Should I turn her in???
Ok, some of you might remember my saga about my boyfriend's ex a while ago. Things have been getting better as he gets closer and closer to coming home (he's on deployment with the navy), but these last few days make our earlier drama seem like child's play!!
1) We both got an email from his neighbor about a month ago (she keeps an eye on his place, cc's me for emergencies) saying that his ex had been going in and out of his house (when confronted she said she had found the spare key because she 'needed something' for his son.). This apparently has been going on for a while.
2) Yesterday when he logged into his cell phone service to reactivate it (he comes home next week) he was told it had already been reactivated three months ago and that he now owed $1600. She apparently took his cell phone from his house and has since been using it. To prevent it going to collections, my boyfriend has paid the bill, but has contested it through the service provider. But of course she'll never pay that back.
3) The neighbor emailed again, said that ex now appeared to be LIVING in his house. His mother called to find out what was going on, apparently she is in arrears with her child support to her first husband (they are currently in a custody suit where he is trying to win sole custody), and a warrant was issued for her arrest after failing to appear at a child support hearing. The cops came by her aunt's house, she gave them her current address and then called the ex. The ex packed the kids up and ran before they got there. She is now camped out in his house with all four of her children (one is his). She told his mother that she needed to stay there until her current husband comes back from deployment to help her fight her case (that could be over six months away!).
My boyfriend is so worried about his son. He wants her out of his house, quite frankly wishes he could arrest her for breaking and entering, maybe even squatting, not to mention just let the police know where she is so they can arrest her on her current warrant! But he's at least thankful that his son is in a familiar environment (he is the primary caregiver when in port), and isn't sure where his son could go if she were to be arrested (his family lives near me, we're about 500 miles away and could his mom even bring him back here?). And none of us really want his son to watch his mom get arrested. But he's afraid if he doesn't turn her in, that he too could be arrested for harboring a fugitive and get called up on discipline in the Navy!
You don't know how badly I want to call his mom, load up in a car, and go up to take his son, then drop a friendly call to Child Services to let them know where she is...but I know it's not really mine to get involved, and I'm not sure what the right action to take is!
Does anyone have any experience in something like this? What can he do without traumatizing these kids but still protecting his rights and avoiding prosecution himself?? HELP!
HE NEEDS TO NOTIFY HIS COMMAND
My husband is a retired Marine. I'd advise that he notify his command of the situation and try to get emergency leave to deal with this. I know the Marine Corps has a Family Service Center that can help with these things, so the Navy must have something similar that he/you can appeal to for help and advice. If he can get sole custody, even temporarily while this is going on, then he can name someone else, such as his mother or maybe even you, as his child's guardian while he is on deployments. Soldiers' and Sailors' Relief Act should prevent him from having to pay for ANY of the cell phone stuff, but he will definitely have to press charges, not just for B&E and squatting, but also for identity theft and associated charges. I would talk to base legal about that aspect of it and his command and/or the Family Service Center about the child issues. I think this would qualify him for emergency leave. Good luck and keep us posted.
~ Anne ~
I like Anne's Response...
Your BF should try and go through proper channels, and with his permission, I would try and make arrangments with family for the child first and then I would call the police on her. She is very much in the wrong and is acting in a criminal manner. If she wasn't the mother of his son, there would be no questions asked about it. You would have already been on the phone.
Ok, update
First, he didn't leave her a key to the house. She found his spare key under one of the rocks in the front yard.
Secondly, we did talk to the Navy. They told us they couldn't give us any legal advice, and were not going to be able to help in this situation. Said it wasn't the Navy's 'place' to get involved in a domestic dispute. But they would be willing to grant him emergency leave to deal with it. I thought my boyfriend was going to jump through the phone he was so mad. I think we were both hoping they might step in as an intermediary with the sheriff's office to help facilitate this whole thing. Instead their advice was to call her aunt and uncle (who live nearby) to find out what was going on and ask them to pick his son up from child services if she manages to get arrested.
So his mom has been calling the aunt and uncle to try and find out what's going on, and hopefully try to get them to go get his son so if she were to be arrested, he wouldn't be there. They, of course, won't answer the phone or return her phone calls.
His mom is a little afraid to drive up there and try to get his son, she's afraid that the ex will cause a scene, or even worse, get violent if she tries to get his son away from the situation. And if the police are involved, she's afraid that they'll try to take him into child services and not let her take him, following proper channels and all since his father isn't there. And it's not quite as easy as just calling the police --- would you want your son to see his mom hauled off to jail??? As for her staying in his house, our mindset right now is that at least he's in his room and in a familiar place. And we also know where she is...the more comfortable she gets, the easier it will be to keep an eye on her. The last thing any of us want to happen is her to skip town, his son in tow.
When we called the sheriff's department, they couldn't give us any information other than to let us know that there was a warrant out. They didn't seem particularly helpful, I don't think they're going to let us 'time' this happening so that his son isn't affected.
I just can't believe she's gotten herself into this. She sent my boyfriend an email saying that she couldn't pay her child support because she was paying the attorney's fees and 'didn't know' she had to do both, and to 'please understand' that she's not a bad mom and is just trying to protect their son. I seriously think she's delusional.
Right now we're talking about just waiting until he can get home in the next couple of weeks, then he can get his son out of the situation, take him over to the sitter's house, then call the cops on the way back to the house and wait for them to show up. We're not sure what to do about the other kids, but are hoping the police would call their father to meet them there since it's his suit that has prompted the warrant.
It's obvious he's going to have to seek sole custody of his son, and designate his mom as guardian when he's on deployments (just one more next year).
Thanks for the advice guys, and thanks for letting me vent. I never in a million years thought we would be in this situation. This whole thing has made me sick to my stomach worrying about what's going to happen.
She was snooping around the
She was snooping around the yard..looking under rocks...trying to find a way into his house. WOW!!! Even if the timing doesn't work out...it will only be a couple weeks for him to be home to deal with it and sort things out...once and for all. Try to look at it that way.... Focus on the positive....this craziness now..paves the way for calm & stability a short way down the road.