We just found out that our 17 year old daughter (my step)is pregnant. Her boyfriend is a loser....does anyone know what rights he has to the baby, etc. since they are not married?
First off he can get DNA testing to prove he is the father and then he gets visitation and all that. But yet to he has to get a job and pay child support for this child. Does he know? Does he want to be a part? what does SD want?
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
He turns 18 in September and has known for the last two months that she is pregnant. She says that he has been avoiding her for about the last month. Now his parents want to get involved and meet with us to discuss what we expect out of them and him. She said she would like to set some ground rules. They seem to be decent people but they tend to overprotect him. His mother told my wife on the phone that he is tired of her and they would probably have broken up if it wasn't for this situation. They also said that they wanted to make sure that he did what he needed to do but in the same breath said that they were not going to hold him back during his senior year from doing the "things that seniors do". This furiates my step daughter because she is already at the point where she see's him running around doing whatever he wants and she is stuck in her situation. His mother is very matter of fact about the entire situation. He avoids her so she is calling his house trying to talk to him and his mother says "that is going to stop!". Well of course she is trying desperately to talk to him. I just want to have my stuff in order when we talk to them this weekend.
your daughter did not get in this situation by herself? IT took him to provide the "Stuff" so now its time for his parents to make him grow up and be a man. If you are going to play you have to pay. Not hold him back on being a senior, how about they should have boughten his some condoms or sat down and talked to him about getting his winky wet. Not that your daughter is innocent but now she is going to be the one taking care of this little precious being while he is out cruising for chicks with his buddies! I would say this weekend, depending on yrou feeling, if this kid does not want to grow up then why not sign off and let that child come to him when its older. I feel for your situation I do, I think you should definately explain to his parents that um he is a senior with some major responsibility coming on, parenting is no easy task as you know.
Adoption is an option, which to me is a sane way of being unselfish and saying I made a mistake but I am going to give you a better life. I am not sure on your thinking with this, but its an option, there are a lot of people out there in the world who want so desperately to have a child and can't.. Just a thought!!
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
...on his rights as the father. He gets them, whether he's married to her or not. Not to seem indelicate or anything, but how far along is she and is abortion an option? He would not be able to prevent her from terminating the pregnancy, if that were her choice. But she wouldn't be allowed to cut him out of the child's life, once the child is born and he expresses an interest to actually participate as the father. Being that they are both minors, they cannot legally enter into a contract of any kind, which means they'll both need parental representation, no matter what they decide.
If she decides to keep the baby... Since neither of them is legal yet, I'd tell her to forget calling him and let you parents hash something out. If he wanted to have anything to do with her/the child, then he would be knocking down your door trying to talk to her. You might want to retain an atty, because you'll have to file custody paperwork and all that crap to determine physical custody, legal custody and visitation. With the "tender age" doctrine that most courts follow, it's possible that neither the father or his parents would get overnight visitation until the child is older than age three or four. She can go to your state's Division of Child Support Enforcement to get CS payments going as soon as she delivers... that can be done without hiring an atty or going to court. I'm not sure if DCSE would help with prenatal care, but he/they should reimburse her/you for half of all pregnancy-related medical expenses and medical/dental, etc. expenses for the child throughout the child's life.
I hope you've had her tested for STDs, considering his attitude and the fact that they obviously had unprotected sex. Something undiagnosed can be detrimental not just to her, but to the baby. Good luck to you guys... keep us posted!
