Step parent to drug addict?
I'd really like to hear how you all are dealing with or have dealt with this. I've been around a lot of addicts and users. I have always cut them off and moved on. SD21 is supposedly starting rehab soon for the first time. I don't see it working. SO and SS18 are of course going to try to be supportive, but I just don't even want her around me or my BS
ETA: she was drug tested and they found opioids and xanax in her system. She's a frequent marijuana smoker, since about 15.
- always_anxious's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
One of my close works friends
One of my close works friends has a son who is a drug addict and I could never imagine going through what she has been through. Multiple relapses, theft, issues with family, overdoses, homelessness, wondering if her son is okay, etc.
I would imagine the addiction becomes very consuming for the parent. I know if my BS was an addict that it would consume me, me wanting to make sure he was okay and being worried about him, etc.
My OSD's DH is a drug user and just based off of what I know it would be safe to call him an addict. I don't think OSD is a user but she has done some really shady stuff to protect her DH and because of their lifestyle I have told DH (and he agrees, until he doesn't agree) that they are not allowed inside of our house.
What are you expectations of your SO in regards to dealing with his daughter? Is he involved in her life and recovery?
Since this is the first
Since this is the first rehab, he wants to be emotionally supportive. He and I have both grown up around some of this and know the deal. Its still his "little girl" so to speak. I think if she doesn't take this opportunity, he would cut her off. I can't ask more than that.
I just don't feel its going to work. she's already attention seeking with the whole, look at me isn't it great I'm going to do rehab aren't you proud?
She wants to come for a visit next week and i'm not really interested. He and I are going to discuss tonight.
I can whole-heartedly
I can whole-heartedly recommend you try a few different local Al-anon meetings. It's like StepTalk in that you will hear a lot of experience, strength & hope in how others with family alcoholics & drug addicts in their lives change the insanity to serenity and healthy boundaries, communication, etc. Unlike StepTalk in that advice or direct feedback is not given - everyone sticks to their own stories - but you find out you are not alone and that there are ways to return sanity to an insane situation (= life involving the addict). It's free, you can just listen or choose to share your situ, use only as a sounding board or work the 12 steps with a sponsor and go deep; totally up to you. Many have found Al-anon helpful, and it's a good tool to have to learn to accept & cope in a sane way.
My father was an addict
My father was an addict starting shortly after I was born. I know a lot about al-anon. Basically life experience just taught me to move on and cut them loose. I guess SO wants to give her this one chance. Again, I'm just negative. She's never had follow through and never maintained any activity in her life, except screwing up.
Agree, I've also always cut
Agree, I've also always cut these people loose, too, until SS17 came into my life... !
I also have a dear friend
I also have a dear friend who's son is an addict. They have tried everything they can to help him get on the straight path. They have also tried the tough love route. He was in jail for nearly a year and was clean. He got out of jail and lasted about 4-5 weeks before he used again. Sadly since then he has been back in jail again, clean again and got out and used. Sad part is, once he gets out and uses, he OD's and has to be revived. Recently he OD'd 3 times in a 5 week period. Luckily each time he was found before it was too late. So far this last time, he has been clean for about two months.
Unfortunately I don't hold high hopes he will continue his sobriety. I fear he will push the limits one too many times and there will not be anyone there to find him and save him.
It is a horrible existence for the addict and the family. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
It is a horrible existence
It is a horrible existence for the addict and the family. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
^^^^^^
This! My SF was an addict. Two of my uncles died from OD's, one with the needle still in his arm. I know A LOT of people who lost people. It's huge in my state.
I have made BS watch the TV show Intervention with me so he can see the affects of drugs. We talk about it A LOT. It is one of my worse fears for him.
It getting so much worse with
It getting so much worse with meth and heroin. At least that's how it feels. Our state has areas that are just known for being meth and opioid ridden. unfortunately, that's where SD was raised at her mom's home.
This is one of my worse
This is one of my worse fears. What do you do in a situation like that. My DH would never give up on his kids. No matter how bad they got. I know I wouldn't want a thief in my house. We would probably end up divorcing.
Dealing with an addict is
Dealing with an addict is hard enough when it's someone you love unconditionally. I would not go through it for just anybody.
Your SO and SS want to be supportive, and you can be supportive of that, but you can choose to not have her around you and yours.
I hope they understand, or learn, the difference between supporting and enabling.
Yes, its going to be
Yes, its going to be interesting territory for me to work through. My BS adores his sister. He see's her very little, so he of course thinks she is great.
when he gets older, he will only be disappointed. I grew up with addiction around me. I swore my child would not. Will not.
