OT - shaky, but holding on

Hi, STalkers.

I'm still around. My state of mind is still shaky right now.

DH's work is making major shift changes. He will be working 5 days a week. This means that he will get home while I'm still sleeping and he will be asleep when I get up. We will have quality time every other weekend when PigPen is not here.

My darling Mr. P is back on pain meds. His 30 day prescription was completed on Saturday and he did well all day Sunday and Monday. BUT...He and Daddy were playing rough Monday night. Tuesday, my sweet boy was not getting around well. I called the vet last night and got more of his pain meds (plus a refill). So... he and Daddy are going to have to give up their usual playtime. It's just too hard on my baby.

Since Mr. P is not feeling so spry, we will NOT be taking off to open up the family summer house this weekend. Unless he makes some vast improvement between this morning and when I get home tonight. He needs rest and spending many hours riding in a car doesn't sound like a good idea. My poor tiny moose.

Let's face it. I'm depressed. I cannot seem to drag myself out of it. Last night, when Mr. P wouldn't eat his dinner and went into the living room to his bed, I sobbed uncontrollably all over the kitchen floor (won't need to mop THAT spot any time soon...). I'm either not eating enough and get headachy, or I'm stuffing my face. Certain I've packed back on 3-4 lbs. It's an effort to get out of bed. I'm still having headaches from the concussion and my back is being a totally uncooperative beeyotch. Money is so tight and I'm so broke, I really need to get a PT job to get ahead of things, but I have NO idea how I will muster up the energy to do the work. If only worrying, stressing, stress eating, and crying paid well...

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Thank you, LF. {{{hugs}}}

Sending you some good vibes.

Sending you some good vibes. I feel for you and Mr P. Hoping that life starts to get a little easier for you both soon. If possible if i can, I suggest that you see if you can get a little exercise and/or fresh air to try to help yourself out a bit. I am trying to be more consistent with my exercise regimen to try to stabilize my emotions and help me feel a little more grounded.

Be easy on yourself and kind to yourself. You can get through this, just do what you need to do and the rest will sort itself out one way or another.

Thanks, BethAnne. I wish I

Thanks, BethAnne. I wish I could find something that would give me energy. I am constantly exhausted (and certain the depression is part of it). Some mornings, it takes all of my energy just to shower and blow-dry my hair. A friend of mine is trying to talk me into THRIVE. Um, hello? Broke here. Can't afford that. Caffeine has no effect on me (except more frequent bathroom trips).

I am, lucy91. Yes, the pain

I am, lucy91. Yes, the pain is definitely adding to it. Nothing like bending over to pick up your shoes and your back starts spasming.

Thank you so much, renewal.

Thank you so much, renewal. You make me feel special. {{{hugs}}}

Traveling and a-livin' off

Traveling and a-livin' off the land...!!

Depression sucks. Remember

Depression sucks. Remember when I took my handicapped mother to the grocery store, left her there, told a clerk I'd be back, and drove around the corner and just bawled? I freakin' abandoned my mother in the store for a bit. Came back and she'd been happily shopping and knocking stuff over.

When you are in the middle of a major depressive episode, it just does not feel like there's a way out. You're not certain when you started that slippery slide down, but ... be kind to yourself. I forgot if you've started the counselor/medication support or are white-knuckling it?

I'm sending you some {{hugs}} and prayers for a peaceful mind. If you lived close, I'd drag you out for a nice bagel and coffee. Hope today is a bit brighter for you.

Indigo, that was me on the

Indigo, that was me on the kitchen floor last night. I felt like I'd failed Mr. P because he didn't want to eat his dinner. After I picked up his meds, came home, and gave him one, I brought his food dish to him and he ate it.

I feel like I'm at the bottom of a very deep pit looking at the pinhole of light faaaaaaaar awaaaaaaaaaay at the top of the pit. Yes, I have a therapist and I'm taking meds. Frankly, I'd be in a much worse place without the meds. :?

Going for coffee and a bagel would be wonderful. I love coffee.

OMG! So that was you on the

OMG! So that was you on the light rail the other day? Dang.

Cocktail, my mouth has

Cocktail, my mouth has finally healed enough that smiling is no longer painful.

Also, I've been playing the soundtrack to Godspell on my drive home from work. I have always found that to be uplifting. {{{HUGS}}}

Day by day, day by day. Oh,

Day by day, day by day. Oh, dear Lord, three things I pray....

to see thee more clearly, love thee more dearly, follow thee more dearly, day by day.

it's gonna get better Aniki, just keep at it day by day <3 <3 <3

WOB, I used to know how to

WOB, I used to know how to sign that song while singing!! xoxoxo

me, too! I did this show for

me, too! I did this show for two years in high school and that song was my solo. My director had a deaf son and she taught me ASL so that I could sign it when we entered into a tournament where a deaf theater company was also entered.

