of living alone for awhile, tell me please. did you find someone new, after how long? how old were you?
did you finally make a home with your new partner, and are you happy?
living alone is something EVERY woman should do at least once in her lifetime. i went from living w my mom, to going to college and living w roomates, mommy died :(, living w one boyfriend, breaking up and immediately moving in w the next boyfriend..this guy i thot was the one...3 yrs later he wasnt and when he left i become so depressed. i think mostly bc i was on my own for the first time ever, not bc i was w/o him. i was 24 at the time, young i know but thats when we make our dumbest mistakes i lived alone for 2 yrs...the first yr i didnt date anyone, i think bc i didnt open up my heart again. and honestly, i enjoyed living alone...i had my puppy and she was the best company i needed and during that time i learned ALOT about myself...who i really am, what i want, what i will and will not accept out of a relationship, and honestly, i know now that i would rather be alone than have any type of love that was less than the amazing love i found now! in october, i moved to st. louis after a one yr long distance relationship w a guy i met thru my corp headqtrs at work. we bot a house and are really in love, not that we dont have issues, obv thats why im here! if u arent w the rite one, its better being alone...i know easier said than done, but its so true. i think ALOT of people stay bc they are more afraid of being alone than losing their significant other...not saying thats u...give it time and i really think u will see its the best thing u ever did for yrself chava, and u will thank yrself for it! and trust me, so many nites i wish i could come home, eat cheese and crackers for dinner, walk around in my undies, take naps or stay in bed all afternoon on a sunday watching girlie movies
And enjoyed it. I dated. I had some very serious and satisfying relationships. At the end of the day, I always had the option of coming home to my bed. My place, and locking the door. I called my relationship pattern the four year flush. It seemed that I could go for four years, and then it was over. It hurt, but I moved on. Now that I made the real plunge, I occassionally long for the days of singleness. Making the jump to married for me has been a real eye opener. When we had been married for about eight months, I accidentally introduced my husband as my guest at a work function. That was pretty funny.
Being alone and in charge of yourself - not so bad. Being alone with someone else in charge of you - bad.
Here is a funny - ok, I was dating a guy for about a month, and decided he could find out where I lived. (I was security concious). So, at the time there was this ad on TV about instant cappacino - where the guy would go in the kitchen and make sounds like a cappacino maker and bring out a cup for his date/wife. Ok - so I asked the guy in for a coffee after a movie. Well, he asks for tea, so I had some - I go in the kitchen and make cappacino sounds - I thought it was REALLY funny! He left. I mean He Left - like bolted! I still crack up, I scared the boy away! Oh well.
Take time - date. Be happy with yourself and you will find someone to be happy with.
But I chose not to date anyone. If I wasn't working, I was with my BS and if he was with his dad, I was having "me" time. My ex wounded me deeply with his cheating and I did not want to jump into anything with anyone new. Time kept passing and before I knew it, a year had gone by and no dating, then another...But I was happy and fulfilled and the time went by without me realizing it had been so long. (No, I didn't have friends with benefits either.) People kept telling me I should date, but I really had just worked through all the hurt and mistrust I was feeling. I was happy and confident and there was no one in my life who could hurt my feelings. I'm 40 years old and have been married to my wonderful husband for a year now. I'm so happy. Happier than I was with my ex because there's a lot of trust between us and we are very good for each other.
I don't know how old you are, but when I was younger (especially my early 20's), I put with a lot of things that I would not put up with today. I was scared to be alone, scared of going through all of the hurt and tough times associated with breaking up with my boyfriend, scared of not finding anyone new (better stay with the rotten one I had than be alone because would anyone want me), etc. It was terrible to feel that way - better to have someone bad for me than no one at all. I would tell any young woman feeling that way now, girl, don't even doubt yourself like that!!!!!
I've been so broke it felt like being in college again. Eating soup every night for supper and not having money for anything fun like the movies. When Valentine's Day rolled around and other people got flowers and I could see people dressed up going to a dinner their loved one was taking them to, sure it stunk to be alone. And when I had really bad days, it would have been nice to have someone to cuddle up to who'd hold me and tell me it would be okay. Or when soemthing really great happened, it would have been nice to get a big hug and a congrats at my accomplishment. BUT, you deserve to be consoled or congratulated or appreciated or kissed or treated like a queen by a man who does it because you're everything to him. It's not enough to have someone there doing it like a robot or doing it because he feels guilty because he's been creeping. Had I known back then what I know now, I would have spared myself so much heartache.