The addict doesn't stop for
The addict doesn't stop for anyone. They do not stop using until they are ready or until they die. That is the absolute truth of any addiction and a heartbreaking truth to swallow for anyone who loves an addict.
I think this is what SS18
I think this is what SS18 does not see. SO knows, through his family experiences that this is true.
That crap is where I put my
That crap is where I put my foot down. A skid doing dope, drugs, alcohol in my home could cost me my job... not to mention the effects it could have on my son. That is a no go.
When SS was 14, he decided to smoke dope in my house on my birthday, when DH and I ran out to have lunch and get groceries. DH actually got snippety with me when I told him I did NOT want BS (who was 3 at the time) staying home with SS. I stood my ground and we ended up dropping BS off at my moms. Glad I did, because when we walked in the door a few hours later, the smell of dope was wayyyyyy beyond denying. I flipped my shit. I told DH to take SS home and I better not ever see him in my home again until he or BM could get the disrespectful punk under control. Well guess what? SS is now 18 and still smokes dope and does Lord knows what else. The last time DH saw him, which was in March?? he came home disgusted and embarrassed and sick of SS shit. He said the kid acts like he's on horse tranquilizers, he can barely string a sentence together. But what can DH do?? BM denies that there is a problem.. he's just a "normal" kid doncha know??
I would have no problem with SS eventually coming back into our home... but ONLY IF, DH saw a change outside of our home and it would have to be a prolonged change. I think this is what your DH should do in the interest of protecting you and your son. If he wants to see SD, he needs to do it outside of the home, until such time that she has proven to him that she is no longer doing drugs.
Totally agree. I'm not
Totally agree. I'm not completely sure where SO stands on this. SS18 was the one who was making plans to go get SD21 and bring her for a visit. I told SO and his response was what the hell! That doesn't mean he has the balls to say she can't come see him, but I will enforce that he is blunt about her activities if she does and what is expected.
Honestly though and addict will do whatever they do. BS won't be around anything like this.
I don't care if Aergia uses
I don't care if Aergia uses or not, not my kid and not my problem.....
Deigma started going with the wrong crowed after school..... and he started using... I caught him round about his 5th time, yes early cause I immediately saw in his eyes... lights are on but no one is at home, this was when I finally located him at 2 o'clock in the morning at the sugar house... I used a strap to get him in the car and I drove straight to the police station, dragged him in and told them.. this fucker is using and dealing, lock his ass up...
they did lock him up and went to the sugar house, locked every one up for that matter....
I went home and raided his room, he had nothing left but his bed......no phone, no laptop no music system nothing..
only 3 sets of cloths..... The next morning cops dropped him off at home, I asked them to wait, took the clippers and shaved his long hair short, under their view, actually they held him down a bit.....
I locked him in his room for 3 weeks, he only could only use the bathroom...after 3 weeks he tested negative for substance, I called a nurse to draw blood and after that tested negative for drugs, he was allowed to see the outside of the house. Police dropped the charges on him, cause clearly he was not a dealer or a long time user, no dealer will sell to him in town, it's a small town and they all know I will split on them.. the old dealer got 5 years...Sugar house is closed down.
Deigma had a month to find a job, earn a salary and well he's still paying back the money I paid for his technical school, which he dropped out of due to wrong friends.
It helps living in a small town, even if it's the mega of drugs in Mars.... news travels and police helps allot without leaving the kid with a criminal record. We call it his beach bumming days..... After a year and a half, I still do random drug tests on him, he hates it but I keep on telling him, you broke the 18 year trust with in a month... how long do you think it will take to come back to that level of trust....
Seriously, nice job
Seriously, nice job parenting! A small town has its advantages.
TV SHOW INTERVENTION GIVES
TV SHOW INTERVENTION GIVES YOU LOTS OF EXPOSURE TO THE ADDICTS AND THEIR REHABS. IT DEPENDS ON WHAT THEY ARE ADDICTED TO AS TO THE SUCCESS OF REHAB.
I HAVE A STEP SON WHO SMOKED METH ON OUR PORCH. Just a little recreational use of meth I was told.
11 yrs later he can not seem to stop. Is there any such thing as a little recreational use of opiods, or meth, or cocaine?
Someone in the family told me this step son had a long police record. TruthFinders.com showed me 8 pages of criminal court and 5 arrests most for posession, use of drugs, and assault and battery. A Life that went down the rabbit hole.