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Seriously? Am I cursed?

CBCharlotte's picture

Submitted by CBCharlotte on Thu, 06/01/2017 - 8:10am

As many of you know, my life has been a $hit sandwich and it seems like a new layer of meat is added weekly.

As you may know from my previous blogs, I am BRCA-1 positive (the gene that greatly increases your risk of breast and ovarian cancer) and my mom was diagnosed at 38. Thus, I get checked every 6 months with alternating MRIs and Mammos. I had an MRI last August that found something suspicious, and they did a biopsy which was thankfully negative.

I went in Tuesday for my 6 month follow up MRI, and the "enhancement" is worse in the same area as the biopsy (they put a clip in to mark it). It is so persistent that they want me to have surgery to remove the tissue. It is what they call an "incisional biopsy", rather than the needle biopsy I had previously. I will likely have to be put under anesthesia and recover at home for a few days, but I'll know more once they get a surgical consult scheduled in the next few weeks. Once the tissue is out, they will biopsy for cancer and go from there.

I am 29. I have 4 skids. Possible cancer. DH just recovered from a heart attack, has been unemployed 2 years, and just found out the AMAZING job he had an offer for no longer exists. I can't take much more. When will we get a break? People keep saying "all this bad keeps happening because something good is around the corner." When?! September will be our 2 year wedding anniversary.....we are definitely in the "poorer" and "worse" of "for richer or poorer, for better or worse". I could just cry. I did at work yesterday when my OBGYN called with the results.

We did some repairs around the house because DH was getting a cash bonus for the job, but now that is gone so there goes more of our savings.

I just want to curl up in a hole and sleep for 3 years and wake up and everything be alright.

UPDATE: I have an appointment with the surgeon on June 29th. I'm not sure if that means they will do the surgery that day, or if that is just a consult. I am seeing the same surgeon my mom saw and my coworker, and supposedly she is the best in the city.

Comments

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 06/01/2017 - 8:20am

dragging you out by your feet from that deep black hole you want to crawl into.... it's not the solution Hon

Now the removal of the tissue from your breast, depending on the size, it's no biggy, i had a lump as big as a golf ball which they removed ... 6 weeks it was hell to lift my arm, you have no idea how much you use your boob by simply lifting your arm lol..... oh and I had a small drainage pipe as well for the first week... that was uncomfortable..

But once it was all gone, it was all gone.... so stop worrying about that, start thinking positive and belief.. as hard as it might be. Keeping my fingers crossed and you in my prayers that this is not cancer...

DH will find another job, he should simply write a letter to a company and say : Herewith I would like to inform you I am rejecting your rejection letter and I will be starting coming Monday.... just got a smile out of you with this...
DH should keep on trying, what's this Uber driving people are talking about? Could that not help you for a while?

Just do not go cave dwelling Hon, it's very hard to come from that back to real life, rather bite your lip now and force through everything, you are being tested and simply keep on believing, you will get through this, so will DH
in 10 years time from now - you will look back and laugh..... sending you good vibes and prayers...

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 06/01/2017 - 10:55am

Darn... same thing happened to my DH. Was given a job offer. Went through all the pre-employment testing and was waiting for the training class date when they pulled the plug. He had a normal job offer letter/package and everything!

It really sucks. And, it's hard not to spend money you don't have in hand yet, especially if you have been holding off on things for so long.

CBCharlotte's picture

Submitted by CBCharlotte on Thu, 06/01/2017 - 9:12am

UPDATE: I have an appointment with the surgeon on June 29th. I'm not sure if that means they will do the surgery that day, or if that is just a consult. I am seeing the same surgeon my mom saw and my coworker, and supposedly she is the best in the city.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 06/01/2017 - 9:13am

just relax and stay calm till then CB..... as hard as it might be, but there's no reason to work yourself into a state over something that's not confirmed, I know you will be okay ...

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Thu, 06/01/2017 - 9:23am

I know someone that had her breasts removed and got implants because of BCRA. Is that something that you would consider? To maybe put your mind at ease moving forward.

CBCharlotte's picture

Submitted by CBCharlotte on Thu, 06/01/2017 - 9:26am

Yes, at some point, but I'm only 29. I want to have a kid and be able to breastfeed and then will consider that at 35+.

My mom has been in remission since 1999-ish and just had a double mastectomy and hysterectomy a few years ago as a preventative measure. My doctors want me to at some point but not yet, and I'm not ready yet

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Thu, 06/01/2017 - 9:18am

You two are a strong, loving team and intelligent people. You will work these things out together and if there is nothing to work out, you will support each other through this. Just do what you need to do to get through it and remember to treasure each other and be kind to one another.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Thu, 06/01/2017 - 9:32pm

Oh I so know where you are coming from. I lost my job when the oil industry collapsed which destroyed my geographic area (Texas - early 80s). I went thru my life savings (hundreds of thousand of dollars), had to give up my two homes and one rental property and two cars. I went from living a life of luxury flying around in private jets to living in a small apartment driving a beater car. I also ended up in debt up to my eyeballs.

In addition my mother developed a terminal illness and my grandfather died. I almost died from an infection and spent two weeks at death's door in ICU. I turned 40 and faced losing my last chances at having children. My life was a total DISASTER. When I finally got a new job I made 1/3 of my previous salary - at an almost entry level position.

But it all worked out in the end. That almost entry level job gave me a new start that allowed me to work internationally and to do some remarkable thing in my career. I loved the experiences that I got to have.

I ended up getting to retire early (55) and have had an almost perfect life since then. So hang in there.