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
Sounds to me like the boy's parents are trying to close ranks on taking any responsibility. You should talk to a lawyer because I think in some states the parent's income can be considered for child support if the children are under a certain age.
is 21 and 2 years ago had a baby with an 18 year old girl. Because they were not married he had ZERO rights to the baby and was not even allowed at the hospital for the birth. We had to hire an attorney and file for DNA testing upon the birth of the child. (Which we did) However, she was 4 1/2 mos. old before it went through the court and the order was served upon her and then another 5 weeks to get the results. We THEN had to take the DNA results to court and file for visitation. As soon as this happened, she filed and asked for child support. She started getting it within 2 weeks. Meanwhile, it took us another 6 mos. to actually have the visitation initiated and even then, it is called "Guarded minimal infant visitation" which basically means, he goes to her parents house every Saturday for 2 hours to see the baby. They will not allow me to see her because I was a mean Grandmother that stood behind my son when he conducted himself as a real man should and stepped up to the plate to be responsible for his child. We plan to take them back to court the first of the year to have the visitation plan changed in hopes that she can spend more time with us on our own turf.
We were told by the judge that because they were not married, he had ZERO rights and had to prove himself in the eyes of the court. However, this all being said, my son was commended by the judge for being one of few men that didn't hide under a rock when it came to taking care of his child.
You do have the upper hand but unfortunately, if he chooses to pursue this, it may not always be that way.
I would have her immediately stop any contact with him or his family and raise the child on her own. She will open up a whole hornets nest. It won't be worth the money, the headache that will follow with fighting over money, visitation, his new girlfriend watching "her" child ect.
Let them off the hook, she will grown up find a husband someday and a father for this child who she will be with. That would be your best move at this point.
I don't think without marriage or a DNA test he has any rights. However, I do know, if she gets state assistance, they will eventually force her to name a father and go after him for child support, after a DNA test. At that point it would be UP TO HIM to get visitation and he'd have to take her to court, etc. etc.
Personally, I wouldn't push him away completely, but I wouldnt' make life easy on him either. Meaning, he doesn't get to be a dad just when it's convenient.
Also, just from experience, I'd make sure you keep a calendar and journal of any and every 'incident'. Every comment he makes (even though it's hearsay, still write it down). Every doctor's visit he goes to, or doesn't go to. If he shows up at the hospital, if he holds the baby. You name it. Lawyers need these and USE these in court and if he was smart he'd start one on your SD (which he probably won't).
Hope everything works out!
He has just as many rights
First off he can get DNA testing to prove he is the father and then he gets visitation and all that. But yet to he has to get a job and pay child support for this child. Does he know? Does he want to be a part? what does SD want?
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
He turns 18 in September and
He turns 18 in September and has known for the last two months that she is pregnant. She says that he has been avoiding her for about the last month. Now his parents want to get involved and meet with us to discuss what we expect out of them and him. She said she would like to set some ground rules. They seem to be decent people but they tend to overprotect him. His mother told my wife on the phone that he is tired of her and they would probably have broken up if it wasn't for this situation. They also said that they wanted to make sure that he did what he needed to do but in the same breath said that they were not going to hold him back during his senior year from doing the "things that seniors do". This furiates my step daughter because she is already at the point where she see's him running around doing whatever he wants and she is stuck in her situation. His mother is very matter of fact about the entire situation. He avoids her so she is calling his house trying to talk to him and his mother says "that is going to stop!". Well of course she is trying desperately to talk to him. I just want to have my stuff in order when we talk to them this weekend.
Well i would say
your daughter did not get in this situation by herself? IT took him to provide the "Stuff" so now its time for his parents to make him grow up and be a man. If you are going to play you have to pay. Not hold him back on being a senior, how about they should have boughten his some condoms or sat down and talked to him about getting his winky wet. Not that your daughter is innocent but now she is going to be the one taking care of this little precious being while he is out cruising for chicks with his buddies! I would say this weekend, depending on yrou feeling, if this kid does not want to grow up then why not sign off and let that child come to him when its older. I feel for your situation I do, I think you should definately explain to his parents that um he is a senior with some major responsibility coming on, parenting is no easy task as you know.
Adoption is an option, which to me is a sane way of being unselfish and saying I made a mistake but I am going to give you a better life. I am not sure on your thinking with this, but its an option, there are a lot of people out there in the world who want so desperately to have a child and can't.. Just a thought!!
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
Marital status has no bearing...
