another kid asks for a snack, they don't automatically insist on having one too.
This stuff is bugging me in a major way. What do you guys think about this? What should I do to handle it in a way that she doesn't think she's getting left out?
might be age related, but maybe not
My SD is 10, a butt-in-ski and know it all. Any converstaion requires her insight, comments and expertise, especially when it comes to her other sisters, bio and step. This is welcomed at BM's house where she's enabled to be a parent and every one has to put each other down to make themselves feel better, but we try to explain that it isn't how we operate at our house.
The food stuff, usual kid stuff. So what if its not fair- life isn't fair! SD10 has a tough time in this area too but since she's not tbe parent, she doesn't get to make the rules. Stick to your guns, she'll figure it out, eventually.
MYOB
We had to deal with this with 3 SK's
and they started at a much younger age than 9 
It sounds like SD is afraid of being 'left out' and needs to be taught that sometimes not everyone is included.
My SK's have made progress and don't drive us as nuts with it anymore but they will occasionally have bad days and they have to be reminded...as nicely as possible...that they are not entitled to something just because someone else gets to have it, or do it...and that the world does not revolve around them.
It seems very harsh, but they are all coming to realize that when they start hollering "it's not fair"....life's not fair...get used to it LOL
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
BS is 10.
He's a total know-it-all and has become very bossy lately. I remember my when my eldest SD was 10 her being extremely bossy and trying to nose into adult affairs. It's probably part age and part being a competitive nibshit. I think you handled it great... you told her no and you gave her a valid reason for decision. I often have to tell my BS10 to butt out when I'm disciplining his sister. I just tell him, "This doesn't concern you. Please go find something to do." I also have no problem telling a kid that "life's not fair" as SteppieMary says above. I even go on to tell them how MY life is not fair. Usually shuts 'em right up!
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
I'm glad to find out that
I'm glad to find out that this is probably more her age than anything we're doing wrong! Sometimes I could go outside and scream at the top of my lungs it gets on my nerves so much. I am going to try to be more direct with her in butting out when its not her business.
That is somewhat trickier!
That is somewhat trickier! Does your husband welcome your input as far as disciplining your ss goes? Have you pointed it out to him that what his son is doing is rude? Maybe say something like, "have you noticed how ss is struggling with minding his own business lately?" Maybe then your dh will start noticing it, and realize what his son is doing. Or can you chime in before dh responds to ss and say, "This doesn't concern you. Don't worry about it." Something like that?
That happens
That happens here...different stuff bugs me than bugs my husband. You might also tell your H that it is in your ss's best interest that he learn to be less intrusive. People can't stand busybody children, and it is only doing your ss a favor to help him quit doing this. I'm kinda hanging on to the hope that they will outgrow this behavior!
SD12 does this because at
SD12 does this because at BMs she has to take care of SS. Apparently SS incites it though, instead of asking for lunch, he askeds BM can SD make me a sandwich, which in response BM says yea instead of no but you can make one yourself. What about eavesdropping? SD12 is horrible at eavesdropping. I mean really irritating and often times I want to smack her. It isn't so much that she does it but man it really pisses me off when she brings up our conversation later. The last time we took her camping the kids were in bed and had been asleep for a few hours. When DH and I finally made it to bed we quietly chatted. Well the next day during lunch SD brought up our conversation. It had nothing to do with what we had been talking about and it wasn't bad but I didn't want all of my business to be shared with the other people who we were eatting with. I had gotten to the point that when she is around I don't speak to DH.
It sounds
to me that she just needs to feel "special". It is not anything you're doing, but she feels she has to be extra vigilant in order to get her "share". Maybe extra hugs or special alone time with you where she feels "special" might help. I'm sure it is a passing phase. Irritating but passing.
My BS 13 and SD 13
Are both like this. BS 13 started it the day he was born, SD waited til 11 to start and is doing a terrific job of peaking over BS 13 now. Making up for lost time I suppose, or perhaps BS is finally maturing enough to realize that it doesn't get him anywhere.
BS 11...NEVER talks back over the occasional sigh of having to do something not so fun. He has been agreeable since the day he was born.
My brother,father and ex, all have an insane need to be right, for everyone else to be wrong, and are not satisfied with a patronizing "whatever you say," in an attempt to end a debate/argument. They are not satisfied unless they feel they have converted your way of thinking. So I KNOW where BS 13 gets it.
SD is just an angry crazy mess. Her need to interject is about the control she feels in setting off adults.
