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tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 6:50am

DH went to a fishing tournament this weekend so he was gone on Friday night and came home late on Saturday night. I was watching the skids since they are with us until June 30th. OSS wanted to play a game on the TV in the living room and YSS feels that he owns the TV and that is his territory so all they do is fight over it. So all day long that is what my Saturday was like. So YSS comes and knocks on my door and tells me that he threw up the tea he was drinking so I was genuinely concerned and took his temperature, gave him some pepto bismol and told him to drink some water. I thought maybe he was dehydrated. Well he supposedly threw up 3 times. There was nothing but spit and water all over the bathroom floor. I know because I cleaned it up.

I noticed that after he got his way and got the TV back so that he could watch it he was totally fine. He even ate some fried food. Then he wanted to go outside and I told him that he couldn't since he was sick. He just kept telling me that he was fine. He also kept on asking me if we could go do something that evening. So I am thinking that he was faking being sick.

When I asked him if he was feeling better he started to laugh and I said what you really weren't sick were you. You really just wanted OSS to get off the TV and he just smiled and laughed. I was livid by then because like I said I was genuinely concerned about him but now I feel that he was just trying to manipulate me to get his own way.

I mean he was doing everything he could to even try to bug OSS enough to try to get him off his game so he could have the TV back. As soon as the got the TV back he was acting like his normal self again. So when my DH got home I told him what happened and of course he thinks that YSS really was sick. He will not believe that his son has some issues and that he needs to take him to get diagnosed. Then yesterday DH was playing that video game with OSS yesterday on the TV in the living room and YSS comes up to me and tells me My dad is addicted to that game so that means that he will spend less time with you now. I told him to get out of my face. I was so mad that I had to go outside to calm down.

DH comes outside and tells me that he was joking and YSS was making fun of him why did I take offense to that? I told him I feel like he is throwing that in my face that you will be spending more time on that video game and less time with me. I don't know what to do because my DH does not see what I see with his son and I feel like I am crazy. What do you think? How would you feel?

Comments

SacrificialLamb's picture

Submitted by SacrificialLamb on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 6:54am

How would I feel? I would be irritated that DH had visitation with this children, goes off on a fishing trip, and expects you to watch his kids. And then on top of it , he doesn't trust your recollection of what happened while he was away.

No more babysitting for DH when his children are there; he can handle them all on his own.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 11:40am

Seriously. How ridiculous for him to just take off, dump his kids on you then dismiss anything you have to say. Classic SM role, All the responsibility and no respect.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 6:56am

I agree with the above poster. If he won't back you up, then you need to disengage and refuse to watch the kids.

Peridwen's picture

Submitted by Peridwen on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 7:05am

Agree with SacrificialLamb and CompletelyPuzzled. If he doesn't trust you enough to believe your version of events, then he must not trust you enough to take care of his children. So if DH is not home, the kids are not either. They can go with DH, go back to BM, or DH can find a sitter/summer program.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 7:21am

I agree that you shouldn't be on the hook for babysitting when the kids are supposed to be there with their father. Shoot, they should have gone to the tournament WITH him!

On another note, you need to handle "sick" complaints differently.

Each and every complaint of illness is treated in the same way.

Take temperature... change into PJ's and into bed with the lights off to rest. Sick people need LOTS of sleep. Oh.. you feel better later? Well, you were sick earlier.. you need to rest, no activities, no video games.. I will bring you some toast and clear soup in a bit.

If we were sick in the AM that meant NO activities later that day. No friends over, no soccer practice, nothing.

We also were confined to our rooms so we wouldn't spread the sickness around the household. Start making it a lot less fun to be sick and you will find they will be sick less.

Kids try things, it's our job as adults to think one step ahead.

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 9:54am

Absolutely.

The rule in our house used to be that SS could not leave his room in the morning until I was out of bed. He is tooooo loud.

So, over a long weekend, SS decides to tell DH that he's sick. DH lets him out of his room. I get up and DH tells me SS is sick and he gave him some medicine. SS was better not 10 minutes later. Miracle medicine.

He did it again the next day. Better 10 minutes later. So, I ask DH what this amazing medicine was that he was giving SS for an upset stomach. Turns out it was expired couch medicine he found in the back of the cabinet.

