Dh says we can't go where I want because sd is with bm
My birthday weekend was this past weekend and so was Bm''. Sd9 was with her mom for her bday and Dh asked what I wanted to do. I really wanted to go to the zoo,I figured it would be fun for bs10 as well. Dh said we couldn't do it because that's something that sd9 would want to be included in on. What the heck!! I told him we could go again when we have her. I didn't end up getting to do what I wanted for my bday with my family. When sd9 got back from her weekend with her mom she told me that they went to the zoo together. I'm fuming. Dh makes me sick. Am I out of line being upset here?
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You and your BS10 should have
You and your BS10 should have gone, anyway.
I never would have put my life on hold because of my SD and my husband never expected me to.
Did we sometimes make certain plans for a certain weekend that we had her? Sure. Did we NOT to do something we wanted because we didn't have her? Never.
I agree. It's one thing to
I agree. It's one thing to not plan, let's say, a Disney trip purposefully when the SK's aren't there. But, a local excursion? nope
That's how I feel. It's not
That's how I feel. It's not like she would ever know what we did without her. We wouldn't tell her about or rub it in her face. I should have just gone with bs and left Dh home
Yeah, if DH didn't to go
Yeah, if DH didn't to go without SD, you should have left his dumb ass home and gone with your son. That's what I do, my life does not revolve around anyone other than myself and BS7, if DH is acting dumb about doing shit, we just do it without him dumb ass.
Yup, the few times I've had
Yup, the few times I've had to go somewhere without DH because he was full on Disney Dad mode, he hated it. I had a lovely time. Now he refuses to do anything other than take the kids to the park without me.
This. The day I quite making
This. The day I quite making decisions around the skids was the beginning of a much easier life.
It's just the zoo. Why can't
It's just the zoo. Why can't OP go where she wants on her birthday?
This wasn't about "taking someone else's kid." This is about OP. You know an individual. Making a simple birthday request.
Nope MUST INCLUDE SKID AT ALL TIMES!!!!
It was her birthday for
It was her birthday for Christ sake.
Why are you always so contentious?
Because she's a BM who
Because she's a BM who believes SM's come last even on their birthday.
He doesn't have to go. He can
He doesn't have to go. He can sit home. When OP gets home from zoo with her son, she can still do a date night out if she desires.
SD is at zoo with BM. BS at zoo with OP. DH/Dad home alone or out doing something by himself.
Why didn't you just take your
Why didn't you just take your daughter and go?
If we couldn't do MY birthday
If we couldn't do MY birthday plans because kid wasn't there... I'd tell SO to take a hike - this isn't a trip to the zoo to take BS there - this was a trip for OP, that OP thought BS would enjoy too.
He's not taking someone else's kid... he's taking his wife, who happens to have her kid along.
Even getting a sitter for the kid, she still would have wanted to go to the zoo. Suggesting a date night elsewhere wouldn't have changed the fact that she wanted to go to the zoo for her birthday. He was just being a dick.
I agree!!!
I agree!!!
I'd of just took my kid and
I'd of just took my kid and went.
Your DH is an ass. Don't
Your DH is an ass. Don't waste your time trying to change him. Either learn how to live with his assholiness or move on. Your decision.
Good greif that is
Good greif that is ridiculous. Before DH and I had our bio, thanks to this website I had a long discussion about how we would not be putting off doing things until SD9 was with us. She gets to do plenty without us with her BM so BS should get to do the same with his mom (me). We also never hide or lie about anything we go do because SD needs to know the world does not revolve around her. We don't rub it in, but if she says "me and mom did xyz over the weekend, did you do anything?" We always tell her the truth. Sometimes she goes with and sometimes shes at her mothers. DH agreed that was fair to our kids after some explaining thank goodness! If it was my birthday I would be more irritated.
This exactly. DH knows that
This exactly.
DH knows that when our baby arrives, we will continue to do things when SD is at her moms on holidays/summer. She's having fun there, we can have fun at home. There will NEVER be a time where I let my child miss out on something because SD has another home.
This would irritate the hell
This would irritate the hell out of me. Your DH acted like an ass. He could always take SK when he has her if he wanted to. But to totally dismiss what YOU wanted to do for YOUR birthday because his SD would want to go. HELL NO!
I would have gone with my kid and just told him once he gets his head out of his ass he can join me on my birthday.
That's exactly what I think
That's exactly what I think as well. Thank you! I should have just taken me and my son to the zoo and enjoyed my day. Instead we went shopping and it was not fun for either my kid or Dh. I really resent this crap
I agree with all the others -
I agree with all the others - I would have taken my BS to the zoo, happily leaving DH in the dust.
Seriously though, OP. I've reread you post a few times and I can't help but get this vibe that it wasn't just about your DH wanting SD to be including on a zoo trip, if not more of a... he (DH) didn't have the backbone when it came to the idea of possibly bumping into BM and SD at the zoo with you, his wife, and your BS. Is he afraid of some sort of backlash from BM? Hurting SD's feels seeing you at the zoo with another kid on BM's weekend. Given the fact that SD admitted they went to the zoo for BM's birthday - do you seriously think DH didn't have some sort of inkling that they'd be there too?
Typos - ack! And yes, Happy
Typos - ack!
And yes, Happy Birthday!
You should have taken your
You should have taken your bio and left DH at home.
Honestly, I would rather walk naked through NYC than spend a day with the skids. Christmas is bad enough.
My SO used to pull this crap
My SO used to pull this crap too. Every Birthday of mine was always about the skids. Their favorite restaurant, movie or activity...It was like we were celebrating their Birthdays not mine, but without the cake and ice cream!
I finally put my foot down a couple of years ago... He didn't like it, but tough! He got over it.
Stuff that shit. I would've
Stuff that shit. I would've taken my son and gone out for the entire day and made sure we had a blast.
Your DH sounds like a guilty dicky dad. Truly sucks when this happens.
STBEX SO and I went through this a few times. I wanted to watch the Eagles when they came here, in concert. SO refused to go cuz he wanted to take SS. I wanted to watch a movie..nope..he wanted SS to watch it. So, i quit. Stopped asking and started doing my own thing. This was met with him whining and being bitter about it. Man! When I read this..It just makes me so damn happy not to be involved with it all anymore.
Well lesson learned Hon, next
Well lesson learned Hon, next time you want to do something, simply tell DH, we are doing this... meaning you and BS, if he says no we can't cause SD is not with us, smile and say... I did not ask you I told you, then come on BS, we are going to the zoo, Dh you can stay at home...
I'm a total bitch - next time DH wants to get frisky , I will say.. no we can't SD is not here