Need advice SS8 constantly getting sore throat!

Ok. So SS8 literally has had swollen tonsils about 6 or 7 times in the last year. Every time goes to the doctor gets a strep test and comes back positive. This kids tonsils literally are like the size of golf balls when he get sick. SO has taken him to the doctor but so has the g-parents. The pediatrician has not said anything about removing them. I think is freaking crazy.

Anyway we switched docs because of the move and he has a well visit coming up in September. I was already taking a half day off work tomorrow to take him to new student orientation but now I am taking the whole day so I can take him to the doctor. No SO is not as he just started his new job and we both really like this new job and schedule so we both agree to get past his 90 days and he will take over. The g-parents can take him they are around but they have taken him before and I get the feeling they think it is no big deal and not really pushing or asking questions.

Some other background my SO has very large tonsils as well and had this issue as a kid, not as bad though. Now he is older and has really bad sleep apnea and I red somewhere large tonsils can be a cause for this. His snoring is really bad and he literally stops breathing at night, at least use to. I made him go to sleep doc and get the machine and it helps.

Anyway so with all this information when I take SS to the doc tomorrow what should I ask, what should I say? Should I push and suggest that SS8 get his tonsils removed. He just had this back at the end of July so literally a month ago we went down this same road.

I really appreciate any feedback and advice.

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If he's constantly sick and

If he's constantly sick and the tonsils are the source of the illness, then the tonsils need to go. I had bad bouts of tonsillitis starting when I was about 10 or 11. My mom had some idiot military doctor tell her they didn't take tonsils out in girls anymore because they were a natural defense against some other condition I've forgotten the name of. The doctor may have been right, but only if the tonsils were healthy and mine definitely were not. The end result is I still have my tonsils and they're still making me sick several times a year. It's major surgery for an adult to get them removed - long recovery time. In little kids it's nothing.

When I was young I also got

When I was young I also got fairly frequent strep throat infections. In fact, growing up in the 60's and 70's, I am really lucky that I did not have my tonsils removed since it was a much more common recommendation back then. We moved every year, so just when a doctor would get to the point where they would have recommended it.. bam... we moved.

There could be a few different reasons that the child seems to have so many bouts with it.

First, it is vitally important that he would be taking all of the medication prescribed. Antibiotics that are stopped before their full dosing may not be effective.

Second, he may just be predisposed to it somewhat.

Just because he has had some rounds with strep doesn't necessarily mean that removal is advisable. Tonsils are part of our immune system and they can work to prevent worse infections in our bodies. Surgery also always carries some risk. It is possible that he will grow out of his propensity for strep too. After my teens, I have had strep a few times, but maybe once every few years.. not every few months.

It is more than a few rounds

It is more than a few rounds that is just what has happened this year. Before that he was getting it frequently as well. he has naturally large tonsils. You can see them sticking out all the time even when he is not sick. I am wondering if because they are so big they are more likely to get infected.

I understand and I had

I understand and I had multiple bouts every year myself. Only a medical professional can give a recommendation based on his particular situation.

I do NOT think that you as the step mother should be suggesting any treatment for this kid. If his doctor is not advising removal then there may be valid reasons.

I agree I am not suggesting

I agree I am not suggesting anything just want to ask some questions when I go in for the visit and relay the info back to my SO.

Why isn't your SO taking his

Why isn't your SO taking his own son to the doctor. This is not something that he should be abdicating.

He literally just started a

He literally just started a new job like three weeks ago. He likes this one and we both like the schedule it is day shift Monday thru Friday with optional OT. It is good money we both agree it is best that he try not to call off before he gets past his 90 days. I was already taking a half day tomorrow and just changed it to a full day. I have the time and I do not mind.

Ash, your husband's would not

Ash, your husband's would not hold taking a sick child to the doctor against him. That is a part of being a parent. Sometimes kids get sick.

So you take the day off, work through lunch and leave early or find a pediatrician who has late and/or weekend hours.

Again I really do not mind

Again I really do not mind doing this. SO did not even ask me I just said I would. I know the alternative and I know that his work would not hold it against him. I really do not mind doing this. SO would absolutely take him if I said I would not. I have the vacation days and have no plans for them. I have to use them or lose them. SO and I are taking a trip just the two of us later this year. Again I do not mind. I really am ok taking the day off I was planning to take half of it anyway.

I don't think the point is

I don't think the point is that you don't mind taking SS, but that's a parent doesn't make an effort to take his kid to a doctor with ongoing and potentially serious issue. He might have to make a decision re surgery. Is he expecting you to make a decision? You take the kid to first day or open house at school and you take him to doctors (with an issue, not just routine). These are things that parents typically want/need to do.

