None of the children, his or mine, came to our wedding. It was at the courthouse. We told 3/5 about it but told them they didn't have to come. They didn't.

We planned a destination wedding/honeymoon and did not have any guests...including no skids.

Personally my thought is that with these likely being 2nd weddings for most people.. haven't we all had our "white dress" moments? Also, the fact that the first wedding didn't take, so to speak, means that spending gobs of money on some party.. for what? to get gifts? is kind of silly and maybe a bit self centered and selfish?

I guess I am thinking if these people have already gone so far as to be living together and have kids that a formal wedding is a bit unnecessary. Go to the courthouse.. go on an adult vacation and get married there... it's likely your friends and family would be just as grateful to not have to attend.

My kids and his kids are involved in the wedding.

BM in my life invited herself to my wedding along with her mother and boyfriend. They had to be uninvited and that caused all kinds of fun :sick:

My SSs were DH's groomsmen. One had the time of his life, the other hated every minute of it (not because he didn't want us to get married, but because he's very anxious and felt like everyone was looking at him).

My BS was 8 at the time. He was the "ring bearer". Skids were not involved in the wedding.

They showed up dressed inappropriately, I did not talk to them at all. Thankfully they left early, after dinner and cake.

It's a sore subject for me because I would have preferred for people that do not support our marriage to not be at our wedding.

I have no kids, SD was not invited.

Although this is my first marriage, I am not into ceremonial bullshit so we got married in our living room with the minister, my sister, and DH's sister, and that is it.

We did the deed while vacationing: didn't invite anyone. In fact, we never 'announced' it. I changed my last name at work and my boss said, "Did you get married?!" "Yes." I changed my name on fakebook (when we still had accounts) and ignored all questions/comments. So did DH. BioHo sent DH a text message, freaking out. He chose to Ignore the Whore.

It chaps 'Ho's jiggly, well-used arse that DH will NOT answer a single question she has about me or our personal life. I love it!

We decided to get married this year during my 50th birthday celebration. The party is the next day after my birthday and will be held on a boat. We have about 75 of our friends and family coming, including the SS's. The only ones so far that know we are having a marriage ceremony is the captain who is marrying us and one of my friends who is photographer. She is always taking awesome pictures anyway so we asked her to quote us a package and why.

No wedding gifts, no pre-parties, no feelings to be hurt and the SS's and my mother will be told about two weeks prior.

He wants the boys there. SS19 will stand up for me and my mother for him

We had a small garden wedding with close friends and family. The kids were there (my 10yo son and his two teen kids). Surprisingly we all got along so well back then.

When Biomom heard we were getting married (through the stepkids), she asked to be invited. It seemed abnormal and inappropriate to me to have the ex wife at my wedding. She cried for two days when I said no. My mobile phone would ring: crying. She showed up at my home: crying. I was heartless for not wanting her at the wedding and for requesting no gifts. (I asked the guests to donate to an animal shelter instead of buying gifts.) Ex wife wanted gifts!!

Whatever your friends do, keep the ex wife away. The kids may be good or bad, but the ex wife will be worse. A wedding ring seems to let loose the crazy.

I have never been a wedding person. So going to the courthouse and honeymoon was what I wanted. No Skids. In retrospect, I think SS15 probably would have sabotaged the wedding.

I do know friends that did have a wedding and Skids came and all was wonderful.

We had a small ceremony at a destination that all close family could attend.
SD13 was a "flower girl" with my niece. She was very exited to do it, but after the ceremony, during the picture time, and eyes were not on her she was just a jerk. Luckily, I kept my cool but for looking at DH on the way to dinner and saying, "You deal with her NOW I cannot take it today!"

My sister and his sister whisked SD13 away at dinner after she threw a fit about where she was sitting. I don't know what they told her but she was fine after coming out of that bathroom, on best behavior.

SD11 was just fine. She didn't want to be in the wedding, had fun. She was glommed onto me a bit, I didn't talk with as many people as I would have liked, but so be it.