The PEACE I have in my life now (relatively speaking since I'm a SM and my DH's EX/BM hates me) is wonderful. I couldn't live my life otherwise. We can get through everything because we do it together. And if I have to do it alone sometimes, I know that he is always there to pick me up should I fall and he'll help dust me off and get me back on my way. Hope this helps some.
I lived alone from 17 until I married at 26, then again after my divorce at 27 until I remarried at 31. I thoroughly enjoyed both experiences. I wouldn't trade my current husband for anything. (Yes, I call him my "current" husband to his face to keep him on his toes!) There are good days and bad days. I would even say there have been good years and really bad years. But I love him, he loves me, we're both committed to our family and I wouldn't give it up. I've been close to throwing in the towel, but somehow we always end up in a better place. There were lots of failed relationships between 17 and 31, so I had my doubts that I would ever been truly happy with one person for the rest of my life. Now I know that there's no such thing as the "perfect" relationship. It is what it is. It's what you both make of it. So far, we've made something pretty good of it.
I think the best things come to you when you stop looking for them and just focus on living your life.
♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
I left a very dysfunctional marriage. I was 23. I have two children who at the time were 5 and almost 2. I lived with just them and focused on them (and myself) for over 4 years. I have to say that it is one of the happiest times of my life. I dated but never introduced anyone to my children until I met and fell in love with my current husband.
Chava, my first husband was and is a good man. However, we have very different belief systems in the way women should be viewed and treated. I didn't want my two impressionable boys living and accepting their father's point of view and I was unwilling to accept that I could never have a respected voice in my household. I could tell you of horrific situations that parallel yours but I have forgiven the father of my children and I owe it to our current relationship not to rehash a past that he has admitted to regretting. I had no other option but to leave. I did it for myself and more importantly for the two sets of eyes and ears that were learning by example.
I had no money and had to move back in with my parents for two months. My first apartment was my refuge. I began living the life I wanted to live instead of worrying about another person's needs or wants (except my children of course). I took a divorce recovery class thru a local church and learned how to bury all my hurt and animosity and move forward. I forgave my ex and my greatest triumph was that he now respects me more than all the while we were together.
Learn to love yourself, Chava. Who cares about finding love with someone else. Happiness comes from a variety of sources and you have to remove the thought from your head that a man is going to be your ultimate happiness. I am in the best relationship of my life and it's also the hardest one. I think if my DH and I could've met 8 years down the road, our marriage would be destined for success. I mourn my single life on a regular basis.
I am happy and I deserve the very best. I will never compromise my self worth ever again.
You should try it....
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
And I'm happy. I've accomplished much. When I started out on my own I was living in a small apartment, had my old car, hardly any furniture, no cable, no internet, & I barely made enough to pay the bills. Now I live in a 2 bedroom 2 story brick townhome, have a new car, plenty of furniture (but I still need something to display the 2 sets of china I have - oh the horror!... lol!) & I'm making my patio my dream garden. I make a boatload of money & I have a good reputation at work... which means more raises. I am doing something I have always loved doing & I'm successful at it. I don't owe this to anyone but myself & God. I moved back to my home town after living a while in a big city, & things are so nice. I have a great relationship with my neighbor (she loves plants too) I am closer to my folks & people are more laid back. I also stress less about safety. I go outside more often & I've already had 3 sunburns this year - and I have olive skin. I sat in my living room last night, looked out of my window & realized I was very happy. (BTW - I work with a lot of attractive, nice men too.)
Sure, it would be nice to share this happiness with someone, but I would rather be alone & happy than be with someone who steals my joy. But really, it's only a matter of time before I meet that someone. In the meantime I'll sip my coffee on my patio in the morning or my wine at night.
This was after I divorced my first husband. Yes, it was hard at first but I was very content. I was more lonely with my ex in the same house than I was living alone, if that makes sense. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, didn't have to answer to anyone. It was great. I am remarried now and wouldn't trade him for all the coffee in Columbia, but still there are times when I yearn for the single life again.
When I was 28 I stopped living w/a boyfriend that I realized 8 yrs too late wasnt going to marry me. I moved into a 1 bedroom w/my 3 cats.. (YEP.. THREE!! Talk about a turnoff for guys.. but I didnt care!)
I lived there for 3 years. I was all alone, except for my cats, so holidays were the hardest. Waking up and waiting to go to my family's home to celebrate.. But you have a son.. You are in a better situation, as far as human interaction, than I was. Sure I had friends in the building.. Actually.. some of my best memories are from hanging out w/the single girl across the hall (she had 2 cats) and the fun and trouble that we would get into.