I don't think you understand people's concerns. The issue isn't why YOU do things for SS, but why HE doesn't.

In one of my past posts

In one of my past posts people told me I had options available to me. Since my SS8's BM is not in the picture I can either step back and just not parent at all and let my SO do everything. Or the other option is that I choose to fill that mom role and do what a mom would do.

I made my choice in this situation I do not fully parent my SS8 but I do step in and I do things. If my SO and I had our very own child there would be no debate of me taking off from work and just letting my SO stay at his job.

Let me ask you a question when I needed my Wisdom teeth surgically removed and my stepdad took me because my mom had to work. Was she wrong for letting him take me to get a surgical procedure done where I was put under for about an hour or more. He had off that day anyway. I was older but I am guessing from what you are saying is that my mom should have been the one to take me as it was a big deal and she was wrong to let me stepdad do it even though he offered and really did not mind.

That's not what she is

That's not what she is saying.

My stepdad raised my sister and I. There are very few people outside of our family that know he isn't our bio dad. I only refer to him as my stepdad here.

He would step in and HELP my mom every now and then. It didn't happen often because my mom did everything to avoid it. For example, we didn't to do the dentist that most of our peers went to because his office hours didn't work with my mom's work schedule. Instead, we went to the one who was open on Saturdays.

My mom knew darn well that my dad wouldn't think twice about stepping in and helping.

There's a difference between having your spouse help out in a pinch every now and then and having him/her take on your responsibilities.

The dynamic is also different with your SO. He has never had to be the primary care giver for his son. That MAY have resulted in him not truly understanding what he should be doing. By stepping in and doing it all FOR him, instead of WITH him, he will never be ready/able to be the primary parent to his kid.

Ok I get what you are saying.

Ok I get what you are saying. I am stepping in a pinch, that is how I see it right now. SO literally has been at this new job like 3 weeks. Yes places understand having kids I know that but some still do not as he works predominately male work place. This whole post was about advice one me taking SS to the doctor not about my SO not taking him. Yet again a few on here are still pointing out how he is not parenting.

If you do not think he was the primary caregiver based on my posts who do you believe to have been the primary? I would like to know.

Based on your post, I believe

Based on your post, I believe the grandmother and aunt were the primary care givers.

I also believe you want everything to work out for the 3 of you. But IF you do all of the parenting, eventually you will become resentful. I also believe everyone who post on your blogs have an idea how this will all play out. They are trying to help you avoid the mistakes they made early on in their relationships.

I think there is a bit of a

I think there is a bit of a difference between being someone's transportation to a procedure that is relatively minor and going to an appointment where follow up care decisions may need to be made.

I think there are also shades of difference when you are talking about an 8 yo and a teen or young adult as well.

I get that I am just making a

I get that I am just making a point. That is all. Sometimes steps do step in when they are needed. SO is really new at his job and I really like the hours he is working and he seems so much happier at this place and it is decent money. I weigh all the factors we just bought a house, he has a truck payment, I have student loan payments, we have bills and expenses.

I know it is wrong for company to decide to not keep someone based on leaving for a sick kid but who knows he is still so new. SS8 is a kid that gets sick often unfortunately. I have the vacation time to burn and yeah I am sure the pediatrician can get him in a little later but again I really do not mind. SO does plenty of stuff for SS and has taken him to the doctors many many times before now.

This was our decision mostly mine saying I will do because I want SO to keep this job and have a good first 90 days.

I guess the problem is that

I guess the problem is that it sounds like it might be time for your DH to start having a real conversation directly with the child's doctor about his recurrence of strep. Maybe surgery is an option, but he needs to go and hear the information, not just get it 2nd hand from you.

The old Doc kept telling him

The old Doc kept telling him and his parents it is normal kid stuff and he will grow out of it. It is more frequent this time. It always starts the same way. SS complain of a sore throat no spots nothing just an enlarged tonsil. So I am wondering now that I post here if there is an underlying issue causing his tonsil to swell and than leading to strep. I am not a doc so I have no idea. I am going to go home tonight take the suggestions here and see what other questions my SO has write them all down and take them with me.

This is not my SO being lazy it is us deciding what is the best thing to do in this situation as we are a couple. I would much rather us make a decision instead of him telling me how it is.

Well, it is his son... so if

Well, it is his son... so if he wants to or doesn't want his kid having surgery.. that is his choice alone (along with the doctor of course).

That is why he needs to go IN PERSON to see this doctor and not have questions and answers filtered through you. This isn't just a routine visit if you plan on broaching the need for surgery.

No it's not what I am saying.

