Insurance Question
I need to meet with an estate planner. My issue is basically how do I ensure that the BM profits in no way in the event of my death thru my stepdaughter. I own my home and have an accidental death policy and a life insurance policy. In the event I pass before him how do I keep the lazy trifling BM from benefiting after he passes. On my phone sorry for any typos.
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I wish I had advice. That is
I wish I had advice. That is what keeps me from marrying until SD is 18.
I did set up a certain amount for DSO if I pass before him and the rest go to my bios. I have owned my house since 1989 so I don't have to worry on that end, it goes to my kids. If I eventually sell my home and we buy one together, I realize that it would be split with all of our kids (with my kids getting something from the sale of my house).
If you leave your assets to your DH, then there is that risk of it passing to BM thru the skid(s) when he passes.
My stepdaughter is 17 and
My stepdaughter is 17 and even as an adult I fear will allow her lazy mother to benefit. I doubt the BM will have much in retirement funds except for social security and will barely get that as she hardly works or works off the books. She and I are both early 50's. I want to make sure he'said taken care of but not if it benefits her.
This is exactly what I'm
This is exactly what I'm looking for a trust.
non legal advise 
Thank you for the
Draw up a will. Make it
Draw up a will. Make it clear what should happen if you pass. If your DH is alive when you pass I believe he would be entitled to the money and assets.
This comment is for HRNYC on
This comment is for HRNYC on my phone not sure why my comments aren'the showing up as replies to her ridiculous arguments. This nut job just has to take the opposite view point for shits and giggles again it needs a hobby or a life.
You sound absolutely
You sound absolutely ridiculous my assets should benefit only who I want them to benefit. What part of that is an issue for you. I've been a lurker for a few years and have never seen anyone advocating that anyones asset benefit there significant others ex. You need a hobby.
cocktail again it just says
cocktail again it just says ridiculous things to just be contrary, a interesting hobby has to be more satisfying
Nail meet head. Chef was
Nail meet head. Chef was absolutely impoverished by the divorce ( he never got an attorney despite everyone's advice). Went to lopsided pro BM mediation, then BM went out and got a pit bull attorney to further sodomize Chef with a 12-foot beam sideways. Chef was left with all the marital debt as the BM was a stay in bed mom.
Chef also volunteered to overpay his CS. To add insult to injury, he signed over the marital home to the BM and she sold it keeping all the proceeds.
Chef came to me with literally the shirt on his back only. There's no way I would marry Chef before the very last skid is 21. Although this means a financial hit because Chef cannot get on my very good health insurance policy and has to pay the Obamacare fine for not having insurance.
Yeah. What I don't get is
Yeah.
What I don't get is why so many people don't seem to understand that they already *got* a lot of their inheritance in the divorce. When my DH divorced, he was so ready to leave that he just rolled over and let BM have everything. She got the house, he kept all the debt. Then, he paid CS for years that was over what was required, and we've done lots of extras.
It's not my fault that BM isn't a saver. DH's money and assets have already gone to his kids in many ways. The money that I've brought into the relationship and the life I've helped him build? I intend on benefiting from that.
Wow you're like a dog with a
Wow you're like a dog with a bone let it go lol, your reposting of the same argumentative nonsense really gets old. I have been reading steptalk daily for years and since you seem to have neither hobbies or a life do me a favor and point me to the blogs/posts where people as in more than one person has advocated a husband leaving his assets to his stepkids. Most people may not think past how their assets can benefit their spouse after they are gone or may not care what happens but I do.
I think you're confusing
I think you're confusing money/assets brought into a relationship vs. assets built up during the marriage. Every situation is different.
In my case, DH is leaving me everything if he dies first bc he came into the marriage with nothing but about 70K in CS debt, which we are now about a year away from being done with. Hooray!
Everything we own, we have bought, built, and maintained together. Often with my income being the higher of the two.
So...yes. In my situation I don't feel guilty at all for being the recipient of all of our joint assets should DH pass away before me...which is likely since he's 10 years older. My hard work and money management skills helped grow our assets. BM, on the other hand, is terrible with money and is always on the brink of financial disaster, even though she makes more than DH currently.
I think people who say SM should inherit everything are more thinking of situations like this. The assumption that kids should inherit before SM in a household where SM has built and maintained assets for years is patently absurd...but we see it far too often. And if a woman insists on keeping what is hers...she's somehow greedy, evil, horrible...a gold-digger stealing from her stepkids. Um. I think my skids would be surprised to learn that there was very little gold there when I found their Daddddeeeeeee.
As of right now my assets
As of right now my assets were accumulated by my own hard work. He and BM had other priorities, his priorities have changed since meeting me hers have not. Either way I would like him and my bios to benefit. This is my first step situation relationship and it's not natural and it sucks.
My response was to HRNYC who,
My response was to HRNYC who, as usual, is beating her "all of you horrible SMs have so many double standards!!!!" drum.