We want to get married next year. 2nd marriage for both. Mine was what I wanted so I don't need to do the whole church and big reception again. He says he didn't even want to marry his ex but she was pregnant so he did it - courthouse. His stb 16 yr old wants to be in the wedding and his stb 18 yr old wanted to when she was speaking to us. I don't want either of them in it. He said its not fair if my girls are in it (they're 27 & 29) but not his. I told him the bride gets to choose her side and the groom chooses his - period. Anyway, thankfully I talked him into just doing it at the courthouse (so no bridal party) and having a big party sometime later. At this point I don't even want his oldest daughter anywhere near our wedding but we'll deal with that when the time comes.

We were married at the registry office so it was very informal. The only people there (and allowed) was FIL, MIL and DH's two older adult kids.

Poopy pants was still living with BM2 at the time, thank dog. I do remember BM2 suggesting that we'd be sister wives...

:sick:

I find it heartless to only include one set of kids and trying to exclude the other. The wedding is about the adults joining lives, not legitimatizing a family. If stepkids are still involved in their parent's life, and their half or step-siblings are being included, they need to be included, too. This is barring abuse by that stepkid, their request to be excluded, and/or an overly-psychotic other parent who prevents them from attending.

The SSs were at our wedding, which took place in our living room in front of our Christmas tree. We told the boys we were getting married the visit before the wedding, and BM found out the week before or of, I don't remember. The boys didn't care about it, really. They smiled when we said "I do", hugged us both, ate a burrito, then begged to run off to their rooms to avoid guests. Wish granted!

I have a close friend whose SD was barred from going to their wedding at Disney World because it would extend past Dad's visitation time and she had dance practice that weekend. *rolls eyes*

When my mom and SF got married, all the kids attended and my mom's best friend gave her away. Us kids (my two siblings, two stepsiblings, and myself) were escorted out by 9pm. A neighbor took us back to our dad's house.

ss32 was at our small backyard wedding, ss26 was living back east so couldn't attend. He got drunk and was loud and obnoxious the entire time. DH wanted him to be the witness so he signed our marriage certificate, it's an angry scribble that he scrawled while gritting his teeth and holding the pencil w/his fist. If I could do it over I'd insist that we elope. ss32 brought so much bad energy and his nasty scribble is forever a part of our legal document.

No skid at our wedding. Just our then 2 month old and 20 month old children, witnesses, etc.

DH and I had a very private, small ceremony while skid was here on visitation, and at daycamp. In-laws caught wind of us tying the knot, and MIL ultimately told skid. So, BM caught wind of it and sent a scathing email to DH, stating how dare he get married and not include skid. It was hilarious.

I would want to include no one- just go to a beautiful destination, spend the money on the trip and get married alone on a beach.

No skids (or anyone else we knew!) at our wedding, either. We did a "weddingmoon" and got married in Jamaica on a gazebo overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. I bought a simple, elegant, floor-length wedding dress and DH rented a tux, and the resort took care of everything else--license, minister, attendants, photographer, videographer, flowers, cake--all FREE with 6 nights' stay. We had a very small reception with a DJ who played our request for our first dance. It was THE simplest and most stress-free thing you could ever imagine. 18 years later, I have NO regrets and would highly recommend it. In fact, we did take our 2 DSs back to renew our vows a few years ago. No SKs then, either, but they were in their late teens and too busy to bother with us.

BTW, my BFF did not heed my advice to do what we did, but instead, wanted the future SKs (then boy 8, girl 10) there. At the reception, her new DH spent almost the entire evening in the coat room at the country club where it was held, with his DD, who was crying inconsolably and calling back and forth with BM, who ultimately showed up to pick her up and caused a small scene. My BFF divorced him a couple years later. I don't know that it was BECAUSE of what happened at the wedding reception, but that was certainly an UGLY start to what was to be a beautiful union.

