Pissy again, dammit!
What do you do when your husband makes you mad more than he makes you happy?
My husband works for a tax company. He told me he cannot have ANY time off until after tax season is over. Fine. I have to take care of our two BDs (4 and 1) like I'm a single parent. I do ALL their transportation to and from daycare each day. I cook meals, take them to doctor appointments, everything. Because he can't get off work.
Or so I thought! He just called me at 3:30 pm to tell me he is leaving the office. Turns out SD14 needs physical therapy for her elbow and he made an appointment this afternoon. Hello! How can he do that?! Turns out he went in early to get in a full day of work. This is something he has NEVER told me is an option. So all the time I have been taking OUR BDs to their pediatrician or to a hearing screening or to everywhere else, he could have been helping out. But it wasn't important enough to do it for them or for me!
I am so fed up and frustrated right now. As soon as he told me he was leaving work early to take SD to physical therapy I got all quiet. He could tell something was wrong but isn't smart enough to think it through. Exasperated!
you seem so jealous of you sd
That she is spending alot of time with your dp alone and your not.
If you go on to him about his dd this and that its only going to drive a wedge between you. Maybe you thought having two kids would of made you closer but its seems like his dd is his number 1. You kids come second but you need to chat to him about this. How do you get on with your sd?
Why don't you go off something with her for an hour and get him to look after the little ones. Then come back and then maybe get a babysitter and you two and go somewhere as I said before while the sd is at her mums.
I understand your opinion
On this. It may come across as jealousy, but that's not the case. Our pastor told my husband he acts like SD is his primary child and our two BDs are his secondary children! Our counselor says I need to tell him what I want him to do, but every time I try we just end up in a fight.
It's just frustrating that he will make the time for SD but not for our two BDs. I am not exaggerating when I say that they see him maybe 8 hours total a week and often not even that much on weekends. Because he is busy doing things for/with SD. This morning, BD1 was patting his pillow and talking about daddy. Because he wasn't there for her, again. I'm in tears while I type this.
I would be pissy too
but like our other very smart collegues..I think a sit down is in order, he may think he is doing enuf for his BDs b/c he does work and is home when not working ( I assume)
maybe he feels the time he spends with your SD is all he has to give?
but I feel for you cuz it would rile me too!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Elizabeth, I agree
Elizabeth,
I agree w/Cruella.. I think you should have a discussion w/DH as to WHY he cant help out.
I think you should IGNORE mystery23's suggestion that you are merely jealous of your sd. I dont think this is your problem. I think that your dh should man up and be a father to ALL of his children not just one.
Next time there is something that you need help with. Tell him that he needs to go in to work early that day because you will be needing him at XYZ time. He opened up this can of worms himself.. he let you know that he CAN get off work earlier if he gets his time in earlier.. and I would remind him of this if he objects.
Keep your chin up!!!
I think a heart to heart is in order
To find out why he can go in early to take one child to a doctor's appointment but not the others. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
All I'm asking for is some good old honesty served up fresh when I ask for it without the side order of hot tongue and cold shoulder!
Sorry if its not the fact your jealous
going on from your previous threads that how you seemed.
If this is the case sit him down and speak to him. Tell him you don't want to get into a fight and the little ones are missing their daddy. Maybe he still not use to the fact he got another two kids I mean he aways done with sd maybe he can't seem to share his time with the little ones of her feelings.
How do you get into a fight everytime he talks to you? Just tell him the kids miss him while he is not at home all the time. Soon he will realise how much they miss and start spending more time with you and the kids.
He is wrong I do agree that he can't keep putting his dd first rather than the two you got together. Maybe as she lives with you he does this for her himself rather than getting you to do it as you got the little ones to deal with. Maybe he don't intentionally want to put the little ones second. As your his wife and he's your sd bio dd he probably feels he must do everything for her and that you both share kids and so they got both of you. So he feels you can deal with them by yourself. Sounds stupid but I feel I do everything for my lo and my dp does nothing and I am not a stepparent.
Division of labor, Elizabeth
I agree with Cruella that he probably feels 100% confidence in your abilities to take care of the bios, while he maybe doesn't feel the same degree of confidence in BM taking care of SD. Or maybe it's guilt. Who knows? All husbands and wives take each other at least a little for granted every now and then. He's definitely taking YOU for granted, but it's probably out of him being a typical oblivious male than it is about anything deeper than that.
I agree with the others who advise a heart-to-heart talk with him, but I would not mention SD at all. Don't talk to him about how much he does for SD vs. how much he does for the others. Don't make any comparisons whatsoever. Go at it from a "division of labor" angle. Most couples either discuss or fall into a routine when it comes to who will be doing what in the household. My hubby takes out the trash, I do the laundry. I cook the meals, hubby cleans up the kitchen after. That kind of thing. Every now and then, that division of labor needs to be re-evaluted to make sure it's fair. Whatever the current division of labor is in your household, it's obviously you who is taking on the bigger proportion of work. Tell him you are struggling, tell him you need some help, ask him to be more involved. Tell him specifically what you need and ask him to do specific things to make things easier for you. If you don't tell him what your needs are in the most specific terms possible, then he has little hope of ever really meeting them.
Men can be dense. You'll have to spell it out for him. Don't ask him to spend more time with the kids. Don't whine at him that he does more for SD than for the other two. Ask him to be available at _______ am/pm on _______ day/week/month to do _______ with/for _______. Seriously, spell it out for him like he's in kindergarten. Make it be about dividing up the responsibilities more fairly, rather than about it being "unfair" that he does more for SD. As soon as you make any reference to BM or SD, he'll shut down and/or get defensive. Go at it from the "honey, I need your help" angle and you may get further with him.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
I understand where your coming from,
early on in our marriage my HD could hear one of his kids get sick in the middle of the night and jump up and be right there to help them, this was with them not even coming to him, AND with his sleeping habits... he could sleep through a tornado and not wake up!!!! Later on,when OUR son was born,it is ALWAYS me who would have to take care of him, because HD would not wake up,even with BS coming into the room????? I have finally come to the conclusion (and after asking him) that he TRUSTS ME to be there for our son, he wasn't able to trust BB on ANYTHING,not even when it came to health care for their kids.So maybe you should ask him if this is the case,that he just DOES NOT TRUST THE EX to be there for his child?
You got to give it to him that he just MIGHT trust YOU. And I do know you feel like an old work horse, because it's just another way of BB getting out of doing HER JOB once again. So, as the saying goes, hang in there!
hangingin
I might have to try that
He would just rather let me deal with it because that way he knows it will get done. And he has the worst memory ever! But this lack of time with the little ones is really getting to me because they feel it! I left him home with BDs4 and 1 Sunday and went shopping. It felt great! And everyone was still alive when I got back.
I just don't know how to get him to see that he needs to spend time with ALL the kids. Don't cut BDs out of his life when SD is around.
This is a common
problem for young couples with children. And no, you're not being jealous of his spending time with his daughter YOU ARE UPSET because you get no break at all. TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE
Just a thought here: Some men "think" they are real busy at work when they have young children. It is easier to remain at work than to come home (especially with 2 or more children). It is not that they don't love you & the kids, it is just that they can pretend (even to the point of believing their own bs) to be real busy so they don't have all the stress. What is one or two hours anyway? It isn't like they're in a bar. They feel it is a no harm no foul kinda things. ARSES!