I think that SMs who say they should inherit are generally thinking of marital assets, which I think is more than fair.
My situation is very like yours. DH would in no way be where he is right now without me...so I don't intend to give 1/2 or 1/3 of everything we've built to skids if he passes away first. I don't have kids...so he wouldn't be expected to share with anyone if I passed away. He's actually the one who pointed this out when we redid our wills recently. He doesn't expect me to buy his kids out of the house/estate that I helped pay for and maintain for so many years. I get everything, he trusts me to take care of his kids should they need it. He also doesn't believe that kids should expect huge inheritances from their parents, so he's not to worried about it, in general.
Yes I'm perfectly ok with
Yes I'm perfectly ok with that. You care so much about trifling lazy people why don't you add her as your beneficary.
FYI I have no problem leaving
FYI I have no problem leaving my assets to my husband just not his lazy trifling BM. In what world do you think it's ok for the things I worked to go or benefit someone who sits on their way ass doing nothing. I can give you her info and you can add her to your will. Since you care so much!!!
hrcny My reply below was
hrcny My reply below was directed at your ridiculous comments. Let me know and I'll PM you her info.
Totally a trust. You can look
Totally a trust. You can look out for DH but ensure nothing of yours goes to BM either when he is still alive or after he passes. He can do the same with his assets, if he chooses (ensure they go to SD and not to BM)
Sue2 my husband nor I care if
Sue2 my husband nor I care if his daughter benefits but the daughter would allow her mother to benefit and that is what I'm trying to avoid. While my husband is alive he would not allow that to happen but after he's gone of course he'd have no control.
sue2 Really not trying to
sue2 Really not trying to control the world just what I earned and worked hard for. Your example has nothing to do with what I'm concerned about. If not for my DH I would not know this woman unlike my ex DH who I'm not a huge fan of but I don't have the same concerns about when leaving some of my assets to my children. Apples and pumpkins not even close.
I have a hard time with
I have a hard time with prenups and postnups. I would never, ever sign one because I'd never sell myself to a man like that. So, I have a hard time expecting my husband to sign one to sell himself to me.
I don't consider a prenup selling by or to anyone. I wouldn't have remarried without one.
My first husband died. There is no way his retirement accounts and funds we saved together, if not depleted by me, are going to anyone but my/his children. Second husband is and was fine with this and signed off in prenup and on the individual accounts.
Second husband's ex died after their divorce (and before I met him). Skids got whatever funds she had. And will have whatever individual funds their dad has on his demise. I am fine with this and signed off.
Now anything we save or acquire after this marriage goes the spouse. If anything of this is left after the spouse dies it is divided amongst all children, bios and skids.
Payable on death account set
Payable on death account set ups work great. However, some retirement accounts are covered by federal rules that require the current spouse to be the beneficiary unless the current spouse signs off. On this type of account you cannot leave it to a child of the first, or any, marriage unless the current spouse signs and acknowledges he or she is aware that he or she is not the beneficiary.
Prenup just recognise that you intend to do this and are a backup to the signed acknowledgment if any child tries to contest.
No one has to have a prenup. Everyone's situation is different.
Thank you notarelative, my
Thank you notarelative, my husband is completely aware of my feeling and does not have a problem with it. I have no idea how anyone is selling theirself if he had a problem I'd look at him differently.
hrcny Wow finally some actual
hrcny Wow finally some actual useful info.
sue2 I had my house before I
sue2 I had my house before I met him he is not on deed or mortgage,
but I will definitely make sure he can live in it as long as he wants but ultimately it will go to my children after he passes. If he wants a house to leave to his daughter he can buy one just like I did. I will definitely check the laws in my state.
heavenlike the difference is
heavenlike the difference is a divorce is a choice death is not so yes I would want him to have the use of my assets. He completely understands and has no problems with my concerns regarding his BM benefiting and he would not be OK his daughter enabling her.
Thank you all for your very
Thank you all for your very useful suggestions I will bring them all up with my estate planner and proceed with what allows my to accomplish my wishes.
A lot of BMs are enmeshed
A lot of BMs are enmeshed with their kids so if DH gets something and gives it to adult skid, the BM will smell it and wrest some of it away from adult skid.
SM-->DH-->skid-->BM
Honestly, the only way to
Honestly, the only way to keep money away from other people after you die is to spend it while you're alive.
My Moms will allows my SF to stay in the house as long as he wants or is able. If he sells or moves into a home, the proceeds from the house are 1/4 to him and 1/4 to each of us kids. I guess his kids will get that 1/4 if he doesn't spend it.
If he dies while still in the house it's split between us kids, 1/3 each. His kids get nothing from the house which was hers and paid off before they married.
I'm on her personal accounts jointly and will distribute that money equally, if there's any left. She's doing her best traveling and enjoying life to use it up.
The joint account with DH will be his to do what he wants with it but it's just really used for household funds. He also has a personal account, I'm guessing his kids will get that.