All in all. I would not change the 3 yrs I lived alone. Sometimes, I wish for those days, even though I do love my DH. And yes... when I was ready, I met someone new.
yes!!!
living alone is something EVERY woman should do at least once in her lifetime. i went from living w my mom, to going to college and living w roomates, mommy died :(, living w one boyfriend, breaking up and immediately moving in w the next boyfriend..this guy i thot was the one...3 yrs later he wasnt and when he left i become so depressed. i think mostly bc i was on my own for the first time ever, not bc i was w/o him. i was 24 at the time, young i know but thats when we make our dumbest mistakes
i lived alone for 2 yrs...the first yr i didnt date anyone, i think bc i didnt open up my heart again. and honestly, i enjoyed living alone...i had my puppy and she was the best company i needed 
and during that time i learned ALOT about myself...who i really am, what i want, what i will and will not accept out of a relationship, and honestly, i know now that i would rather be alone than have any type of love that was less than the amazing love i found now! in october, i moved to st. louis after a one yr long distance relationship w a guy i met thru my corp headqtrs at work. we bot a house and are really in love, not that we dont have issues, obv thats why im here! if u arent w the rite one, its better being alone...i know easier said than done, but its so true. i think ALOT of people stay bc they are more afraid of being alone than losing their significant other...not saying thats u...give it time and i really think u will see its the best thing u ever did for yrself chava, and u will thank yrself for it! and trust me, so many nites i wish i could come home, eat cheese and crackers for dinner, walk around in my undies, take naps or stay in bed all afternoon on a sunday watching girlie movies 
Lived alone for 20 years
And enjoyed it. I dated. I had some very serious and satisfying relationships. At the end of the day, I always had the option of coming home to my bed. My place, and locking the door. I called my relationship pattern the four year flush. It seemed that I could go for four years, and then it was over. It hurt, but I moved on. Now that I made the real plunge, I occassionally long for the days of singleness. Making the jump to married for me has been a real eye opener. When we had been married for about eight months, I accidentally introduced my husband as my guest at a work function. That was pretty funny.
Being alone and in charge of yourself - not so bad. Being alone with someone else in charge of you - bad.
Here is a funny - ok, I was dating a guy for about a month, and decided he could find out where I lived. (I was security concious). So, at the time there was this ad on TV about instant cappacino - where the guy would go in the kitchen and make sounds like a cappacino maker and bring out a cup for his date/wife. Ok - so I asked the guy in for a coffee after a movie. Well, he asks for tea, so I had some - I go in the kitchen and make cappacino sounds - I thought it was REALLY funny! He left. I mean He Left - like bolted! I still crack up, I scared the boy away! Oh well.
Take time - date. Be happy with yourself and you will find someone to be happy with.
I was alone for four years
But I chose not to date anyone. If I wasn't working, I was with my BS and if he was with his dad, I was having "me" time. My ex wounded me deeply with his cheating and I did not want to jump into anything with anyone new. Time kept passing and before I knew it, a year had gone by and no dating, then another...But I was happy and fulfilled and the time went by without me realizing it had been so long. (No, I didn't have friends with benefits either.) People kept telling me I should date, but I really had just worked through all the hurt and mistrust I was feeling. I was happy and confident and there was no one in my life who could hurt my feelings. I'm 40 years old and have been married to my wonderful husband for a year now. I'm so happy. Happier than I was with my ex because there's a lot of trust between us and we are very good for each other.
I don't know how old you are, but when I was younger (especially my early 20's), I put with a lot of things that I would not put up with today. I was scared to be alone, scared of going through all of the hurt and tough times associated with breaking up with my boyfriend, scared of not finding anyone new (better stay with the rotten one I had than be alone because would anyone want me), etc. It was terrible to feel that way - better to have someone bad for me than no one at all. I would tell any young woman feeling that way now, girl, don't even doubt yourself like that!!!!!
I've been so broke it felt like being in college again. Eating soup every night for supper and not having money for anything fun like the movies. When Valentine's Day rolled around and other people got flowers and I could see people dressed up going to a dinner their loved one was taking them to, sure it stunk to be alone. And when I had really bad days, it would have been nice to have someone to cuddle up to who'd hold me and tell me it would be okay. Or when soemthing really great happened, it would have been nice to get a big hug and a congrats at my accomplishment. BUT, you deserve to be consoled or congratulated or appreciated or kissed or treated like a queen by a man who does it because you're everything to him. It's not enough to have someone there doing it like a robot or doing it because he feels guilty because he's been creeping. Had I known back then what I know now, I would have spared myself so much heartache.
The PEACE I have in my life now (relatively speaking since I'm a SM and my DH's EX/BM hates me) is wonderful. I couldn't live my life otherwise. We can get through everything because we do it together. And if I have to do it alone sometimes, I know that he is always there to pick me up should I fall and he'll help dust me off and get me back on my way. Hope this helps some.
