SOS need advice quick

Brief bio-

SO has 3 kids: SS12, SD7 and our BD3.

SS12 & BD3 live with us. All 3 kids have different mothers.

Starting to sound like a logic puzzle? It's starting to feel like one.

Anyway BM2 (SD7's mother) has been very resistant to her little princess coming out to our house to spend time with us (for unknown reasons, SO has basically had supervised visitation for the past 4 almost 5 years for no other reason than SD7 not being used to "sharing her daddy"). I know I'm rolling my eyes too.

He calls me-just 5 minutes ago to let me know that he is going to pick up SD7, BD3 and take them to the playground, leaving SS12 at home with me. SS12 who has been asking to see his sister just as much as BD3 and SD7 have been asking to see each other.

I don't think it's fair to just leave SS12 behind for SD7's comfort. SS12's mother just blew him off again after swearing on all that is holy that she was coming to get him this weekend.

SO Hung up on my when I told him "it's both of them or neither of them" (because this WILL upset SS12) to which he responded "well excuse me for not wanting to overwhelm SD7".

He told me he didn't call for ultimatums and I told him that I understand he's in a difficult position, but I have to look out for the two kids I care for and I'm not about to hurt one to help the other. SD7 has a brother and a sister-it's not going to hurt her to spend some time at a play ground with both of them and their dad.

The whole situation is BS. But this kid has been left behind, abandoned and treated like a second class citizen his whole life. I'm not about to watch him watch BD be chosen over him for the benefit of a child that wouldn't have these problems if her mother and grandparents didn't coddle the crap out of her.

My question to you-Stand my ground with this or let it go? Am I right or wrong. Tell me your thoughts and quick because this train is coming. Thanks in advance.

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Perhaps your DH thinks that

Perhaps your DH thinks that what will be fun for the 3 and 7 yo girls won't be fun for the 12 yo boy.

Maybe you and SS12 can do something equally fun while they are at the playground?

Ideally all the kids could go together, but I can't imagine a 12 yo really wanting to tag along with younger kids anyway. It might be different if they were going to do something a little more his age.

He's got Asperger's-he's on

He's got Asperger's-he's on the spectrum. He's not highly behavioral, he's kind and quiet. He is also very young considering his chronological age. He will be VERY hurt if he's left behind especially with his current mom situation.

So, why isn't your DH more

So, why isn't your DH more sensitive to this fact? I mean, it's his own kid and he doesn't mind hurting his feelings? That sucks to be honest with you.

It does-but his princess

It does-but his princess finally showed interest in coming out to his house so we must move heaven, earth, and brother out of the way for that to happen and I'm not f'in having it. It's really shitty in my book. I get it's hard, he wants to please everyone, but SD7 is spoiled and catered to, SS12-he was treated like an annoyance when he lived at BM's and I'm not about to let that second class citizen mentality continue now that he's with us.

Yes I do. I know him very

Yes I do. I know him very well, and with the crap his mother pulls it will be just another notch in the "I never come first ever" column. This is an issue he has talked about in therapy and concerns have been voiced by his therapist because when he lived with his mother, his other younger brother was her golden child and his sister was mommy's princess. I do the best I can to make sure that he knows I love him, and I do put him first when he needs to be put first. I think the "first" position is relative to someone's needs at the time, sometimes BD is first, sometimes he's first, sometimes SO is first (I'm never first-but that's beside the point)/ Ya see where I'm going?

I don't know. At the end of

I don't know. At the end of the day, they're his kids and he's going to do what he's going to do, but if he chooses not to take SS, he's telling him NOT ME so he can feel that sting and maybe remember it going forward. Then I'm taking SS to buy him an ice cream cone the size of his head and anything his heart desires-because that's going to tweak me.

That's a good idea. It might

That's a good idea. It might distract him but the initial sting is what I'm afraid of. Maybe I'll just take him to the movie. we can both chill ourselves out.

I have your solution... You

I have your solution...

You get SS12 in the car and take him to the park too }:)

Or.. take him somewhere

Or.. take him somewhere yourself that is super more fun and exciting than what your DH will be doing.

You take him to best buy.. buy a new game for him (or somewhere he would like something from) or take him to dave and busters (or similar)..

Then stop at cold stone creamery on the way home and let him be licking that cone as he walks through the door.

Thank you for riding meltdown airlines. I couldn't have landed without you.

Comments

Perhaps your DH thinks that

He's got Asperger's-he's on

So, why isn't your DH more

It does-but his princess

Yes I do. I know him very

I don't know. At the end of

That's a good idea. It might

I have your solution... You

Or.. take him somewhere

Bahahaha. I live 45 minutes

My thoughts exactly. The boy

If your DH insists then find

AND THEY'RE GONE. ALL OF

It's really encouraging that

(hugs) you did a good thing.

damn good for SS and thanks

So proud of you, and so happy

Thank you for all of the

You are here

SOS need advice quick

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