Is there a step parent bill of rights
Forums:
I know that when I was looking at some other forums I saw a list of the stepparents bill of rights. I don't know who the author was but I could definately use that list. My husband and I are moving into a new home in a few weeks and I want to put a set of rules in a frame for everyone to see. If you are reading this and you have a list of rules for stepparents to have please post them I am open to all suggestions. Thanks.
Platinum Rule
I have not seen a "bill of rights" but that would be cool. But what we do have in my house and at 1st it was posted on the fridge but now we have it stenciled over our hallway to the bedrooms is what we call "The Platinum Rule" (named after the golden rule) "Do unto others as THEY wish to have done unto THEMSELVES". We have many, many (and many more to come) family meetings on this subject.
I have seen it.
I used to have a copy, I looked around a bit but can't find it. I will see if I still have it somewhere...
It is what it is...
If you're talking about the one that was on this forum...
I have it on my fridge..let me know if thats the one and I'll put it online..
Here it is..
Stepparents Bill of Rights
I will be part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times
People of outside ny immediate family, including ex's, in laws, and children cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long.
I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
I will be consulted on all family financial matters.
Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
I will not be treated like an outsider in my own home.
My spouse and stepchildren will treat me with respect.
Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.
Hey...
Do you know who wrote this originally? It's pretty awesome and I'd like to give credit if I ever pass it on.
Thanks!
one more thing to the bill
I would like to add that "My children will be treated with kindness and respect" so that the step children don't come over and mistreat their half or step siblings. And one last thing my mother has told me over the years. "It is none of my business what other people think of me" So be nice to yourself and kind to others and don't worry about the rest.
Thanks for letting me into your chat rooms. I like you all.
Kathleen
yw...
No I don't know who wrote it..someone posted it here a couple weeks ago
That was just what I was
That was just what I was looking for thanks sixxnguns.:)
Your welcome
Thank you! I have printed
Thank you! I have printed this up to put up where DH can see it. I doubt it will make a difference, but it will make me feel better.
legal rights for stepmom
Hi, I'm new here and I have a question which me and my husband can't answer. What are my rights as a stepmom? As far as I know, I don't have any rights regarding my two stepsons who live in my husbands and my house from sunday night until friday night. I am the main caregiver of the boys - will say that I am the one that parents them, takes care of their school stuff, takes care of their appointments with doctors and dentists and whatever else comes up. I actually do everything what their bio parents are supposed to do. My husband and his ex have shared custody, but my husband has the living rights. For the last four years they lived half of the week with us and the other half of the week with their mother, but she is not a lot into the kids when it comes to responsebility. So she asked my husband already twice in the last 5 years if he wants the younger boy for good because she doesn't come along with him. Back then I still lived in Germany and my husband couldn't have done it by himself. We started this year now that they live during the week with us and on the weekends with her. She asked us we would do it and of course I said yes. My husband thinks I have the same rights as a bio parent, but like I said already, I don't think so. Is there anything my husband can do to give me rights?
legal rights for stepmom
Sorry we have no rights in anything but to pay and lok after the kids. Nothing at all Sorry. Jo
Not any really, but
at the kids' doctors he can sign a consent form for you to take them for treatment without his presence. Um, with the schools and other things, my husband just always tells them to please note in the children's files that things can be discussed and dealt with through me also. Most people/companies don't have any problem with it. We do this with the lawyers and everything. It does make it easier, but it doesn't give you total rights as if they were your own.
"They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I just wish he didn't have so much confidence in me."
You have rights
I think it might depend from state to state. But when you say rights what do you mean? Like medical decision rights or sending a permission slip for a school activity?
You are beautiful too. Is that you and your baby?
Kelly Kathleen
yep, that's my baby, my
yep, that's my baby, my brother the godfather and me. Thanks for the compliment!
Well, right now I do sign permission slips for the kids and sign their stuff. But I mean like legal rights. Like in the case my husband would die. Would I have any rights to visit them or even keep them as long as they are minors because their mother sucks as a mother and the fact that she wanted to get rid of the younger boy anyway. Or now, can I sign a letter from the school for release of information...for my ss therapist?
Not in the state I'm in
In PA, if a BP dies, custody automatically goes to other BP. Steps have no rights to visitation either. I do not sign any permission slips, go to MD or dentist with Dh's son be/c I don't want the responsibility of any of it AND don't want the BM griping.
Also, sending a child to therapy requires the consent of both biological parents.
Be very, very careful of what you're taking on. It may seem like BM doesn't care but sooner or later, she'll get a burr up her ass and start to care and you'll be the ones suffering.
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
Bad news
Be kinder than necessary to everyone! We all have our battles.