I told SS that if he was sick the next morning, he would have to stay in bed the entire day because he had school and we needed him to get better. I also told DH he was being played by a child. SS hasn't been sick like that again.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 7:54am

Oh I would not mind watching the skids when SO goes away }:)

I would love it to bits.... kids fighting over the TV, no problem.. unplug it and lock the cord up, sorry if you can't share no one will be watching TV.....

skid faking being sick - no problem, you will be in your room with toast and horrible tea till your father comes back, you will not leave your bed, even if I have to sit and knit there (I've done this with my own bio... he played sick to miss school, he was confined to his room for a full day and night)

I will make our bonus time so special they will refuse in the future to stay with me.... and rather go back to BM...

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 7:56am

Thank you guys. I agree I did make the mistake in even watching the kids. But as far as the other stuff do you think I am crazy for thinking this kid was trying to manipulate me by fake being sick and then the next day being vindictive by saying that his dad is addicted to the game so he will spend less time with me.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 8:04am

no not crazy at all.... he manipulated you to get his way..... fake sick and all....

and him telling you Dh is addicted to games and you will see him less... pure evilness...

thus your skids is an evil manipulative little snot

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 8:16am

Thank you Acra my DH doesn't want to believe that his kid would be manipulative or vindictive and asked me how I would feel if he criticized my family. I told him if it was the truth or they were doing something bad to you I would definitely try to understand your feelings and where you were coming from and try to get to the bottom of it. DH believes that the kids always tells the truth and that there is nothing wrong with him. SS is 10 and acts like he's 5. I honestly think that he is trying to push me out because he feels threatened because he wants daddy all to himself. I am not playing these games with a 10 year old and I have never tried to take away time with DH from his kids.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 8:20am

no parent ever believes his snowflake is nothing but a pure white snowflake.....

thus you telling DH, SS is manipulative or sneaky is not going to get you anywhere... believe me, I've tried for 9 years and was never believed, then I moved out of our house, and disengaged the last 5 years, the shit just hit the fan and now SO wants to know from me why did I never say anything.... yes his 17 year old snowflake screamed in his face that she will get rid of me even if it's the last thing she does on earth and he needs to choose, it's either her and BM or me....

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 8:41am

That is just crazy so I guess this kids just try to get rid of step parent's with different tactics.

secret's picture

Submitted by secret on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 8:43am

just laugh when he does this. He's projecting onto you, because he knows it means dad will be also spending less time with him.

Wouldn't he just sh!t if you were to pick up a controller and play with your DH?

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 8:45am

I was thinking about going into the living room and grabbing the remote and sitting there and watch TV to see what SS does but I am more mature than that.

secret's picture

Submitted by secret on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 8:48am

lol - just tell SS that since he was right and DH is spending less time with you, you're gonna be watching more tv since you have more free time...so too bad for him... lol

secret's picture

Submitted by secret on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 8:54am

There's mature... then there's, as someone else put it.... simply stating facts and giving him a head's up.... Wink Wink

SacrificialLamb's picture

Submitted by SacrificialLamb on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 8:55am

My OSD is 42 years old. Manipulating to get her way, and punishing when she doesn't, is all she knows. It never stops.

Your DH, like my DH, does not want to believe that the fruit of his loins and and object of his perfect parenting could possibly manipulate another person. You gain nothing and will not win that battle. You will come across as "you don't like my son" to DH and he will want to protect his poor victim son.

You need to be on the lookout for manipulation, deflect it and not let it get to you. If YSS had told me DH wouldn't get to see me as much because he was playing video games with him, I would have told him I was perfectly ok with seeing him less while DH visits with his children, who will only be there until June 30 (and I would be busy doing something else). If YSS knows he is getting to you he is liable to keep it up.

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 8:59am

I just told him to get out of my face and I had to walk outside so I could calm down and of course DH was like he was just joking with you.

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 9:03am

Well evidently SS was confused as to why I was upset because he said that to me and DH thought that he meant no harm.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 9:45am

I remember when Chef didn't think YSS at the time 7, was faking illness. Of course, as an experienced parent I picked up on it right away. This kid was wanting to eat donuts and junk food 15 minutes after he forced himself to try to throw up. At this age he was already PASed out and wanted to return home to Mommykins because she has no rules.

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Mon, 06/12/2017 - 9:25am

So I should just be invisible and not care. My DH said he just wants peace which means to me that he doesn't want to hear what I have to say and my feelings are on the back burner after his sons.