Why Are There Different Rules For Different Kids?
I have an issue that I could really use some input with. My husband totally treats my kids and his son differently. It seems that my kids are always in the wrong, while his son can do NO wrong.
Granted, blending our two families has been hard on all of us and I can honestly say that it has been especially hard on his son because he is an only child and very much used to having his way(in a big way). His son has had alot of rules and boundaries to deal with these past couple of years. It was hard, but he has adjusted well. He has learned a little about earning things instead of just being handed everything. He really enjoys being a part of a group and has learned that in order to do so that he has to act accordingly.
Now if we could get his Dad to act the same way.
When his son is not here, he treats my daughter well, but as soon as his son comes, things change.
This past weekend I had to work, so he told the kids(my daughter and his son) that he would take them shopping. Both kids had a little money to spend so they were excited about going.
My daughter had stayed at a friends house the night before and arrived home just as the hubby and SS were getting showered and dressed to go shopping. So my daughter did the same. The guys had eaten before getting ready, but my daughter had not. So by the time they got to the mall, she was hungry. She asked if she could get something to eat? He told her that if she wanted something that she would have to buy it herself and he would not buy it for her. Well only having a small amount of money, she choose not to eat. However, his son then said that he wanted something, and presto they are at Subway and Dad is buying, but only for his son.
They then came by my work, as I was about to leave at that point, and my daughter rode home with me telling me about this. I was soooo mad.
I can't believe that he would not get her something to eat. She had gone all day without eating.
He said that she should have eaten before they left. Instead of fixing her hair.
What can I do to make him see that this is not right? Am I missing something here? Why does he do this to my daughter?
I have told him that when his son is around he is so different. I don't know what to do. Can anyone help? Please!!!
What a jerk!
That's ridiculous! I'd be livid. If you can't get him to admit that it was wrong, then I wouldn't leave her in his care again. So it wasn't the TIME to take her to eat, it was the $$. He would have taken her to eat with her own $$. I'd never not feed my skids and I would never expect them to use their own $$ for it. That's not their responsibility. He obviously has issues about his money going toward your daughter especially if he can't pitch in $5 or less for lunch.
That was cruel! Wicked
That was cruel! Wicked step-father sydrome....
Seriously, in what other ways does he dish out BS like this..to undermine your daughters sense of self worth.....
Do not allow your husband to train your daughter to expect second class treatment or cruelty at the hands of ANY MAN!!!!!!!!!!!
I would also be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It must stop!! This is more than just favouring his own child...this boarders a case of intentional child neglect and is just cruel. How can you not feed a hungry child?!! Better still...feed your own in front of her!!!
To me...it's child abuse! No question!! It stops, period!
That was definately not right!!
I am a stepmom and he needs to put his self in her shoes and treat her like he would want to be treated. He is not teaching her a lesson but causing animosity in his relationship to her. He has to treat her the same way he treats his son and you do not with hold food for punishment over it taking too long for her to fix her hair..... If he was worried about that he could of asked her to hurry up and let her know the consequences, which seems more like it was the spending extra money....
Discipline is not easy as a stepparent
posted in wrong spot sorrry!
Greedy, too!
Your DH is mean and SS is greedy! Didn't he and his son both eat before leaving home and SS was eating for the SECOND time!
I would be livid - I have never, nor would I, deny any child food! This goes for perfect strangers off the street, let alone someone I supposedly am responsible for and have a relationship with!
I would always make sure BD has mad money - in case DH gets MAD and won't buy her food!
I agree with everyone
I agree that it is not right what your DH did at all. I think you should have not given HIM dinner that night! That was just plain selfish on his part. It's very obvious that he's taking out some resentment on your daughter for the fact that his son now has to face rules.
You know, if this were me, I'd plan a little family trip back to the mall making sure DH and SS are in tow. Pass the food section, and point blank ask... "anyone hungry?" Then ask DH to find a table to sit at. Take 'orders' if you want, but actually only order for you and your daughter and go back to the table. When your DH askes where is their's... "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I was only responsible for my own daughter's food. SS do you have enough for yourself? Daughter, did I get it right? That's what happen last time, right?"
He'll get the point more or less. I won't tolerate that in my house at all... no way.