No it's not what I am saying. Disney and others explained it better than me. But the bottom line is you are in charge of most if not all parental responsibilities since you stepped in. And that's concerning.

In situation of your stepdad, if he (or other relatives) were the only ones taking care of parental responsibilities instead of your mom, then logical conclusion would be that mom needs to step in as primary care giver and do more.

More you offer to do for SS (major parental things) instead of dad (or together with dad) less likely SO to step up as a parent.

don't push, don't ask

don't push, don't ask questions, you love the kid but he's not your child. just take him for some antibiotics to treat his current bout. then after your dh's 90d are up, HE needs to be the one to take charge.

ps - i also had strep *several* times a year as a child. after i graduated, i have VERY rarely gotten it - i'm 38 y.o. and in the last 20 years have had it maaaaaaybe four or five times. and yes, i still have my tonsils, and yes they are rather large. i'm prone to sinus issues that irritates them from time to time but that's about it. your dh may try adding mint-flavored listerine to his morning and evening routine.

Thank you. For the advice. I

Thank you. For the advice. I like the listerine idea. That stuff does work really good to kill bacteria.

he would have to be taught

he would have to be taught how to really gargle it well and get it all the way back in there.

just get him through it this time around.

I had a few sore throats as a

I had a few sore throats as a child and my tonsils were taken out. As an adult I've had strep twice and several sore throats sans tonsils. Removing tonsils may seem to alleviate a problem temporarily but will cause different issues down the road. Tonsils are designed to catch germs from further entering the body so ss's are doing their job.

The surgery is risky because it requires being put under anesthesia. Learn all the facts and alternatives before making a decision. I wish I still had my tonsils.

Thank You. I do not think SO

Thank You. I do not think SO wants to do the surgery route. I really do not either. I know they are doing their job I am wondering at the same time if he will have the same issues as my SO when he gets older. SO does not get sick but he really did stop breathing in his sleep. The machine seems to help but he is considered very high risk.

I do not know I feel for this kid. He is always getting sick, he has allergies and according to the allergist is allergic to everything including my cats. He has to take allergy medication everyday this time of year anyway. His test results also came back allergic to dogs. Well SO has a dog. The cats were the highest. He also gets nose bleeds at least once a month.

The nose bleed thing was before we moved in and has been happening since he was 4. I really hope he grows out of all this stuff.

So, what steps are being

So, what steps are being taken to deal with the allergies. Certainly constant exposure to allergic irritants is going to make him more susceptible to infections. Perhaps finding a new home for the animals would be a good first step or make them stay exclusively outdoors?

My cats are not outdoor cats

My cats are not outdoor cats and never have been. I will not allow them to be either we live out in the country and would be really upset if anything happened to them.

We have taken steps, he went to an allergist and we are doing what they told us to do. His bedroom is completely off limits to all the animals and his door is kept shut at all times. We have hardwood flooring and I am constantly cleaning to reduce the dander and pet hair. I also give my cats baths at least once a month and brush them once a week.

My SO and I both discussed everything before moving in about the animals. SS does not really have issues with the dog and he loves all the animals and does not want anyone to get rid of them. They animals are not going anywhere. If SS had issues breathing or was truly suffering I would rethink this. All the the things he is suffering from has been happening since he was like 4. That was before the dog and cats.

If the kid is suffering like

If the kid is suffering like this since he was little, then why SO has a dog? I understand you having cats as you clearly had them before meeting SO. But I don't understand SOs logic in having a dog. Did he not know that SS is suffering? For years?

SS does not suffer from the

SS does not suffer from the dog. He has been round them and other's peoples dogs his whole life and never had an issue. It is just what the allergy scratch test showed.

The dog has been around for two years now. SS was having all these issues before getting the dog. I was just saying what the allergy test said.

Ever thought he might have a

Ever thought he might have a sinus problem and the dripping down his throat gets his tinsels infected?

Try it out, get something to clear up his nose and sinus.... my kid had this problem due to allergies, once the nose got sorted the rest went away as well

Thank you so much. He has

Thank you so much. He has allergies he takes meds for it but maybe it might be more. Thank You

only for night times when he

only for night times when he sleeps... that's when my son's nasal drips caused infection ... cause it's more then when standing up...

sounds gross I know... but it's worth looking into

Thank you so much again. I am

Thank you so much again. I am wondering if something is up with his sinuses. He complains about getting headaches all the time. Poor kid gets nose bleeds. Nothing really bad they usually stop within a couple minutes and very little blood. Last night was kind of bloody but stopped pretty quick.

crap - my bio son is re

crap - my bio son is re incarnated and ASh you are his new SM.... let me warn you he's pure evil lol...

the bleeding, seeing the sinus channels (under the eyes and above the eyebrows) are slightly infected, the snot does not come out, thus the inside of his nose is very very dry and small vanes burst, due to irritation. It's nothing serious. (you can even let him rub some vasiline in his nose)

I use to have Camifort nasal spray handy when Deigma was way smaller... it's simply a salt water solution with camomile oil, flushes the sinuses and keeps the noise on the inside moist. Don't know if you will get that name, but something similar could work. I only used it for 2 weeks then skipped 3 weeks... not every day, I belief the nose has to learn to drain sinus and deal with allergies lol... Evenings i gave Deigma a strong allergy pill, Histamine... so what if it made him sleepy it was bed time any how.... he outgrew this shit when puberty kicked in... only seasonal allergies then and well when he was 15 the doctor decided half a doze of histamine injections (not for children under 18 only in extreme cases)

I will talk to the doc

I will talk to the doc tomorrow about getting him to and ENT possibly. Unfortunately that may have to wait until SO has health insurance again. I know we can apply for some assistance but sometimes it is not worth it. We will figure that out.

I know he went to an allergist and they said to try over the counter meds daily and some prescribed eye drops for when it is really bad. Well have not ever had to use the eye drops since we all moved in. They suggested shots if the pills did not work.

Oh man Puberty we are still many years from that.

please be warned... the shots

please be warned... the shots are not recommended for young boys who still has to go through puberty....

When my kid was that age, I did not have medical, I had to pay everything my self, thus I used the cheapest stuff I could get and it worked, I talked to the pharmacist.....

Thanks again I really

Thanks again I really appreciate this. It gives me stuff to ask the doc tomorrow and discuss things with them.

^^ This ^^ SIL has just come

This

SIL has just come off a full year of steroids due to a sinus infection that apparently never fully went away and wound up forming crystalline structures in her sinuses. :? I only have her explanation to go on, but what happened is she'd get sick, take the full doses of whatever she was given, feel better and assume it was gone, only to get sick again a week later. Rinse and repeat. Finally her ENT referred her to a specialist who discovered the issue. By then of course whatever she had was resistant to the drugs and it took a long time and much stronger medications to clear it all up. Granted SIL has other health issues too, but the sinus infection caused her a lot of issues.

giggles peri, i couldn't

*giggles* peri, i couldn't help but think of this -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0u_B91PkUA

HAHA! I LOVE TNG! That's

HAHA! I LOVE TNG! That's exactly what I was thinking when SIL was telling me about it!

He fits the centaur criteria

He fits the centaur criteria (which is the criteria to have tonsils removed) so he should prob have them removed
However as he seems to have other ear nose and throat stuff going on as well he would probably benefit from seeing a specialist surgeon in that area as he may need adenoid removal as well or for them to check his nose for sinus related issues
Your partner should take the child next time and discuss the options for his child with the doctor

You plan to take the child to

You plan to take the child to a brand new doctor. You are not the legal parent. Has SO checked to see if the doctor will even see the child with only you present or signed paperwork to allow this?

That you live with the child may not matter since you have no legal rights unless SO has assigned them in writing.

Yes. In absence of emergency

Yes. In absence of emergency doctor might not even treat a child or discuss health concern with people who are not related to a child or have legal rights. Living together could mean many things (roommates etc)

Yes. In absence of emergency

I just asked my DH, he said

I just asked my DH, he said it would be HIPPA violation for this doctor to discuss child's health with child's dad's girlfriend in dad's absence. There needs to be some legal paperwork done if dad wants doctor to discuss anything with you. DH said that they are often faced with this issue of people asking about health of so and so (relatives etc). It's a big no no. One can lose their license.

A medical power of attorney

A medical power of attorney could be drawn up that would lay out what she would be allowed to do. I'm guessing that hasn't been done though.

While a medical facility would treat the child in an emergency situation, they would not divulge the child's medical issues to anyone other than the legal guardian.

Yes. That's what my DH said,

Yes. That's what my DH said, they'll treat in emergency/save a patient's life of regardless who is there but will not discuss treatment etc I can't imagine how it's even going to go with a doctor "hello new doctor I am this child's dad's girlfriend". Doctor will likely ask "and where is his dad".

I guess if dad has time to get a power of attorney for the girlfriend, he should have time to take his child to a doctor himself.

OMG they have these new

OMG they have these new things at the Docotor's where the guardian can fill out an authorized form for the kid. Wow that was so hard and guess what I was allowed to take care of it all. I already knew all his medical history too.

Literally about 6 or 7 times.

Literally about 6 or 7 times. Literally the size of golf balls. Literally just started a new job. Literally.

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Need advice SS8 constantly getting sore throat!

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