Regular SS21 Credit Card Payment Friday Meltdown - Trying to Avert

Seriously, I'm thinking my husband purposefully does this to piss me off.

It's Friday again and he's thrown another $100 at his kid's credit card. We're in the range of $300-$525/month lately. This would be no big deal if "we" had all sorts of liquid income. I say "we" because I have recently diverged myself from his credit cards (which were opened after he restored his credit by getting a credit card in my name "only for emergencies and to improve 'my' (his) credit") with my permission ex-post-facto. Then, as soon as his credit was decent again he opened four more cards all of which are maxed or close to being maxed. I used my pre-marriage (5y) savings to our "joint" credit card which were almost all his charges but paying interest on those was making me crazy. We have agreed to replenish that savings at a reasonable rate (which is so far holding up) but it could be replenished 33% faster if we still weren't giving the kid cash (plus the car we gave him, cell phone bills, etc.)

Two to four times a month he pays against the kid's (SS21) credit cards while interest is racking up at 20%+ on his own. And, the balances aren't light. Kid maxes out his credit card a week after DD makes a payment... rinse and repeat.

We made the agreement that we're now paying more into our joint (household) account for bills and the use of all credit cards has been HALTED with the exception of one credit card he uses for work expenses only and is ALMOST in the habit of paying off monthly (so no interest charges). I pay everything not "household" in cash/debit because credit card debt literally makes me sick.

Did I mention he has $100 in retirement savings at the age of 49? And, he's also paying college tuition bills when they come every month with the language (paraphrased) "we haven't received a payment from the principal borrower and as a co-signer you're given the option to pay before we hit your credit card report..." If he'd saved more than $20 for his kid's high priced college education it would be one thing but he saved nothing.

It's Th/F almost EVERY week the kid runs out of money and Daddy throws more at him. I know it's my problem that it throws me into a tail spin. I guess I should just understand it's never going to end.

Sucking up to the kid is more important than HIS credit card debt, savings, or retirement. He SAID this sh*t would end at 18. I truly thought at least it would end at 21. {Sigh}.

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Struggling, Clever... REALLY

Struggling, Clever... REALLY struggling. It's only been a month since we agreed on new terms (the extra money per month he was going to pay to replenish savings that paid off the credit cards that I am obligated to). Still doesn't mean he's much closer to saving for retirement or paying down his debt.

He was elusive about what he was giving to the kid but not a jerk about it. I feel like upping the anti- and changing the rules now (i.e. QUICK FREAKING SPENDING MONEY ON YOUR 21YO!!!) would be changing the rules after only a month.

And, even $500/month is $1500/m less than he was throwing at him a year ago at this time.

Oh yes... the "it takes time"

Oh yes... the "it takes time" ploy. Amusing that WE as steps aren't giving the luxury of anything "taking time". We're supposed to "snap to it" in tolerating abominable behavior, reckless spending, name calling, etc. but everyone else "takes time".

No bueno.

Thanks, Rosalu... since I

Thanks, Rosalu... since I realized how this mess looked (many months after this debt started getting racked up) I've taken several steps:

1) Pulled him from being able to use any credit with my name on it
2) Paid off all credit cards with my name on them as to not accrue any more interest (I've done this twice before without pulling his name from them because I took his word that he wouldn't use them)... now he CAN'T use them
3) Pulled MY name from the credit cards he opened later and added me to (diversion tactic, pretty sure)... though I never used any of them except on the rare occasion I left my bank card at home from having it in my pocket/jacket/etc. from the day/night before and paid off inside of 48 hours LONG before interest was being accrued
4) I pay MY savings account (before it used to be a joint account until I realized it was slowly getting *spent* in shit like overdrafts, etc.) before I pay anything else... that's just my way of knowing I'm taking care of me... since, financially, certainly no one else is

Unless stupidity (either in marrying some chick who has regularly been on public assistance... hey, everyone needs some help sometimes but a dozen years??? or just being REALLY bad with money) there's no catastrophe here. That being said, I'm not personally, naturally great with money but I've LEARNED because it's a fact of life and you just have to deal with making your life financially secure... it's not an option to healthy living.

You make a very good point on the plan that has to be made. And, I'm going to insist on it now. We won't live 50/50 (never have... I make 220% of the money he does though his paycheck isn't shabby). To date, every financial planner we have seen says "your kid has 30 more wage earning years than you do... cut that shit out paying for him". Then my husband looks at me like I'm suggesting we throw the family dog into freeway traffic and refuses to go back.

It's no longer an option.

Thanks, everyone, for your support. I love being able to share my reality with you without judgement.

I hear ya, itsallgood! I went

I hear ya, itsallgood! I went to college on a free ride because we weren't rich. I ran up some credit card debt when I was in my early years of college (those guys hanging out on campus handing out credit cards when we *should* know better but mostly don't) so I am vehemently opposed to credit card debt. I have a few but they are paid literally the second I get home if not before because they can get away from you REALLY quick.

Holding two jobs in school I took a week off to move (several hundred miles away that my new company paid for) in between graduation and my first day of work. That was with multiple offers. My parents had laid out the rules years before "we can't afford it, so make good grades" and I did.

With one exception where I got into trouble on a mortgage that had literally changed by pennies per month but I hadn't been watching it (my bad) and I was traveling extensively for work and wasn't getting mail timely and borrowed money from my Dad (with permission of his wife, my SM) I haven't taken a penny and would be ridiculously embarrassed to ask for money.

Everything that can be split off that can be. And, DH is just not realizing that once he pays the way he has been paying for the kid he has almost NOTHING left for anything he wants (Starbucks, lunch that he doesn't pack at home, his much-loved bottle of scotch a couple times a month).

Choices to be made, my dear!

Thanks, all, again, for your support!

To clarify... "BORROWED" ==

To clarify... "BORROWED" == with a set out repayment plan before the money is doled out. And, I knew though I hope to never be in that position again, if I defaulted on the agreement it would never EVER be an option again for not keeping my word and paying it back like I said I would.

The difference (though slight) that I see in these scenarios is that my Dad (and admittedly in large part to my SM who is the financial brains of their households) saved for "rainy days", incidentals at college (which I can't remember ever taking advantage of... I just took more hours at work), etc. while my husband didn't save more than a couple hundred dollars for his son's education (which is well over $72,000 in cash and school loans both of which my husband is responsible for and as his wife I am responsible for regardless of the fact that I was given no voice in the matter until it was done).

Don't get me started on the BM who has financed two European vacations for the kid inside the last two years but can't contribute a penny to said kid's education. But she buys him nice Christmas and Birthday gifts!

So have you thought about

So have you thought about what your retirement will look like?

If you are saving and he isn't, who are you going to spend your golden years with while he's still working?

I want to travel, sight see, golf and a bunch of other things. I want to do them with DH!
When we met, DH had no savings, he made great money and spent it freely. It wasn't until I pointed out that I'd be hanging out with the sexy young golf pro while he was still working that he started saving for retirement.