YSD just randomly stopping by....
Yesterday DH and I are in our backyard with some friends having a cookout/drinks. Out of the blue comes YSD (and her baby). We have not talked to her since the drama from a couple of weeks ago.
For reference: https://www.steptalk.org/node/238910
I'm not surprised that she feels entitled to be rude to me then show up like nothing happened.
I was cordial. We had friends over so I didn't want to make it uncomfortable for anyone. Had it been just DH and I, I would have said hi and then went inside.
She didn't stay for too long. The baby is very cute.
YSD BF is in boot camp. Once he is done in October he is going to be stationed in our state. YSD is supposedly starting college in the fall and they are going to get an apartment half way between the school and the air force base. To me, it makes no sense to live half way, in some random town as they will both have to drive 45 minutes each way (her to school and him to work). There are plenty of schools for her to attend where he is stationed at. She said she is going to school for anesthesiology. :O I feel like I have a better chance of winning the lottery then her actually completing school for this. She is the most unmotivated person I have ever met. She's never worked, did mediocre in school, she has been spoiled all of her life. I just really do not see her living on her own (with BF), taking care of baby and going to school.
Also, she showed up in a TINY mini skirt. Had she bent over we would have seen her privates. And she still has a retainer in. It just looked so odd, tiny skirt, retainer, messy hair, looking a mess (now granted she does have a newborn) holding a baby.
DH's demeanor changed after she left. He just seemed uncomfortable and annoyed :?
We didn't talk about it afterwards and I am sure we won't. He will see it as everything is okay because she stopped by and because I was cordial.
I really hope this doesn't mean she is going to be randomly stopping by. I think she is looking for a male figure to be around since her boyfriend isn't around. And she's probably bored at BM's house, friends are probably busy doing stuff while she is busy with a baby.
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Does he stick up for me??? It
Does he stick up for me??? It depends... I have to fight for it though. He just wants to ignore everything. Anything difficult it's like you can actually see him shutting down and then I get nothing out of him. It's like a balancing act.
He will never tell her it's him/her issue. He will try to set the record straight with as few words as possible or as less effort as possible. While he isn't outright throwing me under the bus and letting me take the blame, actually addressing the issue as a him/her, parenting issue, etc. he won't be doing that.
I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and not be super pissed by her outburst and then just showing up. I do realize she is young, having a baby, not much support.
I think it's about time DH
I think it's about time DH tells his daughter it's rude to simply just drop by and it will not be tolerated, at least she can call
I will be ticked off if any one drops by unannounced, I bet ya BM saw you had company and told YSD to go over
Yeah... I don't think he is
Yeah... I don't think he is going to be on board with random drop ins. Since there has been so much time and separation with the skids from our home life, he has developed a new routine and it doesn't include having to entertain his kids and deal with babies in the house. I hate to say it, but it's the truth. He's not really the Grandpa type either.
If you don't tell him SD
If you don't tell him SD isn't allowed to waltz on to your property then he won't tell her anything and she will come back again. He will use this time as an excuse to allow it to slide the next time and the next.
Oh I know... but if I say
Oh I know... but if I say anything to him right now about it he is going to think I'm being a jerk. I'm going to wait and see if she does it again and if so then I am going to talk to him about it.
I think you and DH should
I think you and DH should randomly pop into to Brow's basement for a little visity. What's good for the goose is good for the gander right?
Haaaaaaaaa!
Haaaaaaaaa!
^^ Me, too. My DH and I
My DH and I loathe random drop-bys. We were both raised to call first and make sure it's convenient; none of this showing up out of the blue.
Zero, are you sure he didn't text her in secret??
No I do not think he texted
No I do not think he texted her in secret. He seemed just as surprised as I did. I saw her first and it took me a minute to register it was her and DH was talking and I had to interrupt him talking to our friends to point out she was there. I think I overheard her say something like "I just wanted to stop by so you can meet your grand daughter. This is ----".
I think he thought I invited her... because later when we were getting ready for bed he said... who else did you invite to come over. I said the people that were here and I also invited Friend but she couldn't make it. I did not invite YSD- FYI.
Small consolation...
Small consolation... :?
Not sure if that was her way
Not sure if that was her way of trying to make amends???? Or if she just doesn't care. I mean she was just extremely rude to me only a couple of weeks ago and then she just shows up unexpected like nothing happens. And she hasn't been to our house in a very long time. With the exception of DH looking at something on her BF's car and that was spring 2016 and she didn't even come into the house.
It's possible. There are
It's possible. There are plenty of people who skip over an apology and continue as if nothing happened.
DH and his kids... LOL...
DH and his kids... LOL... exactly why we continue to have issues because nothing gets resolved.
