I'm to expensive
What the what? Has anyone ever heard a man say this? Last night when we were once again arguing over his, demons, I mean kids, and he said I am to expensive. He wasn't talking about money. He was talking about me costing him his kids and that is to high a price to pay. His kids are grown and most of their kids are grown. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and I wasn't consulted on his 65th birthday party. I just got an invite in the mail. I was planning on throwing him a big party and instead now we have to drive 3 hours north to a damn state park in November to have a bbq with his first dead wifes brother, his military buddy, his long time friends, his kids and his second dead wifes sisters. This is not my idea of a great time and I should have been consulted about this party before they sent out invites.
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It's his birthday, if this is
It's his birthday, if this is what he wants to do, and is happy about this invite, then I'd let it be. If you want to throw him a big party, then do it. I guess I don't see the big deal? :?
No one is going to want to go
No one is going to want to go to 2 parties for the same person. I shouldn't have to compete to celebrate a milestone birthday for him and to call me expensive. That really makes me angry. I am not costing him his kids because I want to do things a wife would do for him.
you're not, but he might feel
you're not, but he might feel like you are because he seems to be deflecting the blame on you. He could think that his kids are trying to do something nice for him, and that you're just being crabby about it.... you're the scapegoat, ya know?
It's better to ask for
It's better to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.
I'd be weirded out by all the
I'd be weirded out by all the dead wives...
LOL
LOL
If you knew the history you
If you knew the history you wouldn't be. His first wife was his high school sweetheart. They married after high school and had 3 children. At the end of her 3rd pregnancy her kidneys shut down and she went into renal failure. She survived on dialysis and a kidney transplant for 7 years before she passed. He took very good care of her. His second wife, he was married to her for 30 years and while she was on vacation with her sisters she had a massive heart attack and only survived long enough for him to get there to say goodbye. There is nothing sinister about his wives passing.
Dang, how many dead wives
Dang, how many dead wives does this guy have?!
I think given that a lot of
I think given that a lot of these people have been in his family and around him for decades, I wouldn't feel to slighted at them honestly. It's only 2.5 yrs of marriage compared to 30? 10? I would be glad I didn't have to do all the work/invites, etc...maybe you two can celebrate on a smaller scale?
This is all his family/friends, people he would want to be with I would think? I understand hurt feelings-but remember this day is about HIM not YOUR plans for him, kwim?
We're not married but we have
We're not married but we have been together 2 1/2 yrs. He spends most of his time at my house.
You should have been
You should have been consulted about this party. You are his wife. I don't blame you for feeling that way.
I'm not his wife. He doesn't
I'm not his wife. He doesn't want to get married again.
Yes from the cheap jerk that
Yes from the cheap jerk that I never saw again. I'm high maintenance and I am totally worth it.
Yes, you should have been consulted.
You don't 'have' to do a
You don't 'have' to do a thing. Perhaps you'd like to be at his side while he celebrates and shares his past with you in one fell swoop. Perhaps that sounds like torture to you.
You CAN do whatever you like for his birthday. But now he's got other plans for a specific day(s) so you will have to work around that.
Did you have something booked and now you have to pay cancellation fees? Or did you just have good intentions and now you feel one-upped?
I don't think it's in your best interests to compete with his past.
"Last night when we were once
"Last night when we were once again arguing over his, demons, I mean kids"
Sorry, too funny!!
I also would not be happy
I also would not be happy about my Skids planning something for my DH without my involvement. So I guess I'm expensive too.
Why would his kids think that his WIFE has no voice in this? That's so rude. Had the kids talked with HIM directly, and he didn't tell you?
We aren't married but he
We aren't married but he practically lives with me most of the time.
You are not married to him,
You are not married to him, then they do not need to consult you cause you are only the girlfriend.
If you are married then you are the third wife and should not be consulted any way, this is the way the cookie crumbles Hon....
you have 2 options, if it's easy to leave him, loving him aside then simply move on cause it seems like you are the lowest on his priority list,
the other option... start sending out invites to TG, Christmas and his birthday next year, 2 months in advance lol...
I think as a girlfriend of
I think as a girlfriend of 2.5 years, that a heads up that a party was being planned would have been the polite thing to do. They don't live together, so perhaps the family views it as a semi-casual relationship.
That being said...
There are lots of reasons that people choose not to get married that don't have anything to do with commitment level. I know an older couple who has been together for many years, but they have chosen not to get married so that she can collect her deceased husband's social security rather than her own. It's a financial decision. I don't think it says anything about their relationship or commitment level.
