Avoiding the in-laws today
MIL and SIL (and little niece who I actually adore) are driving through our state. First it was that they were going to stay the night, then they were just going to stop through so they could rest then it was that they were going to meet for lunch.
DH invites skids to meet up. I know that OSD responded back that yes she was planning on going. (DH has not seen OSD in close to a year and OSD hasn't seen MIL and SIL in over 6 years, not that it matters... just putting it out there).
So DH sends me a text that they are meeting at Magic Fun Center at 2:30pm. I respond back that I have a training and can't leave work early. (True). Later he tells me that they are now coming at 4:30. This is the time I get home from work.
I send DH a text that I have things to do after work and to tell them hi. He responds back "... ok...."
#1- I am feeling salty towards MIL and SIL (and other SILs). I really do like SIL (MIL has never done anything to me but I think she is a shitty mom so I don't really care for her) but I feel the fact that they are "friends" with BM on FB given how awful she treats us (and they have to be somewhat aware of it) I just feel disappointed in it. It didn't bother me as much before but since BM has amped up her crazy (CS is ending soon) and since the texts now consist of wishing DH dead... I am just fed up and disgusted that they have an "online" relationship with her. None of them live in our state, so I don't have to deal with them very often thankfully but I have cut back on my correspondence with them. I am "distant" to them.
#2- I have ZERO desire to be around OSD. Like I'd rather eat a raw egg, followed by drinking a cup of hot sauce and then chew on glass then be around OSD.
So I am skipping out on the little visitation...
DH was smart in not inviting them to our house. Though I do feel a little bad. I do not have a problem obviously with MIL and SIL being at the house but I do not want OSD in the house. I'm glad that DH knows that. If he has invited them all over, I would have sucked it up. But since he didn't I am not going to make the offer.
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Comments
Just a thought, but why don't
Just a thought, but why don't you go and show MIL and SIL the texts from BM where she wishes DH dead. Seriously.
Personally I would show them just so they understand what you are dealing with. If they are all cozy with BM then I am sure they are not hearing
your side of the story or the REAL version of thin
If they were staying the
If they were staying the night and there was more time I would bring it up. But I feel like bringing this up isn't really the best when they are just driving through. Not to mention that OSD (and maybe other skids) will be there and it could turn into something bigger.
Make sense?
I totally understand. I can
I totally understand. I can see not wanting to bring up the topic with OSD there. But considering the horrible nature of the texts from BM, I would maybe have a phone conversation or at least sent a copy of the texts to MIL and SIL
I, for one, enjoy eating raw
I, for one, enjoy eating raw eggs but I get you. I wouldn't want to go either. Don't feel bad--I'm sort of like that too. BIL and his wife and MIL are all friends with BM and while I like BIL and his wife very much, I will never truly trust them. I get they're doing it for a relationship with SS but considering what super crazy BM put us through, I would just rather put a lot of distance between us so I don't have to deal with it.
MIL on the other hand, I don't have a good relationship with. I can think of multiple things including digging for belly button lint that I'd rather be doing than having visitation with her.
SIL coming to visit for YSD
SIL coming to visit for YSD graduation has not happened yet. There were other alternatives such as the camping trip. Initially that was something we were going to do, but there hasn't been talk about it recently and I don't think we are going to follow through with it because we have other things going on.
Overall I didn't care if SIL came to visit. I just didn't think it was a smart trip for her to make to attend a graduation ceremony for 1 hour with a newborn and a 3 year old. And yes I am being selfish in that it would be a pain in the ass for her to come and bring her kids over the holiday weekend when we have get togethers with our friends or are doing stuff around the house. Her sole purpose of coming is for YSD, so I felt like, why do I have to be put out (because it would be me who is put out) so that SIL can visit YSD. I'm sure my feelings would be different if I cared more about YSD but I don't...
DH has 4 sisters and a mother and 3 daughters. Most of them have drama, court cases, high conflict, no one can keep a schedule, plan ahead, etc. It is EXTREMELY frustrating that it's ALWAYS SOMETHING. Nothing is simple with them, so yeah I do get very anxious and stressed with the thought of them coming to visit.
As for last night, I just wasn't in the mood to deal with OSD. I didn't feel the need to meet up and fake it for 2 hours. Call me selfish but I have a lot going on right now.
I don't think DH really cared if I came or not. Honestly I think OSD and I would have been super uncomfortable around each other and would have probably made everyone else uncomfortable. I feel like I did the right thing with not going.
I have never stood in the way of DH being around his family. He knows that MSD and OSD can't be in the house because of their history with stealing and other issues. This potential visit with SIL is the only time that I have really wanted to push back on her coming and I haven't even expressed that to DH.
I definitely feel frustrated with the females in DH's life. It may be me. But I feel like they are just very difficult and make things difficult for me. I am Type A so I think that is where a lot of the frustration comes in.
I will take what you say though and try to consider DH's feelings more. He is good to my family (but they are good to him and don't make things complicated for him)so I want to do the same. Overall I really don't mind when his family visit. I enjoy seeing them.
I will try to let go of the whole "friends with BM thing" but it does hurt my feelings. It's like your best friend being cool with your enemy. It's not like BM is a nice person... or even a decent person... then it would be different. But it really isn't a hill to die on. Again, my feelings on this I have only expressed to fellow SMs and not to them or DH directly.
And I can be "my way or the highway" with DH. I feel like dealing with all of his baggage in some ways allows me to be that way. But maybe I need to think about it differently.
Zero - you evil evil woman, I
Zero - you evil evil woman, I would've gone to the meeting and getting wasted lol.... it means they will not come to the house
but I do get why you did not go, these people have changed and chopped their plans so much, I would be dizzy trying to get together with them.... and after work I like winding down for an hour....
but then again, I'm a cow, I would've gone, OSD there or not and I would've told them exactly what BM text, I mean the truth is the truth... get it out in the open... and say - this is why OSD is not welcome at my house anymore..