Oh, I LOVED IT!
I lived alone from 17 until I married at 26, then again after my divorce at 27 until I remarried at 31. I thoroughly enjoyed both experiences. I wouldn't trade my current husband for anything. (Yes, I call him my "current" husband to his face to keep him on his toes!) There are good days and bad days. I would even say there have been good years and really bad years. But I love him, he loves me, we're both committed to our family and I wouldn't give it up. I've been close to throwing in the towel, but somehow we always end up in a better place. There were lots of failed relationships between 17 and 31, so I had my doubts that I would ever been truly happy with one person for the rest of my life. Now I know that there's no such thing as the "perfect" relationship. It is what it is. It's what you both make of it. So far, we've made something pretty good of it.
I think the best things come to you when you stop looking for them and just focus on living your life.
♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
2001
I left a very dysfunctional marriage. I was 23. I have two children who at the time were 5 and almost 2. I lived with just them and focused on them (and myself) for over 4 years. I have to say that it is one of the happiest times of my life. I dated but never introduced anyone to my children until I met and fell in love with my current husband.
Chava, my first husband was and is a good man. However, we have very different belief systems in the way women should be viewed and treated. I didn't want my two impressionable boys living and accepting their father's point of view and I was unwilling to accept that I could never have a respected voice in my household. I could tell you of horrific situations that parallel yours but I have forgiven the father of my children and I owe it to our current relationship not to rehash a past that he has admitted to regretting. I had no other option but to leave. I did it for myself and more importantly for the two sets of eyes and ears that were learning by example.
I had no money and had to move back in with my parents for two months. My first apartment was my refuge. I began living the life I wanted to live instead of worrying about another person's needs or wants (except my children of course). I took a divorce recovery class thru a local church and learned how to bury all my hurt and animosity and move forward. I forgave my ex and my greatest triumph was that he now respects me more than all the while we were together.
Learn to love yourself, Chava. Who cares about finding love with someone else. Happiness comes from a variety of sources and you have to remove the thought from your head that a man is going to be your ultimate happiness. I am in the best relationship of my life and it's also the hardest one. I think if my DH and I could've met 8 years down the road, our marriage would be destined for success. I mourn my single life on a regular basis.
I am happy and I deserve the very best. I will never compromise my self worth ever again.
You should try it....
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
I've been alone for 7 years
And I'm happy. I've accomplished much. When I started out on my own I was living in a small apartment, had my old car, hardly any furniture, no cable, no internet, & I barely made enough to pay the bills. Now I live in a 2 bedroom 2 story brick townhome, have a new car, plenty of furniture (but I still need something to display the 2 sets of china I have - oh the horror!... lol!) & I'm making my patio my dream garden. I make a boatload of money & I have a good reputation at work... which means more raises. I am doing something I have always loved doing & I'm successful at it. I don't owe this to anyone but myself & God. I moved back to my home town after living a while in a big city, & things are so nice. I have a great relationship with my neighbor (she loves plants too) I am closer to my folks & people are more laid back. I also stress less about safety. I go outside more often & I've already had 3 sunburns this year - and I have olive skin. I sat in my living room last night, looked out of my window & realized I was very happy. (BTW - I work with a lot of attractive, nice men too.)
Sure, it would be nice to share this happiness with someone, but I would rather be alone & happy than be with someone who steals my joy. But really, it's only a matter of time before I meet that someone. In the meantime I'll sip my coffee on my patio in the morning or my wine at night.
Cajun Lady
I lived alone for seven years
This was after I divorced my first husband. Yes, it was hard at first but I was very content. I was more lonely with my ex in the same house than I was living alone, if that makes sense. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, didn't have to answer to anyone. It was great. I am remarried now and wouldn't trade him for all the coffee in Columbia, but still there are times when I yearn for the single life again.
When I was 28 I stopped
When I was 28 I stopped living w/a boyfriend that I realized 8 yrs too late wasnt going to marry me. I moved into a 1 bedroom w/my 3 cats.. (YEP.. THREE!! Talk about a turnoff for guys.. but I didnt care!)
I lived there for 3 years. I was all alone, except for my cats, so holidays were the hardest. Waking up and waiting to go to my family's home to celebrate.. But you have a son.. You are in a better situation, as far as human interaction, than I was. Sure I had friends in the building.. Actually.. some of my best memories are from hanging out w/the single girl across the hall (she had 2 cats) and the fun and trouble that we would get into.
All in all. I would not change the 3 yrs I lived alone. Sometimes, I wish for those days, even though I do love my DH. And yes... when I was ready, I met someone new.