Preparing for a fight with husband
My husband just e-mailed me and said he wants to talk to me about SD this weekend. That never bodes well, because usually it means he wants to bitch about my behavior and do nothing to correct hers. What prompted this is that I told him the carpet needs to be vacuumed downstairs. SD does almost nothing all week but sit on her butt in front of the TV or the computer. Oh, and keep the cell phone glued to her ear.
When I finally get downstairs at 9:15 from putting BDs to bed and want to sit down and watch some TV, SD gets pissed. Even though she gets home from school at 2:30 and is usually on her butt in front of the TV when I get home at 6 pm.
Husband says he wants to talk to be about the issues with chores. Ack! I do almost everything around that house and when I ask for a little help I am being mean. SD only has to take trash out Monday morning, clean her bathroom (which she never does), clean her bedroom (also rarely done), vacuum downstairs (three rooms) once a week, and wash a load of towels. She is with us all week long, that averages out to one chore a day.
He thinks I am being unreasonable, I think he's being a jerk. I told him I don't want to talk at all if it's going to be a bitch about Elizabeth session. Forget it.
I wish!
I can't even imagine what that house would look like if I did that! Last night my husband was saying something to BD4 about what he could do with her (playing) if the living room was clean. I'm in the kitchen washing dishes, and I'm thinking, "Well then, dammit, clean it up!" I almost said that, but it wasn't worth it. If I went on strike, they'd have to condemn the house within a week!
Stand strong
He may try to guilt you into submission/doing everything. I know you will not let that happen!! SDs need chores to do, to prepare them for life. Let us know what happens!
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
Cruella, you are such a gem!
We should all have a frying pan for situations like these! Maybe you should try it out on that attorney your husband is using?!?!
Boy, this scenario sure rings a familiar chord with me, Elizabeth. I have a SS who does nothing - I whine about it daily. I, too, tried striking once but the mess - yuck! No one else cared, someone has to, I don't want to live in squalor. EEEEWWWWWWW!
All I'm asking for is some good old honesty served up fresh when I ask for it without the side order of hot tongue and cold shoulder!
My 10yo son's chores
Feed and water dog daily.
Poop scoop the back yard two or three times a week.
Clean his room weekly, including vacuuming.
Put away his laundry. (And yes, that means hanging things up in the closet and not just shoving everything in a drawer. This is probably twice a week.) He also helps me fold towels and match socks.
Empty the dishwasher when asked. (Usually once or twice a week.)
Clean the upstairs bathroom once a week that he and his 5yo sister use.
If my 10yo can do it without (1) bitching and (2) causing strife between me and my hubby, then SO CAN YOUR SD. Give 'em hell!
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
That is awesome!
Unfortunately, nothing will make my husband decide SD has to do certain chores. SD was supposed to vacuum carpet downstairs (living room, kitchen, breakfast room) last Wednesday, and it still hasn't been done. The excuse? There is stuff on the floor and it is not SD's job to pick it up. (Evidently neither is it my husband's job, and BDs4 and 1 are too young. So who is supposed to do it? Hmmm)
She should consider herself LUCKY
When I was 12 years old I was changing diapers. When I was 15 years old I was cleaning the entire house (except my mom's room), doing all the dishes (there were a total of 9 in my family), doing all the laundry, all the ironing, bathing my little brothers. When I was 17 and out of high school I was doing all of the above plus all of the cooking and canning vegetables from our gardens (note: more than one garden). I was getting my siblings off to school in the mornings, too. And she thinks she has it bad?
One thing your husband needs to think about is that this is not just free labor here. Doing chores will prepare her for when SHE goes out ON HER OWN. How else is she supposed to learn the proper way to keep house? When I went into the military, there were girls who had no frigging clue how to wash their own clothes! I just laughed because I actually knew how to run an entire household!
My husband's mother taught him how to do all that stuff in addition to cooking so he wouldn't have to get married and have someone do it all for him like his father did.
These are actual skills, not a form of punishment. Tell your husband to extricate his head from his rear end and show you a little support!
Wow
That was a lot you did Sasha! Holy smokes! I agree with what you say though, because I know unfortunately. My mom did most everything except laundry for me, and when I left I did not realize houses, bathrooms, etc. got dirty, I thought my college roommates were just pigs!
I was the baby and the others were a lot older. I found out later my mom always found me with my nose in a book and that was real important to her, so she wouldn't stop me from reading, is how she saw it. Also she said she had to work so hard as a child she didn't want me to have to. Its not right and my older sister says she did it all (wrong), but Mom had good intentions and this makes me miss her all over again.
But fast forward to adulthood my roommates had to teach me to wash dishes, mop, etc. Even now DH shows me things. It was and is embarrassing and I still read but no one rescues me now. Teach her how and make her do it, it is not good to not know these things.!
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
Grocery shopping
When my mom did the grocery shopping she would always take my brothers but not me. I guess she needed their help loading and unloading all the bags. Once I asked her if I could go with her but she said no. My stepdad got on her case, told her she needs to take me because SHE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO DO IT. He was so right. Even something as simple as that is a learned skill.
Besides learning the proper way to maintain a home, it's only fair that those who live in the house contribute to its upkeep. It can be way too much for one person to handle. My husband helps all the time with the housework.
I would be interested to hear from Elizabeth on what her DH had to say.
Feel Ya - Most Evil
My mother did alot too!!! Except, I didn't even know how to do laundry! Thats pitiful! My 10 BD does her laundry. Now she still doesn't know how to keep her room clean, she will clean it but it just never stays straight. Chores are important life lesson. It is just like work, you have to do it! Better learn early!
Elizabeth - I know all this ticks you off - but my experience has been, I would make sd do chores and she would say she did it and I would go behind her and OMG, it would really +iss me off. I think that you and Cruella need to find a place together, can you imagine how clean and tidy yalls house would be !!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
my boys
Both my Bss know how to do laundry,know how to cook, know how to vaccuum and clean bathrooms, Kids will eventually become adults, they need the tools to learn to live on their own.
also they both have bank accounts and savings accounts-I was not being a biotch I was being a responsible parent, plus I did not want them living with me FOREVER hee hee..reall I did not want them to have to depend on anyone other than themselves.
stand your ground she needs to learn now how to take care of herself for later.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Nothing happened
Another letdown. I almost would have welcomed the fight, just to get a glimpse of exactly what is going on in his head. I was like Sasha when I was a kid, but it never seemed to bother me. I had an older brother and a younger sister, and I took care of BOTH of them. Because I was the oldest girl. That was expected. Plus laundry, dusting, sweeping and vacuuming, dishes, cooking, etc. Plus babysitting every day after school and a lot of weekends, plus working a part-time job, plus being on the honor roll at school. It can be done! That's what makes me so mad, having a 14yo in the house who DOES NOT contribute but expects to have equal rights with me. I don't think so!