O/T: I really want to punch my inlaws in the throat
MIL and FIL and their habitual boundary stepping.
When you tell someone to not feed your children [insert food stuff here] - EVER - then they go out of their way to feed your children [insert food stuff here]. Like, my FIL got in his car, bought said food and brought it back and fed it to our children. My house is stocked with food. I had just fed our kids before they arrived.
MIL asked me to my face "What do you want me to do if they get hungry?" To which I replied while pointing to a cupboard "There are plenty of healthy snacks up there IF they get hungry. They just ate." She nodded okay and seemed to understand.
This isn't a "Oh, just let it slide the one time they see your children. Because they hardly ever see them." These people know I am vehemently against it. There are no exceptions. Just - no!
When I have addressed my MIL in the past with disregarding this one thing, her response has always been "I'm sorry you feel that way" or my personal favorite "I would say sorry, but I know that's never good enough for you, momjeans."
Never an apology. Because she's not sorry. And then when I pull back and go low/no contact, she accuses me of keeping her from seeing her grandkids. Cries. Plays the victim.
They pull this crap with my BIL's wife too. She told MIL that her daughter was to never be in the car with FIL driving (prescription pill problem, DUI last summer). MIL nods head in agreement, verbalizes that she understands. FIL literally pulls up to BIL and SIL's house driving, with their toddler in the car.
These people DO NOT care. You tell them not to do xyz. They will do xyz.
Who does that?!
At this point it just feels super personal. It feels like retaliation for maintaining very low contact with them and their BS. It feels like they are going to forever show me who's in control in this family. It makes me feel like I'm losing my mind when I break low/no contact with them. Even my DH was pisses, or at least he said he was.
Would you agree this is a control issue, or?
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This is my ex-MIL exactly.
This is my ex-MIL exactly. She scoffed at us for using car seats, even when my kids were infants. She would roll her eyes. I never left them alone with her!
UGH, so so so glad she is my ex-MIL! They were awful human beings. Best part of being divorced is I never have to see them again
My DH asks them. I never do,
My DH asks them. I never do, but since I agree to allow them to come around once every few months, because believe me - I do turn it down a lot, I **am** allowing this to happen, ultimately.
Then when the inlaws pull this crap, it causes a riff between DH and I. I often think that's my MIL's mission as well. To cause waves in my marriage.
(No subject)
}:)
The first time is a
The first time is a slide....the second time OK I might slide again
BUT the third time, come on..STOP depending on your MIL/FIL for anything. This is your fault. I don't disagree they are crossing boundaries. I don't disagree that I would be irked too.
For darn sure she would not be near my /our kids. WHO cares if she cries victim. LET her.
My mouth is still in the drop position when I read this :::
They pull this crap with my BIL's wife too. She told MIL that her daughter was to never be in the car with FIL driving (prescription pill problem, DUI last summer). MIL nods head in agreement, verbalizes that she understands. FIL literally pulls up to BIL and SIL's house driving, with their toddler in the car.
These people DO NOT care. You tell them not to do xyz. They will do xyz.
This entire family is nuts. POOR INNOCENT KIDS---your job is to raise them not pacify the inlaws so their fee fee's are not hurt.
I feel I've gone above and
I feel I've gone above and beyond, giving chance after chance to prove they're not effing manipulative morons.
For the most part I'm no contact with my inlaws, until DH springs it on me that his parents are coming over to watch the kids for a couple of hours. Then I absolutely regret and hate myself for breaking disengagement.
Goodluck - You're right. I need to stop caring about their feefees. I'll just have to lace that "crazy" and "overreactive" boot up and wear it -
Because that's what I'm accused of being when I expect boundaries to be respected.
I Absolutely HATE "I'm sorry
:jawdrop: I Absolutely HATE "I'm sorry you feel that way." Can you ban them from seeing your children until they can follow the rules you've set for your own family?
Thanks granny goose. I don't
Thanks granny goose.
I don't get it either and it's the only set of grandparents they have, sadly.
This reminds me of my
This reminds me of my babysitting days (many decades ago). If the parents told me to do "x" I did "x". No matter how much the children rebelled or pleaded.
I remember one child who I was told to put to bed at a certain bedtime - a toddler still in a crib. I would literally sit next to the crib not letting him crawl out until he went to sleep even if it took an hour or two. He finally started behaving. I later found out that his mother always relented and let him back up - no wonder he was so horrible with her.
The mother would say stuff like "If you don't stop doing that I'm going to cry - and then she'd cry." At 13 I knew that was bullsh*t. He was a horror in school until high school.
They moved away, but I moved to his city when he was in his mid 20s and reconnected. He was a delightful young man who acknowledged how horrible he'd been. He said that sometime in his mid teens he decided that was not the person he wanted to be. That's why I always say it's a combo of nature and nurture.
This is very easy..... they
This is very easy..... they can not be left alone with the children.
If you need a sitter you arrange a sitter, if DH asks his parents to come buy, the sitter will be there and making sure the kids stay put and eat what you want them to eat.
I wil make it very clear to DH and his parents, you are grand parents these are not your children, I don't care how you raised your children, this is the way I'm raising mine, stay out of it, if you go against me you will not be allowed to see them again.
I feel your pain. My MIL
I feel your pain. My MIL will try to feed dd 11 months dangerous food that I said no to.... berries and watermelon. She was there when dd threw up the watermelon from gagging .... then Fing gave her some last week. I don't let her watch her and I've cancelled an appointment when DH was going to watch DD but then he had to get SS to practice....
Well... we only have 1 car for the family and I can't drive DH's 2 seater stick car..... So.... he can't use a carseat in it or drive SS and DD 11 months. His solution? MIL of course. Nope nope nope!
So scary!
So scary!
Oh, our children are
Oh, our children are definitely not deprived of any sweets and the like. Just that I feel it's my call to make when I find certain places and foods totally off limits. This goes beyond that with my inlaws.
And the whole vegetarian issue crossed my mind last night. Like, if our children were hardcore vegetarians or vegans, I'm almost positive my inlaws would still offer them off limits food.
momjeans.... What are the
momjeans....
What are the circumstances that require the kids to have the GP watch them?
NO one and I do mean no one would tell ME the children had to be with them.
AND they would see not them again. Your kids are not safe there especially after reading what they did to your BIL children. LAST STRAW.
In a nutshell, the
In a nutshell, the circumstances are that they are the only set of grandparents they have (my parents are deceased, all of my family and close trusted friends are out west).
My DH thinks the sun rises and sets on his parents. That they are such nice, loving, godly people (eye roll). I have learned over the past few years, living in the same area, that that is NOT case. It's easier to be fooled when you're only seeing these people once, maybe twice a year, like I was when we stilled lived 2000 miles away.
DH plays the card that his dad in aging and is in bad health. Well, the reality of that is that he's not a very healthy 70 year old man due to life choices and his love of prescription meds. MIL, in my eyes is a flaming covert narcissist, but try proving that to anyone outside of a therapist's office.
I've humored my DH in "giving them a chance" over and over and over again, I guess. I see that's a problem in which I can only blame myself. I agree, it's time I to start shopping around for a good, reliable babysitter.
OK thanks for the reply.
OK thanks for the reply.