Why can't DH/SO organise his
Why can't DH/SO organise his own party? My DH did this when he was 60. I got very pissed. His kids were miserable because he invited all my family. That was the good old days.
You're a girlfriend of 2.5
You're a girlfriend of 2.5 years. His children had no obligation to consult you on a party they wanted to throw for their father. You can throw your own party for him. They aren't mutually exclusive events.
Ohhh did his majesty mean
Ohhh did his majesty mean that you're too "inconvenient"? I guess he would rather have a servant than a partner. Why does he want to date anyone if considering them a priority in his life is just too "expensive"?
"This is not my idea of a
"This is not my idea of a great time and I should have been consulted about this party before they sent out invites."
Meh, not really. You're not married and do not officially live together. Spending most of his time in your home does not equate living together. Not when he keeps and maintains a house/residence of his own. I highly doubt he shares his sexual life or his every waking moment of his existence with his adult children anyway. I wouldn't expect his children to know how often their father is spending time in your home unless they happen to live right next store.
This man has had a full personal and social life of sixty some years before you arrived in it. And for 2 and 1/2 in you still remain his lady friend (ok, so with benefits). The man is not ready to make your relationship and commitment official and I would believe him when he makes a comment that you are too high maintenance aka 'too expensive'.
The man nursed his 1st wife and managed to stay married for 30yrs to a second wife until her passing, so I'm not sure you can claim his children are demons who interfere with his relationships . While they may have overstepped , in your opinion, on this 65th birthday celebration your guy doesn't seem to believe they did. Perhaps they just beat you to the punch or perhaps they knew and gave their father exactly what he wanted. A celebration with the people who have been a part of his entire life and who have real meaning to him. Maybe a big ol' birthday bash party isn't his ideal celebration and a reunion with people who have been close to dear to him over large parts of his life really is more to the tune of what he requested. I suppose having two celebrations if he's game for it wouldn't be out of line. You could still plan whatever you would like to do for his birthday. I doubt the people being invited to the park are the same people you would be inviting to your big bash, right?
I'm not trying to downplay your relationship with this man, but he may not be as serious in it as you are. He is a big boy now, if he truly did not want to rive to a state park and celebrate in the manner his adult children have lined up, I'm sure he would inform these children of such. Just because his children and grandchildren are all grown does not mean he'd rather have to big ol' bash with people are causal acquaintances , he seems to be good with celebrating with the people who have closely shared for life. That's not necessarily going to be people he works with, goes to church with or are neighbors and people he has recently met through his relationship with you.
If you don't want to tag along to the park, don't. Plan and invite people to a second celebration more in tune with what you had been thinking of doing.
Those people you listed have
Those people you listed have known him for decades. If you were insisting that he chose a party hosted by YOU over all of them? Yeah, I'd call you expensive, too. This seems like a very silly thing to start a huge fight over. They have probably been planning this party before your first date.
You are 2 1/2 years in, and
You are 2 1/2 years in, and arguing about his adult kids. Trust me you could be 10 yrs in, married, and donated him your kidney and some steps still would not consult with you. Yes that was thoughtless that his kids didn't give you a heads up on the party. At least you got an invite!! LOL However pick your battles. IMO this isn't one of them. This post was obviously a vent for you, because I am sure you feel that his kids do not realize how important you are to their dad. You are the one with him daily (or mostly) and feel close to him. His kids don't see this, or maybe do not care to. Who knows.
Go to the party with him, and be his sunshine. Show them you are a caring partner.
Good luck!!
"He was talking about me
"He was talking about me costing him his kids and that is to high a price to pay."
What does this even mean? Are they making him choose you or him or is he just unable to have a relationship w/a girlfriend and his children simutanously? Sounds like you are being scapegoated for any issues he's having w/his children.
If she is pushing him to veto
If she is pushing him to veto his kid's plans for his birthday... plans that he may well have been aware were in the making... then he may feel that she is asking him to exclude his kids and that, to him, is too big of and ask.
She and her BF have been together 2.5 years. They are not engaged. They are not living together (though he is spending a good amount of time at her home). It is entirely likely that his kids have no idea that his relationship with her is all that serious. She is his GF.. they may not even be aware how long that they have been dating. It's possible that they don't even know it's been 2.5 years.
I think this is a bit of looking for an excuse to be offended and to try to drive a wedge between him and his family. I think that her DH probably can sense these undertones and knows that it just isn't about THIS party, but about the structure of his relationships with his children. He understands that his GF's view of that structure is different than the one that he wants for himself. He sees the dynamic as he is being asked to choose and if he is going to choose, it will be his kids over a relatively brief relationship.