Am I being unreasonable here?
I have just got back from a weekend away with my dearest BF for our anniversary, and Ive never had so much stress in one weekend! Before we went away he promised me that we would have some quality time together and not be interrupted by the *boys* (FFS theyre not BOYS theyre all in their 20's) or by anything else, as he was feeling bad about not always giving me 100% in our relationship. He realises we have issues and one the one hand he is trying to sort things out but on the other hand his scrounging hateful waste of space sons are taking up more and more of his time and energy, leaving less for me.
He promised me that for the weekend he would turn off his cell phone and only check it once a day in case anything had happened to Si (his alcoholic gambling addict son) as he is worried that hes depressed and might do something and then he would feel guilty if he wasnt there for him.
He didnt turn it off at all all weekend and was at one point on the phone for over an hour.. not to one of his kids, but to his assistant at work and to his friends who he goes to soccer with. I asked him after that call to turn the phone off... He still didnt, giving the reason again about his son.
He honestly thinks Im being unreasonable, and I dont... What am I going to have to do to get some attention (other than sexual) from this man?...
His kids take up about 80% of his time when he is not at work and they constantly prey on his guilty feelings knowing that if they dont do something about their situations, dearest daddy will step in and rescue them. Two of them are currently living in temporary housing and the third is living with us. The temporary housing has now come to an end and they are being told that they now have to find somewhere to live, they are due to be evicted on December 22nd.... and havent even started saving for a deposit let alone looking for anywhere. Third son (the youngest who is 20) has just deferred his University place as he wasnt fitting in with the people there. dearest BF told him he therefore needs a full time job, but has he got one.. has he hell, hes been spending all of his time at his girlfriends house so that we cant ask him to get his job situation sorted out.
Im reaching the end of my patience and told dearest BF that if something doesnt change soon he and his son will have to move out... I have the tenancy and all the bills etc in my name because he cant get any kind of credit etc due to his divorce... and Im tempted to turf the lot of them out of my life.... Or am I being unreasonable here?
I really don't think so.
I really don't think so. Either he needs to stop giving you empty promises or go. This might be what it takes to make him realize you really mean it.
Hipi
run Forest run
It sounds like the best thing for you would be to run for the hills.
Sorry you are finding yourself in this situation.
Who's taking care of you?
No one is looking after or taking care of you. If it's not happening now - chances are it won't get better unless someone gets a bump on his head. Find someone who will be considerate of your needs. Aren't these kids adults? Run like the wind - it's a healthy sport
Stand back and take a good look at things.....
It's hard to give any advise when it comes to whether you should end the relationship or not....but you need to take care of you and it seems as though no one is even considering your feelings at all.
I am doing the a lot of soul searching myself for my situation. As much as my heart tells me I love him, I have to look at the big picture in reality. What am I getting out of this relationship. Personally I think you should be doing this as well. I wish you the best in any decision you make. Hugs.
Corie
The kids are in their 20s?
The key to making any relationship work is to pay attention to the adults. In trying to craft a successful step family the two adults have to have a good solid relationship. If his kids are in their 20s -- there isn't much that can be done. The guidance and attention should have been spent on them so much earlier.
He can't change them now. You can't change them now. I doubt they can even change themselves. Absent some life shaking experience you may just be in for more of the same.
Sorry.
Kevin
Thank you
Thank you to those who have commented, its pretty much summed up what I was thinking of doing. Am due to have a long talk with dearest partner at some point in the next couple of days... once I can get him to set some time aside... and turn off his phone... Its times like this I begin to understand why his first wife may have left him.
Pack Your Bags
Last comment by Kevin was right on the money. Pack your bags little sister. This guy is an enabler and a loser. You sound pretty level headed, and could do so much better. You will alsways be "the other woman" and his "boys" will always be 10 and in need of help and guidance in his eyes. Get yourself a man with real values.
Think for Yourself