I just need to vent... & hopefully get some advice!
I am on the verge of tears as I write this from the frustration I feel. I just received a phone call from my fiance, who was also near tears, about his ex-wife & her b.s. He found out today that he can not go after her for child support because she is working under the table. (Which of course she did not volunteer, but his lawyer found out.) She is one tricky b*tch. She knew he was taking her to court again for child support (since he was denied a year ago for it due to the fact that she didn't work). So instead of being any kind of human being & wanting what's best for her children, she finds herself a job where she doesn't have to claim her income. What is wrong with this woman????? She bearly sees her children & now she makes sure she doesn't have to take care them financially either. When my fiance asks her for $, which is rarely, she always reverts to "you only call when you want money". It's not like he can ask her for much else since she doesn't feel the need to be a part of her children's lives. We have NEVER kept the kids from her & have allowed her to call or see them whenever she wants... which seems to be once in a blue moon. She is such a piece of work!!! But what is most frustrating is the fact that my fiance & I are struggling as it is to make sure the children have all that they need.... & I'm talking about the important stuff like clothes, food & a roof over their head. All this while that woman drives around in a brand new car & enjoys a social life better than anyone I know. How is this at all fair? I try very hard to think of the positive in all situations, but I can not find it right now. I feel so angry & frustrated... wishing just ONCE that the ex would get her due. Does anyone have any advice... or a kind word to brighten my day? Thank you for allowing me to vent... I feel a little better.
I feel ya
I feel your pain on this. We go through the same thing. Neither of the BMs help us financially at all, but my DH won't ask them for help. Neither volunteer and one even lies to the courts about her income so they cant' get any money from her.
My only advice is to find out who's paying her under the table and serve them with papers. If they get the paperwork they have to pay up.
Good luck and keep your head up.
Dawn
Deadbeats suck
My ex currently owe me $11,000 in back CS. Do what you can to provide for the kids knowing that by far, love is the most important and priceless thing they can have, however...
Have you called the county to see what resources they have available? For example, in the county where my CS Court order was filed they can garish wages AND take away drivers licenses, capture tax returns, etc for deadbeat parents.
My ex continues to lose jobs and work under the table, but I get his tax returns, he lost is drivers license and we're working on getting his hunting licenses revoked- haha!
yes ....
I agree...why is it that certain people can get away with this...it should be court ordered that she have a REAL job and take care of her kids..North Dakota is buckling down on deadbeats..and it rocks!
Check with your local
Check with your local attorney general's office. We took our BM to court to have CS done through the court system b/c we were paying way too much oop and for my peace of mind. We just wanted it in writting and legal. We were paying about $200 more than we should have been per month, and half of everything.(school clothes- which BM spent whatever she wanted and expected us to pay half, every sport you could imagine for a child and uniforms, etc.) Unfortunately my husband lost his job the week before he went to court. He is an electrician and even though he was jobless at the time they follow a table for "potential" earnings in our state. If she has a degree or any special license they might do the same thing. Even if she doesn't they might have a table they go by for a secratary or whatever she does under the table. I think they do this so deadbeats don't get a minimum paying job and try to beat the system. It doesn't hurt to ask.
Thanks for all the kind words!
All of your words of wisdom/ advice has helped me.... THANK YOU ALL!!! My fiance is going to the lawyers tomorrow, so hopefully he can get some good news from that meeting. I shouldn't knock the ex completely... afterall, she has given $400 (in 3 yrs) & seen the children maybe 30 times in the last year, along with not calling once in the month of July (yes, we document everything).... I mean she should be mother of the year with that selfless beghavior, right? In the end, I have to remember that she looses... especially since my SD12 is "done with her" as she puts it. Her brothers, ages 5 & 9, will see their mother for what she is if she keeps up the way she is. It will be heartbreaking to have to see it happen to them as it has been for my SD. I guess our best revenge is to live happily ever after.... no matter what shit & drama she throws our way.
What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger!
dead beat parents.......
My ex takes the father of the year award...he owes $86,000 and has seen the (3) kids maybe 20 times in the last 9 yrs. We have family responsibility office here where he is registered for child support arrears. They can not take his license, he has 3 lifetime suspensions for dui, they can't take his income tax returns, as he does not file, they can't garnish wages, because he is one step ahead of them each time they catch up and quits as they have to give the employer 10 days notice, thus they, the employer must inform him. He also does a lot of under the table work as well. However, with all that said and done, if your hubby can find her to serve her with court papers and she attends court, unless she has a really good reason for not working...ei: disability, etc., they "should" state that she is able to make an income of some sort and set a rate. Can you have it registered anywhere for cs where you live? What you can stop by registering the arrears is anytime she puts something in her name, for example, a car, house, etc., you can put a lein against for arrears in child support. So she would not be able to borrow $ or sell without first paying off her arrears. Here they can also take their bank account $ if you can somehow find out where she banks. Hope that helps somewhat. Keep your chin up, its tough, been there...and still living it!!
Corie
job search
In our state the excuse of I don't have a job doesn't fly- even the jobless are usually ordered a small amount of support and then ordered to complete job searches and prove they are applying regularly for gainful employment and atleast if she isn't paying it,it will be on her mind.
Depending on where BM is working try to find a friend to go in with a camera cell phone and get proof of her performing duties of employment.....Nobody works for free-right? And since its probably a public place its perfectly legal too.
Ask the judge to subpeona all checking, savings, w-2s if any and all current loan info(if BM is driving it it probably has payments and if she can't produce title she has to explain where the payments are coming from) for the last 12 months-
God love the technology!
OMG
You have touched on a subject that is SUCH a sore spot with me right now. My DH is going after BM for a raise in CS. She is hiding her income because she lives in another country. I can't go into specifics right now. I will after the court date however she is doing everything in her power to obstruct our finding out what her income is. We did a Discovery with Interratogories (spelling may be off) the Judge is demanding to see her tax papers. Now she is claiming a disablity!!!!! We have literally spent about $4,000 in Attornies fees because of her obstructive behavior in getting the income information to the court. We have been totally open about our income. Why is it she is not being held to the same standards?
Anyway I feel your pain. It is so frustrating and unfair. Both parents should be made to work to support these children equally.
Ugh
My ex owes me $35k in back child support. Like Corie, the dead beat doesn't have his driver license, works 'under the table' and generally just is WORTHLESS. Supposedly, the Child Support Enforcement Agency in my county is indicting him as a felony for non-payment. That means he could be face serious jail time if/when they catch him. Still, it doesn't help me financially. *Sigh*
ALL of you are the best!!!
Thank you for all of your advice. It's always so nice to have such great support. My fiance went to the lawyers & returned with good news. The lawyer is personally going to serve her @ her job as proof she does indeed work. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this ends in a positive manner. Now if only she'd see the children, life would be great for everyone. I'll keep you posted. I hope all is well with you gals!
What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger!
I know how you feel!
My Husband has custody as well and BB is a deadbeat also, she is perfectly capable of working, she just choses not too, or she will end working and getting fired within in a few months so we will only see $50 in a span of 6 months, throughout the year, BB doesn't even make enough to claim a tax return, she owes us thousands, and it makes me soooooo frusterated knowing that I have to support their child when I have one of my own. So I know how you feel I am there right along with you, keep your chin up it can't get much worse, can it?