“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks
Not only is this age
Not only is this age appropriate, it is pretty much kid appropriate. She is echoing your instructions and such... she is using you as a model of how to be a mother.
I deal with the bossiness and buttinskiness with a few short phrases...
"What are you talking about"..... Nunya... as in nunya buisness
"Make XXXX clean his room".... Who do you worry about?
then there are the old faithfuls..... XXXX, I am the momma let met take care of this....MYOB.... Who said life was fair.... of course, the most favoirte... "because I said so"
I will say girls are more likely to exhibit this behavior.
so if this typical 9 and 10
so if this typical 9 and 10 year old behavior, I guess I can assume that's where my skids are emotionally
because SS is constantly doing the "what are you eating?" thing, and if it's something he likes, he wants some. he does that to everyone.
and my SD will not let anyone have a conversation without her-
"what are you talking about?" "what did my dad say?"
she doesn't get that I don't have to tell her the details of my conversations with other people..
How weird is this? I had no
How weird is this? I had no idea that kids of this age are prone to this behavior, but from what everyone has said, it seems like they are. I feel much better knowing it is normal. But I still hate dealing with it!
Give them the hand...
My BS12 does the same thing. When he tries to interrupt I DO NOT acknowledge him (which is what he wants). I simply give him the hand...as in "talk to the hand, b/c the rest of me ain't listenin'." If he tries to interrupt again I simply show him the hand until I am done having my conversation. Then I turn to him and say "Now that I am done talking, what was it you wanted to say?"
When this first started happening with him I found myself doing this several times a day, but since I have been consistent now I only have to do this every once in a while. The biggest point is NOT to acknowledge them when they interrupt.
I also do NOT accept being spoken to (yelled to) from another room. That grates on my nerves so bad. If you want to speak to me then you come find me and speak to me face to face! Otherwise, I will grab my broomstick and my flying monkeys and you will be sorry!! LOL
Don't make me get my flying monkeys!!!
God forbid i tried butting
God forbid i tried butting in on an adults conversation or tell my mom what to do... a sure spanking would come to me if i did. all my mother had to do was give me an evil look and would know what to do which was get out of her sight and let the grown ups to their business ... and when she would get after me for doing something wrong i would stay quiet and let her do the talking and only talk when asked...
what happened to that kind of discipline?
if a small peep would come
if a small peep would come out of my mouth when i wasnt supposed to talk my mom would pinch me on my arm so that no one could see. that was my cue to shut up and crying was not an option after the pinch... now we laugh when my brothers and sisters talk to my mom about this..
me too!
my mom always taught me to respect adults, not involve myself in their conversations, not tell her what to do or complain at what i was told to do and not constantly try to be the center of attention...and as a result, i turned out to be (GASP!) a well mannered, respectful young adult! oh my! now THATS child abuse!
sadly some people do
sadly some people do consider that as being child abuse...how stupid is that?
im not surprised
i posted on someone else's blog that i wondered if this lack of discipline was due more to the guilt that parents feel bc of the breakup of the bio parents, or is it more just the way people are now generation-wise, ie people just dont discipline their kids the way they used to, and maybe they cant bc of all the laws and closer eyes kept on everything? i think its a bit of both
yeah i also think its both.
yeah i also think its both. daddy wont do a thing to correct the child cause then the child wont want to come back and if they do well they get accused of child abuse. my sister once saw a case of "child abuse" on tv and she saw that the lady that spanked the boy was not a bad mother but authorities were on top of her as if she was the biggest criminal ever and judging her so bad. my sister said "that kid must have done something to deserve that spanking but cameras did not catch that".
thats why i disengage
after BM accused me of abuse the first time, for no reason other than jealousy, i feel like if i say anything or try to correct SD she will tell her mom im mean and then here we go again...BDs are probably afraid of the same thing
Just bought a book that says....
Though teenage years are difficult...most teens don't go to extremes. If they do then it's NOT just a teen thing. I think that's true of all "phases". It's just a phase if it's testing independence but if it's outright rebellion then it's not a phase. If left uncorrected it will lead to rebellion for life (at work with spouses etc.) Kids need us to teach them to cope.
Anyway, this particular book as I said is about teens. But SD and BS (both 13) started their push for control over us as parents much younger (like your kids.) The title of the book is
Stop Negotiating With Your Teen: Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody, or Depressed Adolescent
DH wants to take it with him on his business trip to read up and figure out how to get SD to stop trying to lie and manipulate her way through life.
“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks