How would you take this text?
DH's friends wife sent us (me and DH) a group text with a digital invitation for her birthday party with the message "Hello, Hope you guys can make it". #1- the RSVP date on the invite had already passed so we were obviously an after thought, but whatever.
So I respond back to the group text: I'll be out of town for my cousin's wedding. I'm sure DH will be there. Thank you for the invite. Hope you are doing well.
So 2 days later she responds back directly to me: I missed your response somehow. Thank you for responding and enjoy the wedding! I honestly didn't expect you to participate but I wanted to be courteous and extend the invite to both of you rather than just DH. Have a good day!
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I did not send a respond back. I figured my silence was enough to tell her how I felt about her text. Like come on. It's one thing to send someone a courtesy invite but then to tell them about it??? What was the point of that? Especially days later. And honestly I probably would have gone with DH to the party if I wasn't going to the wedding.
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Background: She is the wife of a good friend of DH's. When DH and I first started dating is when DH and the friend first became friends. Initially her and I really liked each other but over time it just came about that our personalities clashed. If we saw each other out and about it was fine, but we didn't go out of our way to see each other. I would see her DH a lot because he would come over to the house to hang with DH and I've always had a good relationship with her DH and consider him like family.
This woman and her DH are skid sympathizers. This came about even more during YSD graduation weekend. Her DH is also the guy I posted about during YSD graduation who was all of a sudden taking an interest in YSD (Since she stopped by his house). I feel like over the course of our friendship with them they have at times brought up the skid situation. Almost to the point they are more concerned with our family business then we are. DH just blows it off.
Anyways YSD graduation weekend, friend was over, I gave DH some attitude (Little attitude, like not even that serious) and friend took offense, left our house and hasn't been back since. I saw friend at a mutual friends house after and said hi to him (I made the effort after realizing that he was ignoring me) and he gave me a cold "hi" back.
So not sure if her extra rudeness to me is in regards to the skids situation or not. She has been kind of rude like that to me before, though not so blunt about it. DH says he's never told his friend how I felt about his friend being "involved" with YSD and her graduation, etc.
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Oh yeah definitely ignoring
Oh yeah definitely ignoring it... She's getting ready to turn 50 years old... you would think that she has manners by now. Even if she doesn't really like me for whatever reasons, what is the point of sending a follow up text like that? (It's a rhetorical question.lol)
She's rude.
She's rude.
I have noticed since the
I have noticed since the incident during YSD graduation weekend that DH hasn't been hanging with the friend as much as usual. DH has been busy with side jobs and then we had some house things that needed done, so not sure if it's just because he has been busy or what. But the friend would usually stop by a few times a week and hasn't stopped by at all since YSD graduation.
I think wife hasn't really
I think wife hasn't really liked me for awhile. Honestly since Potato Gate is when our feelings towards each other changed and then it just went downhill from there over time.
But me not attending YSD graduation should be no concern to not attending her birthday party. 2 different things.
I figured ignoring was best. I mean why go back and forth about stuff? It's exhausting. I don't even think my initial response to the invite deserved a response from her. Or if anything maybe "thanks, have fun at the wedding" or something like that. The last part of the text was just too much imo.
Ignore is definitely best!
Ignore is definitely best! She's poking for a response to share with somebody.
I think so too...
I think so too...
Strange. I get along with her
Strange. I get along with her just fine.
His kids I don't get along
His kids I don't get along with for obvious reasons.
In-laws I'm "meh" with. Since they have recently developed stronger relationships with the skids and BM I have backed off of my relationship with them. It's cordial, social media friendly. I'd just prefer to distance myself from them until skid stuff settles down.
DH's friend- normally I get along with besides this YSD/graduation issue. As for his wife, I mean not everyone is going to love everyone else. We tried to be friends, realized we have different personalities. So it's this unspoken thing between us... we are cool but I'm not inviting you to go and get a pedicure. There is nothing that says we have to like each other.
The mean girl who I stopped
The mean girl who I stopped being friends with? And? All the other girls in our group worked out that situation and we are fine. I have no problem dropping relationships that are no longer positive.
We all know female relationships are difficult and complex. I have A LOT of friends. I have THREE step daughters. I have FOUR sister in laws. There is going to be drama here and there.
Monkey do you have a
Monkey do you have a suggestion of something I should text back to open up the conversation?
(No subject)
Not sure what she called me
Not sure what she called me out on considering I didn't do anything... she invited me to her party, I declined then she sent that text.
They are fine to feel the way they do about me or how I handle my business, they don't need to like it but they can just leave me out of it. No excuse for her rude text. I mean if you don't like me for whatever reason then don't invite me to your party. No biggie. I thought we were fine going through life like- hey we don't love each other but we can be cool when needed for the sake of our DH's friendship.
She tried to "dis you"
She tried to "dis you" because she's oh so 12yo clever.
Is dis a word anymore? I'm old now.
LOL- Yeah I guess she did try
LOL- Yeah I guess she did try to dis me... which is kind of like why start trouble now? That is why I ignored.
This stuff with his wife goes
This stuff with his wife goes way back. I feel like it's been an understanding for years that we are "cool" but we aren't really good friends. No biggie. There is no way friend interpreted me being rude to my DH as having something to do with friends wife and us not getting along. I wouldn't even say that we don't get along. We just aren't on a super friendly level. We rarely see each other. Our husbands are friends.
Agree about not arguing in front of friends but friend has been around a lot. Sorry but if you are going to be around my house a lot then you are going to see a lot more then the average person.
It wasn't a wedding she invited us to, it was her birthday party. I declined because I will be out of town for my cousin's wedding.
If she isn't happy with me, then she could have just not invited me. Not sure what the point of inviting me was then to just tell me she knew I wouldn't come and that she only invited me to be courteous. What do you think the point of that was?
Sue- do you have a suggestion
Sue- do you have a suggestion of something I should text back to open up the conversation?
I do want to add... it's not
I do want to add... it's not just me clashing with her... it works both ways. So as much as she has gotten the impression that she isn't my favorite person, I got that impression from her as well about me. So it's not like one day I decided I didn't like her. She decided she didn't like me after the skids went to her house after Potato Gate, she jumped on me (hardly even knowing the skids), I explained the situation and we tried to move forward and it just never picked up the same. And as time went on we just realized, hey we are different people with different thoughts on things. If we see each other, fine but we aren't jumping to invite the other over for coffee in the morning. We invite each other to big parties we have at each others house, occasionally we go out riding with our husbands and we are fine. She has her life (kids, grand kids, other friends) and I have my own life and busy with BS.
Instead of taking it as rude,
Instead of taking it as rude, you could also take it as simple bad manners. Maybe she was trying to be courteous. Maybe she thought it would be courteous to include you rather than just including DH. Maybe she wanted you to know she was doing her part to bridge the gap. But without social graces, oh well... it comes over awkward.
Based on the face value, meh. She's probably insecure and overexplaining, but genuine enough. You're the only one who knows what lies beneath.
Yeah I guess I am just
Yeah I guess I am just confused what the point of her second text was. As far as I know we are "cool". Not the best of friends but we are cordial and get along in social settings if we see each other. But we aren't going out of our way to make plans with each other. So I don't feel like she has to explain anything. She sent me an invite I declined because I will be out of town. I thanked her for the invite and told her I hope she is doing well.
I don't think she was trying to bridge a gap on anything. I don't think she cares that we are that good of friends are not. It's just one of those things, it is what it is. I think yes she was being courteous and inviting me because I am DH's wife. Okay fine, but what is the point in telling me that? :?
When I said bridge the gap, I
When I said bridge the gap, I was thinking about how her DH has been cool to you lately, and I know if I were in her shoes I'd likely nudge my DH in the direction of, "Hey, let's just all get together and relax." And so she included you as a way to bring you and her and both DHs together to have a nice time. Maybe! Only she knows, and she's only giving text-clues!