I had 5 stepchildren for 7 years (california) and their father did pass away. I had the kids full time and mom visited on weekends. When he died she was able to take them all away and my poor son (he was 7 at the time) lost his whole family all in one fell swoop. There was nothing I could do about it.
mici07
You need to get your H to sign a Power of Attorny, (PA) statement so that if he is not present and the kds need medical care you can sign for them. Usually it just states that in an emergency if neither BP is available you have the power to sign for medical care. You can also add that since they are with you 75% that you have the power to sign school docuements, sign them in and out of school or any other event that needs tending to and the BPs are not available.
I have two SD and 1 BD. I
I have two SD and 1 BD. I have been married for 2 years and since we got married the kids have lived with us. the BM has been here and gone, goes months without calling kids, when she does call she says that I have been screening the calls which never happen. The oldest SD is not my husbands it is his daughters sister, we have no custody and my husband won't do anything to obtain custody. anyways I have no support and feel like I have no love. I constantly feel like a prisoner in my home, I do all the mothers dirty work but get no benefits of a mother(like love) I am the only that feels like we should have rules my daughter gets disciplined but when it comes to the SD I think that my husband is afraid that she will want to go live with the BM. I just feel like saying good riddance with the whole bunch and take my baby and run I need to talk to someone that knows how I feel soon before I go and commit myself to a mental institute. No joke
I know exactly where you are
I know exactly where you are at. I married a man with 2 children that lived with him full time. Bio mom was out of picture completely living in another state. She rarely saw the kids. Then surprise! She moved in down the street.(really) It has been hell ever since. The girl lives with us full time along with my son. His son moved in with mom and it has been nothing but problems since. It sounds like your kids are small, mine are teens and the bays have had some huge issues. Unfortunately when it comes to someone else's children the water gets very muddied. I have come to the sad conclusion that you can't fix this but only learn to deal with it in a way that will allow you to have some sort of happiness and fulfillment with your family. I am at the point I don't do the mothering. I sort of think of the kids as the neighbor kids. I treat them kindly but as far as discipline I leave it to Dad. That way I can't be accused of crossing the line or trying to undermine him. It has become such a hot issue in our home there have been a few times I have almost thrown in the towel. Hang in there and remember why you married this man. I'll be thinking of you.
I so know where you are
I have been with my boyfriend for almost six years. We bought a home together, a dream home where I have my horses and it was the beginning of heaven for us. Until we got custody of his (now) 15 year old son. He is the absolute most disrespectful, irresponsible, nasty mouthed, misguided child that I have ever encountered in my life. I raised my own two kids and did childcare for 13 years in the process so, between that and dealing with two step children from my 12 year marriage, I am not really a stranger to the whole "step" thing... For the almost two years that we have had custody of him, we have got him progressed in school, provided him with a stable "normal" home life but nothing is good enough. He has been stepping VERY close to a line for a long time and has made our lives here in our "dream" home absolutely miserable.... I have had many conversations with his father to try to let him know that I am feeling very much the outsider, feeling like we are just not on the same page... feeling just not good about the whole situation.. I am just not feeling the love at all, from either direction and it all is based around his behavior. He thinks nothing of telling his father exactly what he thinks of me, VERY loudly.. and trust me, I have no intention of repeating his words for me.. What is someone to do at this point? I feel in my heart like it has to be him or me however.. I am not a person that can issue an ultimatum like that.. and... if I did and he were to chose me.. how long would we last before he was resentful towards me about the whole situation?? I am going to lose my mind in this whole thing. I am sooo miserable and feel that I have tried every approach to making this all work that I can think of.. still no good... Help???
Sounds like
You have a Zippy16 Clone-Except Zippy does not have words for me as DH and Zippy both know I would plug that cake hole of Zippy's in one heck of a hurry!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Be kinder than necessary to
Be kinder than necessary to everyone! We all have our battles.
I would try again with your boyfriend to let him know how bad things are for you. Children at any age should respect the parents (step or not). When my 17 yr stepson gets too mouthy I shut him down. He can throw all the hissy he wants, but when his dad gets home, he backs me up 100%. I made it very clear to my husband that our children always come first, but when one of us is being attacked, we always have to have each others backs because when all the kids are gone, it will be just the two of us. If we haven't stuck together, just the two of us will be no good.
I have my own bill of rights
I have my own bill of rights and that is to live peacefully in my home with my husband despite what SD feels she is entitled to.
Thank you for sharing the
Thank you for sharing the Bill of Rights. I have identified several that are not recognized in my long relationship. I appreciate your suggestions and advice about how I can change this with my boyfriend, we are not married. He asked, I said yes . . . while later said no. Reason why? Our relationship does not include the basics a relationship must have to be successful till death do us part. I would appreciate postive responses only. Negative deadend advice is really not helpful when the objective is be successful in my relationship. Thank you.
Bill Of Rights I do not have.
I will be part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times.
I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
I will be consulted on all family financial matters. (this one is really challenging because we are not married and do not combine our finances)
Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission. (sd (21 years old) takes my personal belongings without asking. sneaky though, I lack proof to present to her father)
I will not be treated like an outsider in my own home.
My spouse and stepchildren will treat me with respect.
Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.