Skid and College Dilemma
SD18 got into her first choice college. Yay for her! Unfortunately, it's a private school that's really expensive.
DH and I have been trying to prepare her for the realities of paying for college since she was a freshman. DH and BM never saved for college for her. When I met DH he had no savings and almost no retirement. I told him from the start of our relationship that retirement saving had to be his top priority as he as his ex took out and squandered the little retirement savings that they had during the divorce. BM will be fine. She has a job with a nice pension. Even though she is unbelievably awful with money, she'll be fine at retirement. DH, on the other hand, has to save on his own or else rely on my savings and small pension from when I worked. Neither of them will be able to help SS pay for college tuition, room, and board and unfortunately she doesn't seem to be getting financial aid grants and little in terms of federal loans.
I don't think SD took us seriously enough about the financial issues because she has not yet gotten any outside scholarships and now she is hoping for scholarships directly from the universities. But, I also think that since she has her heart set on this one school, she is not working hard to make herself look good to the other universities so that she has options. I think that she is under the impression that she can just take out all the loans she needs and worry about it later. But, DH and I have already decided that it's a really bad idea to co-sign a private loan. She's a really reliable, trustworthy teen, but she's studying the arts, so imho there's a good possibility that she'll be unable to pay back a college loan. Plus, if DH co-signed for her, he would have to do the same for SS13 when he is ready for college. We've already decided at this point that SS would be too much of a liability.
BM has made no mention about helping pay for college and she seems to barely stay afloat herself. She owes us a bunch of money and is now on a payment plan with us. She makes good money so I'm at a loss as to where it goes. She's been this way since I've known her, so I doubt she'll be able to provide anything for SD.
I feel like the bad guy, but no one else seems to be talking to SD about what she can afford when it comes to schools. And, I'm worried that DH will give in and either stop retirement contributions or co-sign and be on the hook for a massive college loan. I'm worried about SD, but also about my relationship with DH. DH and I already had a emotional discussion about it this evening. It's stressing me out and we still don't know what all her financial aid packages look like, so I feel anxious about the whole thing without any resolution.
- New_to_this's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Remind DH that if he co-signs
Remind DH that if he co-signs loans, student loans are almost impossible to discharge under bankruptcy, and that the Feds will have no problem attaching his social security payments if the loan is not paid.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2016/12/20/the-distur...
https://www.thestreet.com/story/13326222/1/your-social-security-will-be-...
Your DH would be doing his
Your DH would be doing his daughter a disservice by co-signing private loans for her. The federal loan amount of $27,000 ($5500 freshman year, $6500 soph year and $7500 junior and senior years) is about the limit of what a student should borrow, IMO. Otherwise they are mortgaging their futures and saddling themselves with large monthly loan payments that will seriously impact their future lifestyles. Most 18 year olds don't understand how crippling large college debt can be - they simply don't have the experience to understand the implications of those huge monthly payments. It's the parent's job to just say no and protect these kids from themselves. Another issue is that as the co-signed loans pile up year after year, your DH may no longer qualify as the co-signer for additional loans (depending on his financial situation). Your SD certainly does not want to attend an expensive school, rack up big debt, and then not be able to graduate because she can't get loans for all 4 years.
Do you have a reasonably priced state flagship? Did SD apply there? Does she have a financial safety school at all? Is there a local college she can commute to?
Most outside scholarships are small and they tend to be only for a single year, so it's unlikely she'll be able to afford an expensive private college with outside scholarships, no matter how many she applies for. Does your SD have stats that would qualify for huge merit aid anywhere?
I hope the finances work out for your SD; it sounds like she has the magical thinking that many teenagers have and didn't take it seriously when she was given the financial realities.
Yep, I second this. My SD got
Yep, I second this. My SD got into several schools but decided she wanted to go away to the most expensive one, and stupid BM told her of course you can and we'll just figure it out. BM took out private loans and hocked jewelry and broke her husband's 401(k) , which I thought was incredibly stupid and something I wouldn't even do for my own kid. Four years later SD had no idea how much her education had cost because BM handled it all, and she was shocked and dismayed to find she was $60k in debt. Now she's making loan payments out the wazoo by working two and sometimes three jobs, and it's not like she couldn't have gotten her same degree at a local university that cost way, way less. I don't think it was worth it at all, but hey, not my business or concern, just a lesson to be remembered for my own kids. My DD14 is actually looking forward to going to our local community college because they have an excellent band program, and even she realizes that it doesn't matter where she starts school, and that DH and I don't have endless funds to send her anywhere she wants to go.
Keep an eye on DH... and to
Keep an eye on DH... and to SD, sorry kiddo you can't always get what you want, not my fault your parents raised you this way, but it's reality, if you do not have money for your fav school you are not going there, choose a cheaper school...
Original poster here. I
Original poster here. I advised SD to apply for a lot of schools because it would give her options. She applied to 7 schools when she was more undecided, but as she's been talking to students and visiting campuses she has pretty much determined that she "needs" to go to this school. It does fit her best, in my opinion. It's small, whereas, the other schools she applied to are public schools and larger.
But yeah, it's a horrible idea for DH to co-sign her loans or forego retirement for her and it will seriously be a detriment to our relationship.
Unfortunately, I also think she'll have trouble scrapping up loans that aren't private loans to go to a state school. We'd like her to stay on campus and she really wants that too, but it's starting to seem like that won't be an option for her unless someone will co-sign for her.
I blame DH and BM. Neither of them thought about college savings until it was too late. And, I feel like DH is trying to punish me too for his past decisions. He's said that since we aren't paying for SD, we also aren't paying for DS's colege (he's 2 now). But, I will have enough for retirement, so when I go back to work, I should be allowed to save for DS's college. It doesn't matter though. My parents are already setting aside money for DS's college fund.
You can set aside money for
You can set aside money for your DS if you wish. If your DH doesn't want to with his money, that's on him.
I am forever thankful that my dad said NO to helping me pay for private college. I was broken hearted at the time, but I am sooo glad I am not saddled with private student loan debt out the wazoo. I wasn't going into a field that would have been lucrative enough for that kind of debt, and I changed majors my first semester. I would have been screwed had I gone to private college.
This isn't your issue to fix. Your DH and BM are going to have to handle this with SD. It will be a hard lesson for all of them: SD for not truly looking into everything, and your DH and BM for not being better providers for their kids while giving them unrealistic expectations of what they could have.
Whatever happened to going to
Whatever happened to going to community college for two years then transferring? Don't kids do that anymore? Why piss away tons of money on general ed when you have retirement to think about?
I agree that private loans
I agree that private loans are a bad idea.
He does need to be prepared to cover his obligations per FAFSA. It would be ridiculously unfair to not contribute at least that much toward her education.