I liked it so much that I kept it after the competition

Alas, I only remember the

Alas, I only remember the alphabet and a few....select words.

Thank you, HeavenLike. I AM

Thank you, HeavenLike. I AM taking meds. Finally found one that works. I don't want to think about where I'd be without it.

Itsallgood, I have a

Itsallgood, I have a therapist. EAP is good for only a few visits. Also, I wouldn't be able to completely open up to a stranger in that short of a time.

The folks from STalk are making me feel like I'm pulling on a soft, fuzzy, warm blanket on a cold night. {{{HUGS}}}

Will Fuzzy snuggle with Mr.

Will Fuzzy snuggle with Mr. P? He likes snuggling with kitties.

(((((hugs))))))

{{{HUGS}}}, Tuff. Please pass

{{{HUGS}}}, Tuff. Please pass the beer-cheese fondue.

Thank you, advice.only!!! I

Thank you, advice.only!!! I should not have stayed away from STalk. I'm feeling better than I have in days. {{{hugs}}}

(((HUGS))) I always tell

(((HUGS)))

I always tell people-we live in a society that thinks we should just be perpetually happy. We're not built for it. We get sad and mad and frustrated and we have anxiety and we feel worried and all of that is okay.

The one thing that makes being depressed more depressing is feeling guilty and stressed about being depressed. You are upset and it is okay to feel the way you are feeling. That doesn't mean that you should just curl up in ball and let it take over your life, you should do the best you can to take your mind of things and refocus but please be patient with yourself. Do the best you can with what you have and when you fall asleep just know that you did the best you could with the cards you were dealt for the day and don't stop trying.

Thanks, mommadukes. Focusing

Thanks, mommadukes. Focusing has been very difficult lately. Work takes it all out of me and then I'm (mentally) running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I need to get back to one of the things I do best to help me: make lists. {{{HUGS}}}

Aniki, a thousand hugs sent

Aniki, a thousand hugs sent your way. I'm so sorry you are in this dark place. Please see your doctor and please don't isolate yourself.

{{{{HUGS}}}} robin! I've been

{{{{HUGS}}}} robin! I've been to the doctor. Tests behind me and tests ahead of me. Sigh...

I agree with others. If you

I agree with others. If you can get a handle on your depression, you may start to feel better over all. Take care.

Thank you, bearcub. I'm

Thank you, bearcub. I'm trying!

Sending all my love. Thinking

Sending all my love. Thinking of you every single day.

Monchici, you are a living

Monchici, you are a living doll. xoxoxo

Aniki - you aren't alone as

Aniki - you aren't alone as far as struggling financially. I get it and it is so, so stressful. I also need a part time job but certainly don't have the energy for one.

As far as Mr. P... honey it is HARD to watch your baby feel under the weather. Watching our beloved pets (our babies) age is extremely traumatizing for a lot of people. Be easy on yourself. Breathe. Enjoy Mr. P. Breath some more.

I am seeing a new therapist and psychiatrist it has definitely helped some. Is this an option for you?

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay in the light, Aniki!

AJanie, you are so right! Mr.

AJanie, you are so right! Mr. P is my baby. There is nothing I wouldn't do to take care of my darling boy and make sure that he has the best care and treatment possible. I take care of him first. Mr. P gets outside time and dinner, then Mommy gets dinner. It really screws up peace of mind when my sweet boy is feeling cruddy.

I've seen the same therapist for many years. Thank goodness, because I'd hate to have to go through all of my past history with someone new!

Fighting to GET into the light, hon! xoxo

(((HUGS))) Thinking of you.

Thanks, zero!! {{{HUGS}}}

Seems silly...but lie in the

Seems silly...but lie in the grass and let the sun soak your soul

Can I throw down a blanket

Can I throw down a blanket first?

Maybe I'll go wading in Lake Superior this weekend...

Granny, The Black Dog and I

Granny,

The Black Dog and I have struggled mightily over the years. He's gone from nipping at my heels to sinking his teeth into my leg or arm. As long as I can keep him away from my juggler, I'm still treading water.

You are quite correct that stressing over Mr. P is taking a toll. A HUGE toll. I know he's, well, he's a grandpa in dog years. I know there is less time ahead with him than the years behinds us. But he's still my baby and I will continue to do everything I can to make sure my baby has the best care possible. He deserves nothing less. After all, he saved MY life twice. The very least I can do is show him the same bottomless love and devotion.

Thank you, Granny. <3 xoxoxo

P.S. Still praying for you and your sister.

You are here

OT - shaky, but holding on

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