Am I being too strict?
My BF has custody of his 12 yr old daughter, which has been grounded/punished for various acts of breaking the house rules (i.e. signing her father's name on a failing test, usage of cell phone/ computer at inappropriate times, etc.) The consequences of her actions include being confined to the house, except to attend school & dance/gymnastic classes, loss of cell phone & computer privledges until the end of the marking period... which is about 3 weeks from now. (Her punishment actually started a week ago.) Last night my BF decides to check the computer history & discovered that she has been on the computer since she was told she couldn't be & has created yet ANOTHER MySpace acct (after the last 2-3 were discovered & cancelled due to inappropriate content or lack of permission to have one). Before we can confront her on this latest development, she asks if she can compete in a cheerleading competition for a team she does not presently belong to (requested by the coach supposedly). Of course the answer was "no" due to her punishment. Now fast forward to today, my BF finds a note to him from his daughter acknowleging ALL of her mistakes & apologizing over & over again for them. Also in the letter she asks (AGAIN) if she can be a part of the cheerleading competition as a way to decide if she wants to join the team. Now my BF is waivering on his decision to let her go or not. I still feel she should NOT be allowed to go since she is still punished (not to mention our new "findings"). He never sees her punishments through until the end & I feel by letting her have this "privledge" it would send the wrong message to her. Am I being too strict???? Though my BF hasn't said it in those words, I have a feeling he believes I am.
HELP... what shall I do??????
It is TIME
For Dad to Follow through. No wonder she continues to have such behavior. She never has to complete her punishment. It all may be worth it in her eyes- this is the time to prove to her that you guys aren't messin around and she HAS to behave and follow the rules. Crime and Punishment... she will remember this one, especially if she is unable to join a new team because of her actions... that is a punsihment that will last longer than a week or two. Time to show her that her actions at this point in her life can have perminant consequences. STEP UP!!
Make or break moment
I agree totally with Daddysgirl... this is dad's time to either put up or shut up. If he lets her off the hook now, she will have learned nothing, except how to manipulate her father. If he sticks to his guns - jeez, am I using enough metaphors for everyone?! - then she will learn that she'd better not screw up if she doesn't want to pay the price.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
I say... stand your ground... FIRM
Daddo has to learn the hard way, and I tell you... wavering is not a good sign. She KNOWS how to get to her Daddy and wrap him around her finger. Trust us Daddy's Girls! LOL
Stand firm, stand tall, stand united. You have to nip this in the bud before it gets worse, and the best way is for Daddo to be the one to 'stick it to her' in this case, so as not to appear that it's the wicked SM.
And by heavens, NO! I do NOT believe this is by far to harsh. It's getting to her, (since she wrote the damsel-in-distress note) so I think you need to follow through. Keep us posted.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
IT IS A MIRACLE!
THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR ADVICE & SUPPORT!!!
Well, the good news is that my BF decided that sticking to the punishment is in the best interest of his daughter (& learning the lessons of life). I was also happy that he had a talk with her about the final decision & his hopes that though the answer was not what she wanted, she was still sorry for her behavior & would learn that there are consequences for her actions. And an even bigger miracle.... she took in stride, without any complaints, attitude, etc. So I guess all is well.... for now!
Until the next "adventure"....
What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger!