You have a lot on your plate. BF's mom needs to be respectful of your place in her son's life. I would ask her how she would like it if the tables were turned. I mean come on, how uncomfortable for you and BF. As for his kids...GOOD LUCK! I don't even know where to start honestly.

My response my sound hateful, "his mom just says if it wasn't for these 2 people breaking up...my bf and his ex I wouldn't have him so I should be thankful" your words, well how about if it WASNT FOR YOU HER SON AND HER GRANDSONS WOULD BE HOMELESS!, Has she thought of that. I understand parents of minor children and parents of grown children NEVER seeing the wrong in their kids, and HIS mom will never see wrong in him, It took me a long time to realize that me complaining to my husband's mom about MY husband's actions, reactions, etc, was doing no good! You see a parent can't see their child as a mate, it's easier for her to give advice as she sees her son, HER CHILD, but I know, I know in my heart of hearts that if she and I were GIRLFRIENDS and not mother-in-law/daughter-in-law that advice she would give would be completely different. So I stopped, I had to realize that my mother in law is not my girlfriend, I have friends to vent, bitch, and moan to, she is not that person. How could she possibly give im-partial advice about her own child. My mother in law has constant communication with my husband's ex-wife. I sat down one day and wrote my thoughts in a letter so that she and I could communicate on this. I have removed the names, but this was a 14 page letter I wrote to get my thoughts in order but we HAD a telephone converstion, REAL QUICK BACKGROUND to this part of the letter, My mother in law for Thanksgiving invited her to bio-grandkids and THEIR Mother (her ex daughter in law) to her home for Thanksgiving, as much as this hurt me and my HUBBY, (ex lives in TEXAS mother in law lives in GEORGIA. WE live in TEXAS.) what really hurt was Hubby and I offered to pay for tickets for mother in law and father in law to come to TEXAS for Thanksgiving to spend the holidays with us, where they could meet M Y Family who they havent met at all, as well as their 2 STEP Grandaughters (my 2 bio kids) MIL (Mother in law) said back in August, she was just going to do the home thing because their finances weren't right, and they don't like to travel without money being in order. I can respect that. BUT when we hear that not only did MIL and FIL invite EX and 2 kids for a full week of visiting, the big whammy was THEY PAID FOR ALL AIRLINE TICKETS! My hubby and I were livid, and my family felt slapped in the face. We told my family that they couldn't make it right now due to finances, and on TURKEY DAY my family is expecting my step kids as well, so we now come back and say "They're in Georgia with their grandparents" my family looked so hurt. My hubby said he felt like crap and embarrased. So I STOPPED all communication with my MIL, because honestly I really wasn't sure what I would say to her. She inquired to my hubby why I don't talk to her anymore. So I wrote my thoughts so that I could stay focused. This is what I said: Names have been removed.

Lastly, the current events. Since all of this drama has kicked off I have really felt uncomfortable talking to you and chose to not speak to you, because somebody is lying and I am the one being lied on. When (my hubby's BF) passed and Hubby receives an email from BM telling him that he is wrong for not going to his funeral because it can’t be finances because his wife received $10,000.00 from her job, did anyone bother to ask Hubby why he didn’t go to BF's funeral? How does BM know I work for (name of my employer), and who told her that made up number of 10,000.00???? What I am establishing is BM knows way toooooooo much information and if I am not talking to her and Hubby is not talking to her, but she knows information (even if she has added to it) about us then someone is telling her this. The only way to know who the someone is, is to not tell them anything. Ironically, once I stopped communicating with you and Sister-in-law (hubby's sister), BM stopped knowing stuff. By process of elimination I reached my conclusion. If I do not wish for BM to know information about me as innocently as others may deem it to be, my house, my kids, our trips, our jobs, our friends, our woes, our joys. I have that right. If 2 people have nothing else to talk about but somebody else then that conversation is not that fulfilling because I can definitely talk to my mom and not talk about you or BM. I want my name, my actions my concerns kept out of BM's mouth. The only way to secure that is to remove myself from those who also wish to communicate with BM. If you don’t know what’s going on in my life, if you don’t know where I am legally on prosecuting BM,, then you can’t make a comment about it. You have a right to pick and choose anyone and everyone that you wish to communicate with, unfortunately for me one of those people is the very person who has made my life a living hell, who has broken the law to get credit in my name and has did all kinds of devious deeds against me. You decided to welcome your ex-daughter in law into your home, because it is your home, but all actions have reactions. Your choice of that action not only hurt me but it also hurt Hubby. Irregardless of how you feel about me, BM has lied on, argued with, been vindictive, been malicious and did everything she could to make your own son’s life horrible and the very person who has done these things to him and his wife is rewarded with an invitation to come and spend a Family Holiday (Thanksgiving) with her Ex-In-Laws and for everyone to bond and to have a good time. Just as that is your right it is my right to not like that and to know that with that action you have spoken all that I needed to hear. Did you ever think about how this may make me feel? Were my feelings ever considered? What about the appearance of this to BM, if she is doing illegal actions against your daughter-in-law and you welcome her into your home, are you not condoning her actions? You’re definitely not showing her that you don’t agree with her actions, and I am sure she didn’t kick your down and come into your home unsolicited, so with that being said you just told her “You’re doing no wrong.”
I will never be allowed to be you daughter-in-law because you choose to wish to have a relationship with your son’s ex-wife. Great for you 2, really great for you two. It’s just ironic to me that while she was married to your son she never brought SD and SS to visit you, she never spent Thanksgiving with you absent of Hubby, who was her husband, but now her civic duty as his ex-wife is to make sure that you all have quality bonding time together. That is not received well from me at all.

I know that was long, and I was able to say it all, and do you know after I said all of that her only response was "This is my house I can have anyone over here that I choose, I will NOT stop communicating with BM" and I said "well then I cannot communicate with you anymore" and that day December 1, was the last time I have said a word to my MIL. I don't have one regret. I hate my hubby cannot have his MOM, wife, kids, all just one big happy family, but hey everyone, she is right she can have anyone over to her house that she chooses, AND I choose to not be a part of that. That is my right as well. So I wish her and EX Daughter in law, many many happy memories. AND I really do.

If you are bothered by events where EX is there at a place you cannot control and the person who is hosting doesn't want to chg their guest list, THEN DONT GO. You can't chg other people but you can make them aware of how you feel.

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)