This is easy,

Friend A gets along with her skids and the BM is not crazy, she can have a big wedding and make the skids part of the wedding with the ours kids,

Friend B - has a crazy BM and bratty skids who still has he FDH's balls and she's like us... second fiddle to the first family, yes she has kids with FDH, but if she's clever.... she will elope with no kids, not even hers .. and if she's extremely wise - she will not marry this man till he has his balls back and agrees to only their kids being part of the wedding, his adult children from previous wedding can be guests ... but that's that... see his ADULT children, that means she must hold off on the wedding till these brats are adults

We initially planned to have a small wedding at the registry having my DD18 & his SS17 & SD26 as per SD26s request. I started feeling uncomfortable with the idea we only having the wedding to please SD26. I told him so and I wanted get married in my birth country where marriage registry is free of charge. I didn’t want to spend hundreds for just get married at registry coz SD26 wants to be “ always included in her dad’s relationship “ I found it’s strange with this idea and I felt uneasy.
However, we ended up marrying in my birth country where marriage registry are free. We only spend $125 on paperwork for my DH.
We invited SS & SD but they both declined. My DD flew with us to my birth country and came to the office with us . we lodged the paperwork and a person behind the counter checked everything and it was done in 20 min!
How easy was that!?

So agreed to get married in vegas if I would agree to Star wars theme. We went about a week ago and I said no because his son would be really upset if he missed our wedding. We are sticking with the original date next year and of course SS will be there probably involved in the wedding. My SS already refers to me with my SO's last name. He wants us all to have the same last name and be a happy family.

I got lucky I do not have to deal with a BM right now as she has not been around for years and SS is a great kid other than just typical 9 year old behavior. My SO looks at us as a team so when I have an issue with SS and I lay down punishment SO backs me up.

Some people say that since marriage "legitimatizes" the new family, the skids should be present.

I am going to argue the opposite, I don't believe that skids should necessarily be invited, and it may be healthier for all involved if they are excluded. My parents are both on their third marriage, and I have been invited to 3 out of 4 weddings to new partners. I was older at the time, 14 for stepmother 1, 24 for stepfather 2 and 28 for stepmother 3.

Normally, children do not attend the weddings of their actual parents. Why should a second wedding be different? Yes I was there, but they were awkward for me. I caused major drama at each wedding and probably more or less ruined them for my parents and their respective new partners. They all began their married life "damaged" by my behavior with the stepparent relationships already damaged before they had really begun.

When my dad married my first stepmother I spent the wedding complaining to her friends and family about her "alcoholism" and begging them to force her to seek help because my mother had told me that she was an alcoholic. (Because my stepmother had one glass of wine prior to answering the door and my mom who never drinks, smelled it.) And this was at a gigantic lavish affair held at bowling green in NYC where people had flown in from all over the country. My stepmother left crying.
When my father remarried my second stepmother, I told all the guests I spoke with that I was concerned that she was a mail order bride, as she was Latvian and they married to prevent her from being deported.
When my mother married my second stepfather, I talked to everyone about her strange sudden conversion to orthodox judiasm and how I worried she was being brainwashed and how I believed my new stepfather had some type of spotty past I was not completely up to date on.

Stepfather 1, was spared my attendance at their wedding, which was probably for the better as he'd broken up my parents marriage by impregnating my mother during an affair. Can you imagine how delightful I would have been had I been in attendance?

Look, I understand that I may have been the stepchild of nightmares, but there are other reasons too. Children are self centered by nature, they believe the world revolves around them. Attending the wedding makes the child believe on some level, that they have "allowed" the wedding to occur, given permission to the union. This belief can later lead the child believing they can end the marriage, as its occurrence was their choice to begin with. And when the child cannot end the marriage at will, they may then blame themselves for their own circumstances that are not to their liking.

The practice of inviting skids makes them believe that they have a choice. And children don't get choices. I believe they are more likely to disrespect the stepparent or the new marriage if they believe that they had a hand in it. I believe the stepparents authority is forever compromised due to this. In addition, should the wedding go less than wonderfully because the skid was being well, a kid, the entire marriage then begins on a compromised foundation, with couples beginning their married lives already harboring resentment. Why risk it?

Also, one other thing I do remember- I remember that when I attended the wedding to stepmother 1 at age 14, I was incredibly offended that I was not invited to attend their honeymoon afterwards. They told me that all of us were family, and I couldn't understand how they could claim we were family and then take a family vacation without me directly after. I was angry about this for years actually, I felt lied to, marginalized, and very slighted by it. Had I not been allowed to attend the wedding, this would have enforced stronger boundaries for me on what kids had a say and participation in and what they didn't, which I clearly needed.