I firmly believe in being completely honest, using logic & the nicest words possible------WITHOUT LYING OR COMPROMISING YOUR PRINCIPLES.

It is logical that YOU (especially pregnant)not completely enjoy outings with a child that is not your own. You are KIND to try to do your best & enjoy, and it sounds like you have not emphasized how LUCKY he is to have someone at his side that will help him babysit his child. Anything less is bs.

GEEZ, DOES HE WANT YOUR BLOOD TOO?
When I was raising my kids, I EXPECTED NO ONE TO LOVE THEM, WANT TO BE WITH THEM, OR TAKE CARE OF THEM EXCEPT ME (& HUSBAND/GRANDPARENTS). I wouldn't EXPECT anyone to really want to be with kids that aren't theirs.

Kids are a lot of work. A lot of time & energy. Unless they are yours, it really takes more than I am willing to give to really "want" to do it. I don't babysit other people's children.

Honestly, I don't think this is as much of a stepparent issue as a familial "role" issue. For me, when STBX and I were a family, anytime we had SS, it was a non-stop party. Amusement parks, waterparks, the zoo, aquarium, fairs, etc. It was fun at times but exhausting for me, because I was the one who had to come home at the end of the weekend and do the laundry, clean the house, get everything ready for the week, etc. STBX got to have all the fun and I got to do the dirty work. He'd come home and sit on the couch, and I'd come home and start my "chores". In retrospect, this was partly my fault for allowing this type of nonsense, but in any event, STBX was always thrilled at the end of the weekend and couldn't understand why I was exhausted and looking forward to the SS-free weekend to come. I imagine that in non-blended families this goes on a lot as well. I remember being young and going on vacation to the shore in the summer...my dad would take my sister and I to the beach as soon as the bags were unpacked but my mom would stay behind and get the rental house ready, put the clothes away, sheets on the beds, etc. Then we'd get home 2 weeks later and she'd be doing laundry and all kinds of things to get settled back home. She used to say that she needed a vacation from the vacation and I never "got it" until now. I guess for some of us, the fact that all this FUN is for a child that we might not feel as bonded to as our own doesn't help the situation.

I can understand how DH would be offended but he'll get over it. Approach it gently...don't complain about his kid or that you are annoyed by him, but that you are TIRED and pregnant and that maybe some of the plans can be adjusted accordingly so that everyone is able to enjoy the weekends and that the amount of work/preparation is shared.

One of the reasons that STBX is stbx is because he never gave a crap what I wanted to do on weekends with SS. I never had a voice. It was whatever THEY decided to do (this was a 3-year-old) and I could come along with DD if I wanted. If not, it was "SEE YA LATER!" Then, on non-SS weekends, STBX would sleep till noon and not want to do a damned thing. That's not a family. I get that SPs want to spend time/have fun with their children, but I can tell you that growing up in a non-blended family, no one bent over backwards and suffered to provide me with the Disneyland weekend. Sure, we had a great childhood and my parents did take us to fun places, but we always found family things to do that everyone enjoyed and the ADULTS made the decision as to what they were. It's not a crime to--GASP--stay around the house for the weekend and play outside.

Good luck!!!
Krissy

I take 'mini breaks' ALLL THE TIME. At first, it was rough being an 'instant Mom', even though I wasn't 'Mom', I did all the normal things that are expected of a Mom, INSTANTLY, because that is what is expected of us, right? DH loves being with SS, and SS loves being with DH, so I took things slow at first, let them pal around as much as possible, and literally would go off and do my own things- even if it meant sitting in the bedroom for 15-30 minutes, by myself, to relax. I even went off and take baths, still do that from time to time. As time went on, things got easier and I got used to the change. Now, SS is much older and it's not bad at all. He entertains himself, and it pretty low key now. Now, I can make him go outside in the backyard when he gets hyper... "Take it outside, please."

But, we know have a new immediate addition to our home, my SD... and let me tell you... SHE IS A HANDFUL! LOL. I AM SOOO EXHAUSTED by the end of the weekend and she's only here for five hours each Sat and Sun.... starting the first of next month, we will start our one overnight visit with her... OH LORD, HELP ME! Starting July, we will have her two overnights... HELP!!!!! I'M NOT USED TO HAVING THIS MANY KIDS!!!! ROTFLMAO.

So, believe me, I totally understand! And I'm not pregnant, so I CAN IMAGINE just how exhausted you are! LOL... Oh, and wait until the baby comes.... yikes!

I suggest that you take moments for yourself at any time you need it. Seriously, if it means to get out of the house, than do so. There were moments that I just had to be by myself, so I didn't hesitate to tell my DH, honey, I love you, but I need a break- and that's all I said. I went shopping (window shopping) often for a few hours, or just to visit my friends or family or sit and read at a coffee house or park, etc. Sometimes I just took a nap and if it was just SS and me, I'd say... okay, it's quiet time... find a book, activity book, or something low key and simple... it's quiet time... often, I'd find him just as exhausted and clucked out on the couch or floor too! LOL. If DH was home with us, than I left it up to him to entertain SS.

Hang in there, it DOES get easier, but you have to just put your foot down sometimes and say, I love you, but I'm tired. Sometimes, I didn't go do all the fun things that DH planned with SS... I was just toooo tired.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

I like Step Mom's idea and as I was reading it ... I realized I do the same thing. I will often go to the grocery store by myself, send the boys on a bike ride by themselves (I'll join them too - it's still a break for me from "parenting"). I love to cook, so cooking for me is a break. I will tell them to go play outside while I go cook dinner.

In the beginning, once per month I woudl spend the weekend visiting my mom when we had SS ... Now I look forward to it because we do, do fun things with him as well. But I think time to yourself is just as important as bonding time for father and daughter.

As for how to tell DH ... I agree with the being honest ... but don't use the word "hate". Remember no matter how much he loves you, his daughter will come first. Just explain to him how hard it is for you, use the pregnancy as an excuse (even though it is for real), remind him that you are not a mother yet, this is a learning process for you, etc. The best thing I have found is communicating with DH about how you feel ...

~ Katrina

Now this may be controversial but basically (from my own experience, granted), having someone eles's annoying brats who don't say thanks, don't do as they are told and bleat on about their useless mother all the time is NOTHING like having your own flesh and blood.

And that's the truth! Maybe not for everyone . . .

Being around someone else's kids will NEVER be as good as being around your own flesh and blood.

i have noticed that anything you say that could relate to the step kids in a negative way in any imaginary way will be taken that way.