LMFAO you're a tough cookie notasm3, dayum stone cold ice queen. It's just that DH was thrown off by the fact that she put it in his will... like... is that legally enforceable?

Okay, that makes sense. It's the weirdest thing. The title to the plot is not in her name. It's actually still in FIL's because his estate never got fully settled since he didn't have a will (I guess he thought he didn't need one because he didn't have anything at the end of his life... whatever small trinkets like his coin collection had been split among DH and BIL while he was still living), but BIL is the executor of his estate (as next of kin). So he has a lot of odds and ends... like this grave plot that... doesn't have a next owner.

Like DH had to sell a small piece of wetland his dad owned to the state (since it was protected, it couldn't be built on or anything) but even though they all (FIL, DH, and BIL) had a verbal agreement it was DH's (because he paid for the property tax while FIL was still alive), it was a long drawn out process since BIL was still the executor of FIL's estate, and BIL had to prove that because the land was still under FIL's name. All said and done, DH got $600.

So things like this keep popping up. Like MIL "helped" them go through their dad's things and then took a bunch of antique books without telling her sons until they saw them on her bookshelf... but she does stuff like that. Went to her sister's house after her sister died and took some stuff she believed "belonged" to her.

No, she has more than enough money to get her own plot. She got a LOT in retirement. Okay, so it's in BIL's name. Actually BIL is just the trustee for their dad's estate because their dad didn't write a will.

What happens if no one claims it? I mean BIL and DH won't use it (I guess unless one of them gets divorced and they don't get married again, then I can see them using it.) Does it just keep getting passed down as property?

Problem was, FIL didn't have a will, but he died with barely a penny to his name and lived with BIL and his wife. BIL is the executor of his estate though, since he was next of kin. On the deed, FIL is still... the owner.

She would most likely be buried in her family plot (her maiden name's family). DH will most likely be interred with me (if we remained married until death) as I have a place for my ashes given to me by my parents (they're Buddhist so there's a shrine where our family is placed at that's taken care of by monks). I don't know about BIL and his wife.

It's just the arguing that they're wringing their hands over. Like NOTHING they said has had an effect, even outright telling her they're not burying her there. She'll get pissed at them and a week later, bring up and say the same thing. She has it in her will that she will be buried there. It's not a question of "if", she honestly believes she's entitled to be there.

They've been telling her this ever since she brought it up--a year ago. I had the misfortune of having to sit in on not just one, but multiple of these conversations (holy shit so damn awkward) before I went low contact with her, but it's only recently that she said she's having it put into her will.

They've told her multiple times but the next time it gets brought up (always by her), it's the same thing. She says it as though it is a finality, that it is her place and her right, regardless of whose name is on it. I think had they been married it would be different because she would own the plot after he died.

Yeah, it's basically her last wish. But how do they reconcile her last wish with what would most likely be a wish of their dad's, which is that he would not want to be entombed forever with the woman who made his life hell for so many years.

My mom was more pragmatic. She shrugged and was like, they're both dead, not like their dad would know he's sleeping his eternal sleep next to his ex-wife. I can see her point. I mean, it IS less money since there already is a spot, but do they want to disrespect their dead father like that? I don't know. It's weird. No one knew if it was possible for her to legally do it. It's for their "father and wife" but does being once the wife count?

Wow okay, thank you for the information! BIL holds the deed because he's the executor of their dad's estate, and he's the one who arranged for their father's burial (I guess via the deed like you said.) Very unlikely she'll be able to convince BIL--he's adamant their father would not have wanted to.

It will likely be BIL unless MIL changes it. She's been trying to figure out how to pit DH and his brother against each other by dangling it in front of them. Any time either of them did something she doesn't like, she would ramp up the will conversations in order to keep them in line... up until DH got pissed and told her he didn't need it and to give it all to BIL for all he cares. Now she's all "what should I do with all the money once I die" and everyone (DH, BIL, his wife, me) is so sick of it that they keep telling her to spend it all while she's alive.

But legally she cannot enforce it anyway, which was my (and DH's) question... even if she was once his wife.

LMFAO someone else mentioned Brad Pitt's backyard which I wouldn't mind either.

I think what got everyone confused was that she was once married (so is the property considered communal since it was acquired before the actual divorce was finalized and does this mean she has a stake to it?) and now she's putting it in her will.