OTish I think I need to have a baby.
I've talked before about how quickly my family welcomed my partner and his kids. The kids seem to love my mom and the youngest is amazing with my nephew who is constantly asking my sister of he can "Go see (boys name." My nephews only 3 and possibly autistic so this is huge and my partners son was so aggressive to see how absolutely loving he was with my nephew was amazing.
Anyways my mom lives very close to me. As such she's very involved with me and the kids. If my partner needs to sleep and I want to take them somewhere she comes with. She's watched them a handful of times and they've slepted over at her place once. Recently in the car his oldest was talking about it and it was very clear she wanted to again and my mom's reaction was clear she is ok with it so maybe over the summer they can every other week or something.
Anyways through all of this I also worry about my mom being lonely / bored. She's fully retired on VA disability. She divorced my dad a few years back and I'm really her only contact here. I've tried to involve her in other things between volunteering / joining clubs / taking classes with no success. She's shown no interest in dating and other than going out to eat lunch if I'm not with her she doesn't do much.
Well it all dawned on me the other day. I was talking to SO about the kids, us possibly moving, the summer, and my mom. SO may be changing jobs which means different hours and summers gonna be a bit harder to make sure one of us is home so I talked to him first then called mom to see if she'd be willing to help out maybe 2 times a week for 3 or 4 hours. She jumped on it and I realized..... the kids.
That's her tie to anything else. She was a stay at home mom when we were growing up and everything was us. Now she has no clue what to do and really no drive to do it. I think that's why she jumped on board with SO's kids so quick.... so apparently I need to have a baby..... seems easier than getting more parenting time with SO's kids.
Of course I know there's alot more to it. I'm on BC and have no plans to change it any time soon.
I just kind of realized it the other day and it kind of made me laugh. SO was smiling about it too when I mentioned it to him. He gets really happy at the idea of another child and it's for sure a distant hope. Just got to keep working our way there but it's great to see that if we do there's so much support around me for it.
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It is always a huge bonus to
It is always a huge bonus to have a strong support system when you have kids! I love that your mom is able to help out and enjoys it
Just make sure that when you have kids you are taking on the roll of MOM because that is what you and your SO want. Not because of any kind of stigma or outside pressure to do so. I am sure that you knew that, but I figured I would put it out there anyway
Oh no. I wanted kids with my
Oh no. I wanted kids with my ex but figured out it was not going to happen. I left ready to live alone but happy to be an aunt.
I met my partner 3 years and a lot of therapy later and I'm happy. I won't say things a great because that's not realistic but at the end of the day I'm happy.
We both would like to add to our family but it doesn't happen Im ok. I have a strong supportive partner and currently two kids that I am loving to help raise when we have them. I'm also an aunt to two and my sister wants more of her own so there's that too.
We'll add one if it works out. If not I'm happy with the man I have beside me.
At first when I read your
At first when I read your title I thought it was going to go in the "it'll save the relationship" direction and then I saw it was you and decided you had more sense than that. LMAO
My older sister, who is childless, lives across the country, and is baby hungry tried to convince me I should have a kid... I laughed and told her to try being a crash-course full-time parent and dealing with a psychotic ex and then let me know how much she wanted to have another child. LOL Love the Skids, just could NOT handle another one right now!
I'm glad you have such a wonderful support system! That's HUGE for life in general, but I think especially for a stepparent and when there are children!
Yeah. I really want one BUT
Yeah. I really want one BUT it's just not a good thing to do right now. We have a timeline to try and get there. Things like have a bigger home are really important. We're already ontop of ourselves crammed into a 2 bedroom apartment.
I feel personal pressure because it's later than my initial life plan. Being married before I thought I'd have 2 by now. Kind of the final straw why we divorced. I wanted kids and knew our relationship would never be stable enough for it... but hey on a sort of way I do have my two lol.
I just realized though how much my mom is really there for me and the two I'm involved with now. She's looking online at homes near their school and talking about going to a water park together this summer. Not in a controlling way but amazingly supportive. She knows we want to be closer and she has down time so every now and then she'll message me, hey there's a 4 bedroom for x amount and it's 2 blocks from the school. Or dang rents really low in this city only 15 minutes away from there. Lol
I expected to be blowing
I expected to be blowing things up for a living by now. LMAO Sometimes things change the life plan. I'm glad you're looking out for your future and you though!!!
I am beyond glad your mom is being supportive!!! All mine does is offers me their basement... I'm trying to get away from DH's parents... Not gonna move directly to another set (plus across the country and step-family schematics are fun... lol...) But that sounds like your life is really going on the right track!!! I'm happy for you!!! Also when you do have a small potato human keep us updated
It's great she's supportive
It's great she's supportive of you! My mom pretty much had my boys while I was at work and was amazing w/her grandboys.
That said, don't have a baby because momma is bored -because as life has it it laughs in your face- you get pregnant, mom meets tall dark handsome stranger from across the country and is gone the next month and your'e *ucked LOL
I have to say, I really admire my mom, we lost my dad 1.5 years ago. I had to push her because she was getting unbearable w/the neediness/grieving-understood but she was putting pressure on all 3 of us adult kids and wanted constant attention and time, whether, babysitting, visiting, etc...but I knew she needed her OWN LIFE.
I did some research and made her go w/me to a seniors center (the board had great suggestions)-they had ALL kinds of things going on- she also met a lady there that she had met at her church previously so felt comfortable. Now they are best buds, they go to eat, activities, church, dinners, gym almost daily. She's also has a few guys interested in her and flirting w/her-she's enjoying that but no 'dating' yet. I think she's the type (a catch) that will likely re-marry. My mom is 74 but looks incredibly young for her age, she just has good genes and is very beautiful and fit and active. She's very mobile, independent, still drives (though I did take her to DMV to get her license-normally she would go w/dad, guess didn't want to do it alone)- her brain is still good (though showing some signs of memory loss/slowing down just a bit).
Here my SIL started guilt tripping how we needed to see her more (my mom lives 2 blocks away I've seen enough of her my life lol) and how she's so depressed and blah blah sadness. My brothers all worked up. I said you guys, quit whining and DO SOMETHING for her that doesn't involve you entertaining her ever grieving moment! She needs her own life, friends and support system to count on BESIDES US-we can't be her all, she needs a well rounded life of her own. Sometimes you have to push them. I did- I told her I loved her and there for her but we also have our own lives to live and she should have friends/activities for her age/stage of life. She was so nervous the 1st day I took her to the senior center....but look at her now...soaring! I'm so proud of her. I really suggest you 'push' your mom to finding her own life outside of you guys, it's really best for them (and you, trust me lol).
I am almost 72. I adore my
I am almost 72. I adore my DH, but if he weren't around I don't think I would have any trouble finding a new man. I do not look 50 or even 60 - but I am a well groomed and well turned out woman with good social skills. Several of my friends who were either divorced for decades or widowed have remarried and are so happy. Not that one has to have a spouse to be happy.
This is the best time of my life. I do not have to work. I do not have to worry about career advancement or what I am going to do with my life. I don't even have to worry about how I am going to support myself. I wake up each morning with basically no obligations - I just get to do what I want to do. I love it. I don't obsess about what I can no longer do.