I think you prefer people who are open and direct, but it's been my experience that most people have a lot of stuff they get uptight about and it comes out in all kinds of ways. And the uptight ones interpret direct as confrontational, so you can't really ask them about it without the $hit hitting the fan. But actually, I think a lot of the uptight ones just lack personal insight, so they don't know why they do half the stuff they do anyways. Getting called on it just freaks them out.
Let it go. You can trust your observations over time of how she behaves. People's words are so often far less important that what they do.
Thank you... I do like things
Thank you... I do like things open and direct and I agree about some people thinking that it is confrontational.
I am the same way. I prefer
I am the same way. I prefer the truth to anything else at all.
You thanked her for the
You thanked her for the invite and wished her well, so she wanted you to know she was specifically inviting you, not just DH. That doesn't seem like a dig to me, it seems like an attempt to mend fences. You were directly invited, not just a "plus one" for DH. Why not take it at face value and respond in kind, like "Thanks, you all have fun as well!"
I'm confused as to why she
I'm confused as to why she would even have to send a text clarifying. And I didn't take it as "Hey I wanted to make sure you got the invite too, not just DH, because I really want to extend the invitation and want you to come." I took it exactly as she wrote it "I didn't think you would come anyways but didn't want to come across rude and just invite DH." I mean does it take that much energy to send me the invite via text even if she didn't think I was going to come?
She has invited me to a few things that I have not been able to attend because every time I just so happen to be out of town. I can't help that. I always thank her for the invite and explain I will be out of town for whatever reason and tell her I hope she has a fun party. I'm not sure what else to do. Outside of texting her back and asking why she thinks I wouldn't participate in her birthday party... but I don't want to get into a back and forth thing.
Sounds like way too much
Sounds like way too much drama. The whole thing is a bit high school. I'd continue being courteous in public but probably keep my distance.
zerostepdrama My opinion is,
zerostepdrama
My opinion is, SHE is an ass. There is no other way to take her insult. She is not 12, having difficulty with expression.
She could have wrote Thanks for the RSVP, I appreciate it. Have a wonderful time at the wedding. We hope DH can stop by.
And left it at that.
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I would NOT respond to her. IF she is an ass again THEN I would.
JMO
They put their noses a little
They put their noses a little too far in your family business and deserved any attitude you gave them. Sounds like they don't have kids of their own and know EVERYTHING there is to know about parenting. If they do have their own children I would hope they put their focus back where it belongs.
A friendship shattered by something so small was never a real friendship anyway.
She sounds like a toddler.
She sounds like a toddler. Like when some kid says he doesn't want to play a specific game so the one kid who did said "fine, we didn't want you to play with us anyway" Dumb. I agree her feelings were probably hurt but I think you also caught her being petty with the last minute birthday invite. She probably thought she was doing you a kindness by allowing y'all to come to her birthday party and when you told her you had other plans it annoyed her that her pettiness had no effect on you. The fact that you can be unphased by her and her DH's departure in their friendship with your DH is probably the actual problem. I used to have friends like this...toxic...cut ties with them and don't look back. Find another couple you do get along with, ones that are blended even if you're lucky, and encourage your DH to hang out with this guy instead of LoserGuy and his PettyBetty.
Late to the party - but Zero
Late to the party - but Zero simply ignore it and remove yourself from the group...
Once less couple to pretend around with lol.... how ever keep the message and if DH ever ask why are you not inviting them over, smile and show him the text and say, because of this...
Question for you Zero - why
Question for you Zero - why is your DH not going to your cousin's wedding?
It's in a tourist town and
It's in a tourist town and places to stay are very expensive. We have a vacation already planned in tourist town 2 weeks after wedding. So it's me, my mom, sister, adult niece, BS12, niece12 and niece2 are all driving together and just getting a large hotel room together. It's cheaper and works out for my mom and adult niece who are on a budget. So it's kind of like a "girls trip" (with BS).
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