Reply
I too love this site. It is wonderful to have a place to go to when you need to vent, and the responses I have received has been wonderful. "Thank You" everyone.
As for my situation.....We have talked about it, actually on several occassions now.
To answer some of your questions....My daughter was not in the food court when they ate, but in another store.
Things have been a bit tense, to say the least, in our house since the shopping trip.
Everything has not been resolved as of yet, but we are working on it. Wish us luck!!!
Again, "THANKS" to all who have responded. I really appreciate it GREATLY!!!!
Your Not Getting It
She asked him and he told her she would have to use her own money. What kind of person is that? Then they go ahead and eat without asking or inviting her, whether she was in a store or not is not revelant. He would be out of the house or I would have moved, your with a horrible person. PUT YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST!
Reply
This sounds so familiar!!! My husband does the exact same thing to my girls as well. Can't tell you what to do though...I haven't figured that out for myself yet. The last time he did that though, my girls and I went to a restaurant for dinner while him and his kids were waiting at home for me to cook theirs. I never did of course. Boy was he pissed when we got home. The whole I was worried sick thing?! Best of luck to you.
shame on him
I am appalled by such behavior coming from a grown man. How insensitive and cruel can one be to intentionally deny a child food? Food is one thing that knows no boundaries universally. We even give food to strangers. How much more to those who we are familiar with? It is only an inhuman person who can ignore a hungry person and more so a child. This makes me so mad. I know my BF treats my bio daughter indifferently from his own daughter and I had blogged about it, but I know he couldn't go to such an extent to deny her food. talk to your BF about it and hopefully he gets some sense into his head. I tried talking to my BF about it as some ladies here had advised me to do, but he is so ignorant. Chose not to listen to me so I have to watch out more for my daughter. Our kids come first. Your BF has shown you that your daughter doesn't matter when his son is around, so during those times, keep your daughter closer.
I agree
This guy is a creep, and he is making it clear he will not do zip for her children. I would not keep him around, and would put my daughter first. get her away from him.
TOTALLY AGREE
I hope you have a will in place. God forbid something happens to you. This guy will give nothing to your children. Discuss this with him asap. Don't hold it in. Explode, he needs to know exactly how you feel.
I would say get rid of him altogether
I keep seeing this time and time again. Why on earth would you stay with a man that doesn't treat your children well and this is really a good example. Myself I'd rather be in a house with just me and my kids, so I wonder are women that desperate? Why would you stay with someone like that, I would end up hating them anyways but it wouldn't have gotten that far. I think too many are dependent, and put their children in harms way because they haven't learned to be happy with their children and put them first. Forget the will, send him packing.
You know I am one who feels
their is punishment and BEING CRUEL, when it comes to food, food is never part of my punishment plan with my kids, my step kids or anyone elses child.
"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)
That is horrible
I can't believe that your husband would deny a child a meal. First of all, he should have asked her is she had eaten lunch before they left the house. Then, nobody would have had to pay for it.
My husband did something similar to this to my daughter when we were still dating and I was so pissed off at him that I left that day and didn't talk to him for a couple of days. What had happened was his kids were at his house and so were my daughter and myself. He was sitting at the small table (for two) with his daughter, talking to her while she was eating. When I asked him if he could move so that my daughter could sit and eat he said that she could wait until they were done. I was pissed because he wasn't even eating and could have moved. So, later that day I left and went back to my own place. When I finally did talk to him I told him that he had better NEVER do that again. Nothing like that has ever happened again.
What he did to your daughter is cruel and you need to make sure he knows it.
I can totally relate to you
I have not had this situation but similar ones in my time in a blended (shaken not stirred) family. It drives me crazy and I think about getting a divorce daily. That was mean spirited if in fact there is no more to the story then what you've been told by your daughter. It sounds very odd. Maybe try a family counselor before you jump to the decision to leave. We are trying one this weekend and I am praying for success on some level.
I'm shocked....
My DH wouldn't do that to my BD. I'm not even real crazy about my SD most of the time and I wouldn't deny her food....
THAT IS JUST TERRIBLE!
That is just CRUEL. Poor kid. It would never happen in my family.