Not sure if that was her way
Not sure if that was her way of trying to make amends????
That is not how I would take it at all. I think she was acting like a bitch marking her territory.. like this is my dad and I'll come over whenever I feel like it. I think that if you didn't have friends there that she needed to put on a show for, she would have given you the cold shoulder.
Yeah probably true... guess
Yeah probably true... guess we will have to cross that bridge when we get there... but she'll have to remember, no friends and no show to put on works the same for me }:) I have no problem telling her to F off if she is rude to me.
I think the random drop in is
I think the random drop in is more or less a "country" thing. I noticed that sometimes, Chef's slightly older brother, Mr. Neutral, just shows up unannounced. Chef never has a problem with it. I was raised in a suburbesque atmos where you definitely called first before showing up.
I have been in various states of Sunday morning undress when "Mr. Neutral" shows up--something I don't care for very much.
I'm okay with a random drop
I'm okay with a random drop by of people I actually like. LOL. Or people that aren't disrespectful to me, unlike YSD.
I just don't want this to start something... her thinking it's okay to just randomly stop by. Or texting and asking to come over or whatever.
Oh yes, well I'm not
Oh yes, well I'm not defending SD by any means. The kind of company you DON'T want!
(((HUGS)))
(((HUGS)))
Of course she stopped by un
Of course she stopped by un announced. How can she start dumping the baby on you if she doesn't start now. Of course the prior bad behavior is to be forgotten.
I would not wait till the next time. I would tell DH very directly that he is to inform his grown kids of the boundaries that affect your life. If they are not to come to your house because of past stealing, putting their hands on you and etc. Then go ahead and clearly state your expectations. Do not argue with him about it. Write it or text it if you have to. They are all responsible for their own relationship and your house does not have to be involved. Interrupting your evening with friends is not acceptable. Why should you have to hold your breath waiting for the next random visit? When they are ready to own their behavior and act decent then you can reevaluate. Until then why should you have to wonder when the next crazy will happen? Tell DH to keep it away from you and your home.
Gads, the diabolical
Gads, the diabolical blatancy!! Zero, do NOT let yourself be sucked into babysitting. If your DH volunteers, evacuate the premises!!!
DH will not be volunteering
DH will not be volunteering to babysit I am sure of it. He doesn't want to actually put in any work. And I won't be babysitting no way, no how. I didn't even hold the baby.
Awesome!! My DH's
Awesome!! My DH's stepdaughter asked him once. He told her no way in hades is he babysitting the grand-skids.
Yeah DH is not the "grandpa"
Yeah DH is not the "grandpa" type. He's hardly the "dad" type to be honest. LOL.
My DH is the grandpa type,
My DH is the grandpa type, but he doesn't babysit. LOL
Yeah you are probably
Yeah you are probably right...
My adult OSD is routinely
My adult OSD is routinely very rude to DH. Few days later she calls and acts like nothing happened. That's just how they roll. I was shocked intially but DH explained that's it's their "normal". So bizarre
Oh its 100% DH's and skids
Oh its 100% DH's and skids normal...
Probably...
Probably...
My SD is not an adult- she
My SD is not an adult- she does not live with us...but even I don't expect her to knock when she comes to see us, kwim?
**** commenting on that sentence... the skids have never really been part of our home and definitely not in the past few years so I would expect them to knock.
Honestly they have never
Honestly they have never really been a part of our home. Even SS who has lived with us at different times still knocks when he comes over. I'm super close to my mom and I usually do a knock and then enter. If I showed up at my dad's house (who I've never lived there, only been there a few times) I'd knock first.
Monkey- It was "odd" because
Monkey- It was "odd" because she hasn't been over to the house in ages...and because she had told DH a couple of weeks prior that she was done with him and she had sent me those nasty messages... so that is what is odd about it. But considering she randomly showed up at DH's friends house who she hardly knows... not sure why I was surprised by her behavior.
I'm stuck on the fact that
I'm stuck on the fact that she said she's going to school for "anesthesiology."
Usually that school is a medical school-which is always preceeded by a four year college degree.
Perhaps she meant a nurse anesthetist-also a graduate program preceeded by a college degree.
What in the ever loving hell is she talking about?
WOB- Nope those were her
WOB- Nope those were her exact words. And DH and my friend who was there (who works in the medical field- entry level, but still should know better) were all like WOW THAT'S GREAT. YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE SO MUCH MONEY. YOU ARE DOING SO GREAT IN LIFE! :sick:
I'm thinking... that's like being a doctor... there is no way she is even smart enough nor motivated. Anybody can say they are going to do something but until she actually does it, or at least has a year of school in... yeah I'm not buying it.