Things I wish someone would have told me BEFORE I fell down the rabbit hole....

1. Having a blended family is 100% harder the second time around than it was the first. #thebradyssuck
2. You will became public enemy number from the day you say I do.
3. Inlaws may hate their ex daughter-in-law, but she gave them their grand kids. Never forget that.
4. His kids are not my kids. My kids are not his kids. Don't kid yourself, otherwise.
5. His baggage and your baggage are not a matching set. Be prepared to travel with them throughout your marriage. You can't throw it out and buy new.
6. Rules and chores ...who are you kidding. There is a standard for his kids, there is a standard for your kids, they look nice posted on the fridge though.
7. The kids are NEVER going to leave. Doesn't matter how old they are, they will always be his kids.
8. Loving him is the easy part. Living with his past and present is the balancing act.
9. When all else fails, blame the stepmom.
10. During the holidays, birthdays, graduations, being a tad bit tipsy will get you through.
11. Intimacy exists only when the doors are bolted shut, blinds are closed, you hide the car in the garage, turn off the cell phone and take shallow breaths - the kids hear everything.
12. Everything you own, just became theirs.
13. There are no redos. These kids are just as damaged as you are.
14. BioMom maybe the biggest waste of skin, but she is Mary Poppins and Mother of the Year when she appears.
15. Eight years, it will take this long or longer, before you finally feel like are making progress.

StepMat789's blog
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Oh so true!!! Every single

Oh so true!!! Every single one!!!

#15. I think 8 years is

#15. I think 8 years is about right, you really should have found a groove, good or bad, by then. After 12, I don't feel I have made progress, instead I have learned to disengage, and the skids have gotten older and I don't have to step into the Mommy role.

"...the skids have gotten

"...the skids have gotten older..."

I read this as "the skids are ROTTEN older..." and d@mn if THAT isn't true...

I am actually looking forward

I am actually looking forward to that...

I'm 8 years in and still feel

I'm 8 years in and still feel like I'm on square one most days...its hopeless with SD17.

That is because a SD17 is

That is because a SD17 is like the ocean. Never turn your back on it because it will either suck you in or throw you up on the shore.

With my stepdaughter I have used this analogy many times. At Playalinda/Canaveral Beach, the tide is very rough during the middle of the day. There is a great sandbar about three feet from shore from my favorite spot, there is also a huge drop off on the other side of the sandbar. If the tide comes and knocks you off of the sandbar, you get caught in the vortex of the ocean waves. You can be pulled under, thrown up on shore beaten against the broken shell floor or you can swim out - back over the bar and avoid the abuse of the ocean - and rejoin the sandbar. My stepdaughter is the ocean. You never know what you are going to get.

I swim to the other side of the sandbar. I learned my lesson over and over again.

I love this. It's honest and

I love this. It's honest and very true to life. If I would have known any of this beforehand I might have passed.

Definitely have some new insight about my in-laws after reading #3.

I love this. It's honest and

I love this. It's honest and very true to life. If I would have known any of this beforehand I might have passed.

Definitely have some new insight about my in-laws after reading #3.

I'm 7 years in. The SDs, with

I'm 7 years in. The SDs, with whom I USED to have a good relationship, ramped up The Ugly this Summer. Made a bunch of false accusations, tried gaslighting me... whatever. Unbeknownst to my DH, the SDs are now officially dead to me. I used to do a LOT of things for them - especially when BioHo flipped out on them, which was often. It doesn't matter what the future brings. Going forward, I will be POLITE because I have manners, but I will never again lift a finger to help them. Even if it's to tell DH they're calling his phone. They could kiss my puhtooty from now 'til the end of time and I won't care. Dead is dead.

I don't have an issue with

I don't have an issue with number #2.. but #3? Yes... the MIL will always want to balance the fact that she needs to get along with the EX in order to have access to the children.

My MIL is no exception.. she is better when it comes to my DH's EX since she agrees she is cray cray and saw in person how much she let the kids down.. but my BIL's EX is not treated as poorly... she will actually be welcomed into the home.. no problem, even though BIL and new wife live next door and know the EX is there. I think it's disrespectful and at this point, the kids are all adults.. so I don' tsee the point in sucking up like that.