More venting, things never change
I had a long talk with my bf and I said I'll forget everything I feel you did wrong to me, I'll stop mentioning things from the past. What I would like to do is start fresh right now and we need to put each others feeling first, then worry about all our other commitments. I also know that he talks about things I do to make him angry or our little disagreements with people at work and his family. I said that from now on please don't do that, we should be talking to each other to resolve the problem. He suffers from the "guilty dad syndrome" and thinks his daughter feels left out. This really is my bf and BM's fault as they created the situation but as part of my new resolution to start over I am trying harder with the SD. I told my bf that she should stay with me and my kids tomorrow (it's march break here). We were going to go to town and there's stuff going on at the library, maybe hang out at the mall for a little and just have a stress free day. He never said anything other than "she'd like that". I figured he'd say good for you or something. Anyway he's obviously pissed about something as he hasn't been talking to me. He says "nothings wrong" but he always says that and then two weeks from now he'll yell about something he's been silently fuming about. He hasn't called or emailed from work yet and there was no sex last night (sorry tmi) anyway, I just can't figure out what it is. I try and try and I don't seem to be getting anywhere. It's too much stress worring about him and what he's thinking and he never tells me. He can never put our relationship first, he's so wrapped up in how the BM and SD feel. I'm waiting for the first time something happens to prove this and I'll have to leave, I can't live like this anymore.
I did tell my bf about this
I did tell my bf about this site, in fact I gave him my username and password and maybe he will post on here sometime. For now I think he just likes to stay in the background and read what people are saying. I guess the biggest question is why is he mad he doesn't like to talk very much about things that are bothering him, he'll hold everything in until he explodes. I, on the other hand tell him when any little thing is bothering me. He just told me this afternoon that work is causing him stress. I wish he could have told me that earlier, I thought he was angry at something I did and I couldn't figure out what it was.
More Venting
I finally got fed up with feeling used. My husband didn't understand where I am coming from regarding finances. You see I have now officially separated my income from his income because I feel like I am doing way too much for kids that aren't mine. I Love the skids and don't want to punish them however I think I do way too much. I need to start my own retirement and in my opinion putting all my money into kids that aren't mine is a bad investment. I have been a step mom before and treated my SD who is now grown like my own. I bought her clothes, took her places...etc. Now she is grown and I don't even get a phone call from her. I am best friends with her mom though so it wasn't all for nothing. Now in a few years I want to retire but I can't. My money is being poured into things for my husband and Skids. My husband doesn't make much money and his ex refuses to do anything more than the court mandates which isn't much. Anything they don't pay for gets thrown on me and I resent it badly. So I decided to remedy the problem. I don't pay for ANYTHING for the children unless I want to and he has to pay me for putting them on my health insurance policy which is costing me a fortune monthly. I put the bills into a spreadsheet and divided out the household money and said for now on I am only paying for 1/2 of the household expenses (Mortgage, Utilites, etc). I think that is being generous since there are 4 of them and one of me. I will buy my own food and small needs.
I showed him the spreadsheet and he got really upset. I think he finally got what I am talking about. I have officially thrown all responsiblites back onto the parents. If they don't have it or won't do anything well then I can't help. I hate to sound selfish but enough was enough. I am amazed about the amount I am putting out every month that isn't even my responsiblity. Big eye opener
I completely understand~
The same thing happens to me all the time...I'm always paying for things, yes I make more money than my fiancee and better manage it (I work in accounting) but does that mean because he didn't pay attention to how much everything was for the month that I need to cover what he can't pay? I've even put everythin in a spread sheet for him and he still is short every month when he shouldn't be if he'd stop spending money on stuff that isn't necessary.
I already pay quite a bit more on the mortgage than he does and most of the utilities as well as all the grocceries (and yet I eat the least) so it annoys me when it's time to pay the daycare and he can't because he overspent or having to cover for other things such as when ss moved in with us I bought all the furniture for his room. I even paid for the lawyer 3 months ago and have only seen a small portion of that back.
It use to be when I paid for something he'd feel a bit bad about it and I'd get some of it back etc… now it's as if he could care less that he's constantly spending my money on things that he should and can be paying himself.
If he doesn't have the money this month for daycare or other bills he's going to find out the hard way that I'm not going to be shelling out the money. He got paid yesterday and I told him exactly how much he had to pay for bills and how much he could spend on whatever, let's see if he actually listens because if he doesn't we are going to have serious talk