Not ALLOWED
Forums:
How do I deal with this mess. Bob and I have been together for almost 5 years. Living together for only a few months. I am NOT ALLOWED to attend any of his kids activities. (soccer, grad, recitals) If the ex is there I can't be. His ex will go crazy if I show up and the kids will be embarresed.My question is how long so I put up with this. Im not invited to various family activites because they can't invite both of us. I have nothing against this woman. I never even met him till 4 years after they split up. Bob is too scared to deal with her and to scared to upset his kids. Should he not bring me? She can't go crazy forever. What happens when one of them gets married and I can't go. Why is he being such a wus.
I would say that you are
I would say that you are going to have to let her make a scene at least once…has she done so in the past and you know how it will turn out or has she just threatened to “show out” as my mom would say….second marriages/non-traditional families are not the exception any more...they are the rule…sad but true…so when she is putting on a performance for whomever is at the event, she will ultimately be the one looking like a crazy, jealous ex…most everyone at the event will think that she has the problem…not you and if she fails to get the reaction she is looking for…she may just stop…it is almost like the technique that is used with children throwing a tantrum…just turn and walk away…take away the “shock and awe” factor and then what are they left with? But if you and your husband continue to give in to her demands…she will continue to behave like a child and throw a fit to get her way…I say now that you have moved in…it is THE perfect time to establish a new standard…he can let her know that our relationship has changed and therefore our practices will change…she will be attending functions and if that means we need to bring diapers and a pacifier for you….so be it…eventually she’ll get tired of sitting in her own poop and wanna be a big girl and use the potty like everyone else…if not, too bad for her, no one is gonna want to play with a shitty adult!
Make a GREAT Day!
Yep
I agree until they start throwing that shit your way....
Glad to hear
Ive never attended any event where she is. I agree with you tho. I think I should just show up and let the chips fall where they may. I feel for the kids if she goes nuts but thats not my fault. Why do you think that Bob won't stick up for me.
Is it possible
that Bob is exgerating, because maybe he feels uncomfortable. Its not like you'd even have to sit near her. What would he do if you just went with him insisting things have to change?
Or surprise him and show up. You'll know for sure then whats going on, or if she is that bad.
You have to be careful with
You have to be careful with that one though b/c if he has told you that he’d rather you not come to avoid confusion and you surprise him and show up any way, then the issue becomes between you and him (ignored his wishes) and not you and him against her…
Make a GREAT Day!
Read Happy’s thread
Read Happy’s thread “Have a question for any men on here…” I think what the guys basically said what that they just don’t want to deal with the Ex and will do or say anything so that they don’t have to…our minds see it as them giving the ex all the power but it seems like the men see it as them winning b/c they don’t have to deal with her…
Make a GREAT Day!
happys
Im new, how do I find Happys tread.
In the top left hand corner
In the top left hand corner of your screen there is a list…click on “Recent Posts” and it gives you all of the posts…if there is a red * next to it…it is a thread you haven’t read…it will tell you the name of the tread and the author as well as how many comments have been made and the number of new comments
Make a GREAT Day!
I'm sorry your in a mess~
Here are my thoughts. The word 'allowed' is killing me. Who said your not allowed? I can understand you want to keep peace but come on! Something has to change. Bob should either make you completly a part of his family or let you go. Five years is longer then I would have stuck around w/out being married. Do yo find that an issue as well? He should have a heart to heart alone w/ his kids and tell them how it is, the truth. He IS the Father! What is so wrong w/ you being a part of everything in HIS life? The kids *need* to see their Dad happy, with you, by his side.They are so lucky to have you love their Dad. Someone has to teach them a healthy way to love right? We only get one shot in this area.Sounds like the ex isn't teaching them if everyone is upset.Is that healthy? Sounds like someone needs a man of her own or to get a life. Bob can really gain a lot of respect if he would just step up and be truthful. Look at the BIG picture here! ...Sorry for rambling. Good Luck sweetie.
In My Humble Opinion.....
I am the ex wife and a man who is married with 2 daughters. We share custody of our son.
I can tell you that when my ex's wife does NOT show up at something involved with my son, I get offended. I feel as though she SHOULD be at everything involving "OUR" son. After all, she is part of my son's family.
She did not show up at my son's 8th grade graduation and I was insulted and hurting for my son. I felt that this was a "snub" towards my son.
I think that by showing up at any of your "step" children's events, you are showing that you have an active interest in everything they do!
Tell you husband/bf/fiancee that you want to go to show your "step" children that you are supportive of everything they are interested in! Tell your husband that you want them to know that you love them and want them to know that you will be there for them. (Just try and control your screaming cheers if he/she scores a goal...THAT would BE embarrassing, LOL!)
I say "f*ck the ex" if she throws a fit. After all, I have thrown a few fits and only ended up embarrassing myself!
Hugs,
Janice
I think you should attend
I think you should attend his children’s activities with him. By taking you, it shows that you are an important part of his life and he wants to include you in every aspect of his life.
He is not responsible for his ex-wife’s behavior, and if she chooses to make a scene and causes her children embarrassment than she only has herself to blame.
I don’t think any parent wants to see their children put in an embarrassing situation, but he needs to stand up for you and your relationship and send her the message that this is the way it is going to be so she needs to accept it.