oh dear... the golden rule about being a step parent - never tell the in laws what a brat the kid is, never ever do that.... you smile and say, ah he's just being a kid.....

SS being naughty with them there, it's your SO's responsibility to set him straight, next time don;t give him dinner, give him a small bowl of what he wants and send him to his room, sorry only kids with manners can sit at the dinner table and eat their food.

but again it's not your responsibility to teach him it's his dad's

Eh, hate to say it, but that's what grandparents do, even when their kids tell them to let them parent how they want.

I'm.nit saying it's right, but it is reality, especially when grands have a hand in helping raise a grandkid. My MIL and FIL can be that way with the boys, though they have significantly backed off since the boys don't visit at their houses anymore.

They're going to spoil him.rotten until they leave. Just make it through the next week or so of him being a PITA. After that, he'll keep acting like a little turd, but the grands won't be there to save him. He'll whimper and cry that it's not fair, but he'll adjust and eventually behave again.

Remember, this is a lot of change for everyone, so more than likely this behavior is temporary. Just trudge through it, be consistent with your SO, and walk away when SS just won't listen to you. Right now is the perfect time to practice selective disengagement and allow SO to handle most of the hard work. You're the "interloper" right now, so don't add stress to your life and relationships by trying to fix a temporary situation. Just smile, close your eyes, and drink some spiked coffee.

The things your SS is "doing" are really NOT that horrible. I think they seem more horrible because he's not yours. Reading this and being the mom of a 7 year old boy, I say most of this is just that age range boy stuff. (the getting the grapes and eating them in front of dog after convo at dinner is kind of weird :? )
But getting crazy with the dog? My BS loves to do this. If it is annoying DH or I in the house we just tell him to go outside and be crazy with the dog. What is the harm in the kid rolling around on the floor playing with the dog? :?

I'd honestly give him kudos for putting the food he didn't like on the placemat, rather than blurt out rudely that he didn't like whatever food it was. He was probably in his 8 year old way, trying not to hurt the hosts feelings. And my BS7 likes to show off too. Again, it's what boys this age do... all BS7 friends act the same exact way. They are not bad kids, they are just kids.

I guess my only other advice here is to survive in stepland, you need to have a fairly thick skin.

1. Kids are gonna be kids. They will do annoying stuff. They will do stuff they aren't supposed to and they know better. They will sass back.. they will press boundaries and all that is tough enough when you have a bio bond that makes you not kill them. It is exponentially more difficult to "just accept" it when you are a step and don't have that innate urge to keep them alive.

2. People are going to judge you. They will think you aren't good enough, they will think you are being too hard. They will second guess you. Sometimes? they may be right, but generally, no one has a better perspective than you and you have to follow your best judgement sometimes. Don't forget, even bio parents make royally dumb decisions with their kids and lack control. Sometimes they get judged too when their kid acts up in public or has a meltdown and they are equally unable to fix it at times.. part of being a parent.

3. You can't fix, control or manage everything. Accept that you can't and don't wrap your whole being into whether another person acts right or not.

4. Remember he has a father and that the father has had a LOT of support from other people raising that child. Naturally they will feel they have more right to interfere and your SO is likely to easily let them step in. Try to encourage (by being absent or not acting) your SO to do more for his kid. Stop making it your responsibility. How would that scene gone if you weren't in the picture?

No way!! Never tell the inlaws any negative comments about the grandkids or their child.

I have been with DH for 6 years. I have dealt with pure hell from his spawn and the BM. I have never once made any comment to my MIL Or SIL (or anyone on DH's side of the family) about BM or the SS's. And none of DH's side likes BM...But I refuse to bash her in front of them. If we are at the inlaws house and the SS's act up, not my monkey. I let DH handle it. Or not handle it. I have heard the comments they have made about DH not correcting the SS's. They give me looks like they get it but they know I would never say a word.

If you expect to keep the peace, you need to keep you mouth shut

In the past seven years, I have really left almost all, unless it was safety, discipline up to my husband. In my opinion, you can easily fall into the trap of "evil stepmother" if you are the one constantly correcting and disciplining, even if your SO does it as well. I think that one of the benefits to being a stepparent is letting your husband or SO be the bad guy to their own kids. It really seems to keep the peace in our household. Sometimes it is hard to bite my tongue, but most of the time I am yelling at our boys about something they are doing instead (I have plenty to correct in a one and four year old) . I will always give the my SDs guidance and feedback, but the discipline and constant corrections can get you into bad graces with in laws and also with BM's, and possibly resentful spouses. In my opinion I would rather be happy and have them happy when they are with us. Just my two cents, not saying it's right or wrong.

Yeah, it stinks, but even if the child is being a holy terror, even if the MIL was just about to offer the same "correction", and even if what you're saying would be said by 99.99% of parents worldwide, you can't say it in front of your MIL because she will think you are just trying to insult her precious baby grandchild.

I have to act like my SSs behavior is just totally not a pain in the butt or me putting everything on hold for whatever it is they might want is really fulfilling all my life dreams, otherwise, I'm just trying to exclude them or keep them from getting what is rightfully theirs.

Meanwhile, she can tell them they are being obnoxious jerks and she wants them to knock it off whenever she feels like it.