Thank you for your response. You are absolutely right that about my son, most of the time he doesn't tell me, because he says I usually speak with my husband and it make things worse for him I am afraid of my husband speaking with him because my son has warned me that he will physically hit my husband if he tries to lay the law down again. But even if he doesn't come to me, there is an atmosphere which tells me something is not right and this is what I can't handle, friction in my home.

My daughter does let me know shes's coming, the problem is when they are not coming for dinner and end up eating. I am fine with it but my husband is obviously not - maybe it's a mum and dad thing!!

My son just came and apologised for the verbal abuse he has been giving me the past few days which I was very pleased about - but sadly it escalated into more verbal abuse saying I don't care about him (which is total rubbish) he seems to need a lot of glorified praise and when I tried to reason with him - he ended up going places he should not and saying very personal things. He said my husband is using me for his own means?????? I am torn between wanting to help my son and wondering if he wants me to leave my husband out of selfish jealousy. As he is just back from the USA at the moment he goes out all night, sleeps all day and watches telly into the morning hours leaving all the lights on. My husband apparently made a remark to him about it. My son was screaming at me saying that it's his house too and he can watch telly whenever he wants. He has a telly in his room but not all the channels he likes watching. This is my fault because before I met my husband my kids ran the house and did what they wanted.

I always told my children that they came first and my son seems to have a problem if he thinks I am considering my husbands feelings when they have a disagreement. I explained to him that he is grown up now and not a child and my relationship with my husband is totally different to mine and his. I think my son is emotionally very immature like his father. but I do feel he used a lot of emotional guilt tripping on me and when he thinks it's not working he goes mad - it's funny though that when he hears my husband coming in he stops arguing with me.??

Also I feel that I have to let my step son move back in with us otherwise my husband may ask my son to leave too.

Thank you for all your comments, they do help me get things into perspective - I appreciate that you do not have the full history, but an outsiders viewpoint and opinion helps a great deal.

It's very hard to admit to yourself your son is a behaving badly but I agree with you, I am very soft and compassionate and that gets in the way of everything.

Thank you.

Hi there, I didn't realise it was nearly two years ago that I posted this. Unfortunately things have gone downhill since then. My ex husband has wound my son up something rotten, telling him that the family home is his and that my husband has no right to tell him to leave ( my husband has spent £300k on my house and has supported us financially for many years). My ex husband refused to take my son in to give us all break from the conflict and this made my husband feel used by both of them and made him feel resentful to my son. My son expected my husband to provide while he worked abroad periodically returning for 4 months a year to live with us making no contribution whatsoever.

They had words with my son told my husband that I would eventually leave him when I realise what he is really like (total rubbish). I tried to get them to sit down and talk and it went very badly and ended up with my son physically attacking my husband and pushing him to the ground. I was hysterical and tried to stop it, but my son held my husband down on the floor. Thankfully my husband did not fight back and kept telling my son to stop and that he would not fight back. My son did not punch my husband thank god. My son was shouting that he was going to smash up the whole house so my husband called the police, I was against this, but I felt I could not handle the situation any further and had to let things take their course. I was traumatised but also felt a sense of major relief when my son left. He was ok with me and my daughter when he left, but it then escalated to major hurt, anger and resentment. This was nearly a year ago and our relationship is non-existent. I send my son emails because he has blocked me on his phone and I have been constantly positive. I was worried he would harm himself which he has told me he thought of doing so I have not scolded him in any way. He has been very disrespectful and critical of me and said how could a mother put a stranger before her own son. I now wonder whether I should have been a bit firmer.

I know my son has issues with reference to his bio father, and I feel very guilty about this, but he is 27 now and I feel he needs to take responsibility and stop blaming everyone else.

I sent him a birthday card and put my husbands name on it too and my son went ballistic. My emotions are severely up and down, I have been on a spiritual journey and this helps me enormously.

My two brothers sympathise with my son and have been very critical of me - this obviously contributes to my sons feelings that he right and we are wrong.

I try to be positive and adopt the fact that what will be will be and that I cannot force anything.

I would appreciate any advice especially from someone who may have experienced a similar situation.

Many thanks

Also my son ignores my emails and when he does reply it's negative ranting and criticism. I decided to not email him for a few months and when I did to see how he was, he complained that I didn't care about him and I was selfish and a bad mother to not contact him for so long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????? I can't win. I am getting tired of being positive, supportive and compassionate to him.

I appreciate your responses and value your opinions as outsiders.

Thank you Rags, Ladyface and Secret for taking the time to respond. My son has told me on several occasions that he thought of harming/killing himself and this plays on my mind. Just that tiny 1% is far too high a risk to take nowadays.

I know I have been soft and overcompensated because of the divorce and then meeting my husband who adores me, but it is very difficult when you are not strong enough to lay the law down (I am getting there though very quickly at the moment). My son was 13 when my husband moved in and he was troubled from the divorce that's why I was over protective. He found my husbands discipline difficult to accept and as his stepdad I didn't know what was right or wrong. We do the best we can at the time and it's usually when we look back that we realise our mistakes.

My husband threw my son out and he is living with his father, I can't call him dad because he hasn't been a dad to either of my children. My daughter who is 30 and has been through the same as my son is completely different, she is respectful and loving and is doing well as a teacher, she has her own house with her boyfriend so I don't feel like a complete failure as a mum.

To top all this off, my 2 brothers have sided with my son who they felt sorry for because he told them I allowed my husband to bully him for years. So I have had this to deal with as well. I put my foot down with them and it went really nasty, they are both unwell now, so I am on talking terms but keep my distance. We were a very close family, but since I met my husband, it has all gone mental. My husband is very loving and affectionate and puts me before everyone, but he is also very straight and up front and can be quite sarcastic, what you see is what you get. My family are over-sensitive and misunderstand so easily that I walk on eggshells with all of them.

It has been a tough journey, but I know I have to be strong and step back from my son and have faith that everything will work out for the best. I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid.