Everything that my SD knew about the divorce came from BM, which were lies. And she started in right away, when SD was very young.

All those years, SD believed that DH had cheated on BM. SD never said anything to DH until she was 15 and mad about something, we had no idea what was going on in her head until then. DH finally told her that HE was not the one who cheated and he left it at that.

Honestly, I don't know that it's made a difference. SD25 still seems to blame DH for everything and has quite a few "false" memories that she stubbornly clings to. She is very dependent on BM, which I'm sure has something to do with it. I don't think she wants to see the truth about her mother, even though she knows it, has seen it with her own eyes.

So, there's a lot that DH has not told her because he figures, "Why?". She will just repeat it to BM, who will deny and twist the facts, and it will just be used against him, anyway.

That was her college essay topic? She's a lucky little girl if her parent's divorce is the most difficult thing she's ever encountered.
Your husband sounds like a gentleman and that's commendable that he didn't tell the kids their mother is/was a whore. My kids are little bitty but they have a basic understanding of why I'm not with their father. I didn't want them to have any false hopes that their father and I were going to reconcile. They know their father hurt me (they saw it many times) and that we don't tolerate abuse. And that if you're being abused, the person is not your friend and you get away and you tell someone.

Kids should know the truth once they are grown. Especially if they are asking. I don't believe in keeping things from family members.

I plan on telling my kids if and when they ask. And they have asked. We split up when I was pregnant with my now 7 year old. I'm sure she is going to want to know. But I want them to be strong, independent women. They see that their father and I coparent and get along most excellently. He lives up the street from me with their new wife. They have no doubt that they are very much loved by both their parents and that we work together for their benefit. But I want them to know, it's okay to leave a partner if you aren't being treated well. I don't want them to put up with cheaters! I want them to respect and love themselves to not put up with that. So when they ask, I'll say, "yes your father had a married mistress for our entire marriage and when I found out, even thought I was pregnant, it was over. That kind of bad behavior is not to be stood for. I deserve and you deserve a loving, faithful partner and I'm not going to accept anything less. I'll be alone and that's okay too! But I very much believe that fathers and mothers should have equal parenting rights and responsibilities so I put aside my anger and we work together to raise you

I think DH plans to tell the SDs, IF they ask, more about what happened with BM when they are older (i.e. after age 18). Most of the truth is he has no idea - she never told him why she kicked him out. He came back from a business trip and the locks had been changed. I suspect they hadn't been getting along well, but she's also a classic passive-aggressive and doesn't communicate well at all (the SDs complain about this too).

She did a lot of very nasty things during the divorce that effected where he lived, his job, his mental stability, really awful (I've read the court documents). He was just totally overwhelmed by the court system and had a hard time defending himself - i.e. classic BM slanted system where everything she said was true unless he could disprove it. So he was guilty w/out trial.
She also kept the SDs from him for a good year. SD13 remembers much of this and not understanding so she's naturally the one asking the questions...all she knows now is that BM and DH didn't get along any longer as husband/wife.

My mom told me as a young teenager. My father cheated on her and beat her, not regularly, once or twice, but she ended up in the ER. I didn't see my dad much after the divorce when I was 3 until I was 12. We lived about 800 miles apart during that time. From age 12 until now I've seen my dad pretty regularly, but we are not close. Not because of my mother telling me the truth though, but because of who he is, not a very involved, loving father, to me anyway. Him and my brother are fairly close, as much as they can be anyway considering their similar personalities that make them both be distant and enjoy more superficial relationships.

I have told my BD12 when she asked that her father and I are not together because we are happier apart, which is most of the truth. No abuse or cheating, we just weren't meant to be together. He was more like my best friend than a lover/husband that I wanted to spend my life with. I have not told her that we split up because he asked me to marry him and I had to say no.

DH ex cheated on him but that wasn't the cause of divorce, they just fought constantly. He didn't really know about the cheating until later, he still seems to be unsure if she did but I'm certain it happened. I don't think SS7 has asked yet and not sure what DH will say.

I believe kids should be told the truth though, at an age appropriate level.

BioHo's actions have proved time and time again why DH divorced her - she's a cheating HO! C'mon. She has 5 children by 4 men.

After 'Ho and DH split, she paraded 22 men in and out of her place in the space of 24 months - sometimes one moving out in the morning and another moving in that afternoon. YES, her 5 children all lived with her (4 still do).

BioHo is a hot-tempered ho-in' drunk who treats her kids like servants: the oldest child in the house has always been responsible for the younger ones. Once you get your license (and you're the oldest in the house), you are now the chief chauffeur. The older children have ALWAYS resented this when it's their "turn". And this is why PrincASS17 refuses to get his driver's license.

DH is a rock. He's steady, even-tempered, responsible, and dependable. After they split, he dated, but the skids never met anyone until DH and I got together. And it was almost a year (by mutual decision) before the skids met ME.

The older the skids get, the more they realize what a seething volcano of crazy BioHo is and how solid DH is.

Marital relationships are private. Both Mom and Dad have their sides interest at heart. Ask Dad, his answer will be different from Mom's. Its not wrong, it just is that way.

My parents divorced when I was an adult. Although we have an idea why, neither of them told us kids. NEVER in a million years would we have the nerve to ask our parents. It was and still is none of our business.

They were a wonderful example to us post divorce, not bad mouthing each other or one Upping. Both a class act until the end. It made our lives so much easier.

My kids have not asked me why I divorced their dad (my xdh) and here again this apple does not fall far from the tree.

No doubt my dh, my x and I are from the old school of thinking by todays standards. Parent elevating their kids to the level of their parents starting at a young age. They have it all wrong.

JMO

***IF one parent is a crack head, drunk, etc yes of course the child should know. I strongly disagree with family courts strong suggestion NOT to tell a child anything about a parent. YES your mom is a crack head and NO we don't want you near her. IF in fact it is true.***

I, unfortunately knew all of my parents short comings for their divorce from a young age. There was cheating involved from both ends but only after my Dad had done it for years and years. I don't feel they should have told us anything, but they did. Maybe years later would have worked but I knew by age 10.

A really good friend of mine from when I was young, had this happen to her, when her Dad suddenly left her Mom and it was quite devastating. I was always with her so it was a big deal to me as well. They were living in tents behind their Mom's friends home. At the time, he was accused of being an evil jerk, etc. Well about 5 years ago he finally told the truth; their Mom had a severe gambling problem and almost lost their home. We were stunned. I had always looked at him poorly but in reality it was her Mother's fault. I have a new found outlook on him today.

My DH"s ex cheated on him which led to the end of their marriage. My step daughter doesn't know a single thing about it because he will never tell. I do feel DH is somewhat blames too because his ex is always claiming HE is the one who left. It's frustrating to watch but I know it's the right thing for him to do.

Based on finding out about my friend's Dad, I think when at an age they can handle it, they SHOULD know.

WOW 2badsosad, just goes to show you more often than not, the person who cries the loudest usually is crying wolf.

Sometimes my gender makes me sick. BM's that lie for the sake of using their own kids are by far the worse creatures on earth.

DH's ex told adult SDs that she divorced their dad so she can be free and do what she wants. In our understanding that largely consists of phone sex and sleeping with who she wants to ( currently her pot dealers on and off ) as when they were married, DH disapproved of both activities lol lol DH can't think of anything else she wanted to be able to do because DH didn't object to anything else.

SDs were laughing that mom said she wanted to do what she wanted, she pretty much did what she wanted while married.

My DD knows that her dad and I were just never a good match and were better off co parenting rather than being married. And it's total true. We co parented very well, but as spouses we just didn't match

Kids aren't stupid and know far more than people realize. I knew my mother was having an affair at 13 and I was the only person who knew at time. And oh how I held it against her!

Both skids knew bm was involved with another man for more than a year before dh discovered it. One seems far more damaged by this than the other, even 10 years later.