SD12 came home the other day after spending the night at her grandparent's house, her grandpa takes her to the skating rink on Saturday night so she stays there since they are out late, and seem to be in a "mood". well DD2 and I have been cooped up in the house for a week due to her having her tonsils and adenoids removed and her feeling pretty crummy those first 5 days. It was actually sunny and decently warm on Sunday when she came home so while DH went for his first motorcycle ride of the year, I decided we were going to walk up the street to grab a few things from the dollar general. On the way home, I asked SD not to walk through our yard, as it was soggy and muddy and didn't want mud all over the carpet. Once we get inside I see that she is practically sobbing. So I ask her what's wrong, because there is no way walking on the sidewalk was that upsetting.
SD tells me that while at the skating rink the night before, two of her good friends said they would not be her friends anymore, I of course asked why they said that. She claims that an older boy (15 or16 according to her) has a crush on her and her friends (one male and one female) said they would not be her friend if she dated this boy. Mind you, she is only 12 and isn't even allowed to stay in the house by herself, let alone be permitted to "date" anyone. So I asked her if she had planned on going skating and hanging out with this older boy so it would seem like they were "dating". She says, no of course not, I'm not allowed to date and I wouldn't want to any way. So I asked why she was upset if she wasn't going to date him, then her friends were still her friends. I also pointed out that maybe her friends were trying to be good friends by making sure she didn't do something stupid, like get attached or involved with a 16yo who has no business messing around with a 12yo. Needless to say this conversation went on to other topics like being able to protect yourself from predators, physically and emotionally as well as the fact that her behavior has not shown us that she is ready to be trusted, because she is upset that other kids get dropped off at the rink by themselves and she is not. We had to pull her out of traditional public school and she attends online now because she and some other girls accused a boy of sexually assaulting them when that did not happen as it was all on video at the school. When I went to the school to see the video myself, she was brought into the office for taking a pair of scissors and scratching her wrists up, though she claims she does not know why she did it or where she got the idea from. She has had a lot of trouble over the last few years with picking decent friends and is a follower, not a leader. She wants to be popular and so does whatever they tell her if she thinks she will be "liked".
I'm hoping that as she matures, she might come to her senses about some things! I'm a little torn about telling her father about this 16 year old boy because I know he will overreact and make her shut down and not talk to us at all but I also don't have all the facts and she may think he is 15/16 but he night actually be only 13 or 14. I find it so hard to find the line between keeping certain things between us so that she feels she can trust me and telling her father so that he understands that it could potentially be a bad situation but just needs to keep a watchful eye.....