...on his rights as the father. He gets them, whether he's married to her or not. Not to seem indelicate or anything, but how far along is she and is abortion an option? He would not be able to prevent her from terminating the pregnancy, if that were her choice. But she wouldn't be allowed to cut him out of the child's life, once the child is born and he expresses an interest to actually participate as the father. Being that they are both minors, they cannot legally enter into a contract of any kind, which means they'll both need parental representation, no matter what they decide.
If she decides to keep the baby... Since neither of them is legal yet, I'd tell her to forget calling him and let you parents hash something out. If he wanted to have anything to do with her/the child, then he would be knocking down your door trying to talk to her. You might want to retain an atty, because you'll have to file custody paperwork and all that crap to determine physical custody, legal custody and visitation. With the "tender age" doctrine that most courts follow, it's possible that neither the father or his parents would get overnight visitation until the child is older than age three or four. She can go to your state's Division of Child Support Enforcement to get CS payments going as soon as she delivers... that can be done without hiring an atty or going to court. I'm not sure if DCSE would help with prenatal care, but he/they should reimburse her/you for half of all pregnancy-related medical expenses and medical/dental, etc. expenses for the child throughout the child's life.
I hope you've had her tested for STDs, considering his attitude and the fact that they obviously had unprotected sex. Something undiagnosed can be detrimental not just to her, but to the baby. Good luck to you guys... keep us posted!
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
Parents Responsibility
Sounds to me like the boy's parents are trying to close ranks on taking any responsibility. You should talk to a lawyer because I think in some states the parent's income can be considered for child support if the children are under a certain age.
My son
is 21 and 2 years ago had a baby with an 18 year old girl. Because they were not married he had ZERO rights to the baby and was not even allowed at the hospital for the birth. We had to hire an attorney and file for DNA testing upon the birth of the child. (Which we did) However, she was 4 1/2 mos. old before it went through the court and the order was served upon her and then another 5 weeks to get the results. We THEN had to take the DNA results to court and file for visitation. As soon as this happened, she filed and asked for child support. She started getting it within 2 weeks. Meanwhile, it took us another 6 mos. to actually have the visitation initiated and even then, it is called "Guarded minimal infant visitation" which basically means, he goes to her parents house every Saturday for 2 hours to see the baby. They will not allow me to see her because I was a mean Grandmother that stood behind my son when he conducted himself as a real man should and stepped up to the plate to be responsible for his child. We plan to take them back to court the first of the year to have the visitation plan changed in hopes that she can spend more time with us on our own turf.
We were told by the judge that because they were not married, he had ZERO rights and had to prove himself in the eyes of the court. However, this all being said, my son was commended by the judge for being one of few men that didn't hide under a rock when it came to taking care of his child.
You do have the upper hand but unfortunately, if he chooses to pursue this, it may not always be that way.
Best of luck to your growing family!
Buggies Mom
I Wouldn't Do Anything
I would have her immediately stop any contact with him or his family and raise the child on her own. She will open up a whole hornets nest. It won't be worth the money, the headache that will follow with fighting over money, visitation, his new girlfriend watching "her" child ect.
Let them off the hook, she will grown up find a husband someday and a father for this child who she will be with. That would be your best move at this point.
Rights
I don't think without marriage or a DNA test he has any rights. However, I do know, if she gets state assistance, they will eventually force her to name a father and go after him for child support, after a DNA test. At that point it would be UP TO HIM to get visitation and he'd have to take her to court, etc. etc.
Personally, I wouldn't push him away completely, but I wouldnt' make life easy on him either. Meaning, he doesn't get to be a dad just when it's convenient.
Also, just from experience, I'd make sure you keep a calendar and journal of any and every 'incident'. Every comment he makes (even though it's hearsay, still write it down). Every doctor's visit he goes to, or doesn't go to. If he shows up at the hospital, if he holds the baby. You name it. Lawyers need these and USE these in court and if he was smart he'd start one on your SD (which he probably won't).
Hope everything works out!