Six years is a long time to play helpless victim waiting for a man to defend you.

It's hard to give any meaningful advice when so little is given to represent the situation. Your husband is correct in that he can't control another adult. However he and you, both, can control what happens in your home. If this adult SD is freely coming and going to your home and treating you rudely with zero respect for your, you yank the welcome mat. Why keep subjecting yourself to who won't behave in your home?

By doing so, you're not necessarily demanding your DH cut her off and also have absolutely no relationship with his daughter. You just make clear you'll have no part of it nor will the woman be crossing your doorway. You'd not be asking your DH to choose between having a wife or having a daughter. He'd be free to visit with his daughter outside your home on occasions that don't interfere with your marriage and your planned activities as a couple. Example, he invites her to lunch outside your home on a day and time that works for both DH and you.

If you're instead going to come back and tell us, but he demands she be invited to dinner in our home and to drop in any time she wants to...then both DH and SD are being disrespectful to you and well, you're unhappy about it , but you're tolerating it. This would fall under as to what Sue (above) is saying. The behavior will continue as long as you accept it. You can't control other people, but you definitely can control how you accept/not accept and react to it. Why would you socialize with someone who treats you poorly? Whining to DH about his obnoxious daughter after the fact is getting you nowhere and yes, is naturally hurtful to your feelings and sense of important in your marriage.

So the question really comes down to , as offensive as it sounds, stand up for yourself (take steps of action) or shut up. That's not meant in an insulting way. It's reality. You're been tolerating/accepting and sitting there for six years now, just waiting for DH to do something. Time to take care of yourself, time for you to take control of what's happening to you. Enough is enough, you're a victim of your own tolerance and acceptance in an area you have the power to put a stop to. What are you waiting for?

then you might well just shut up.
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What the actual ****? You know, you used to give decent advice. Sometimes a little too condescending for my taste but still decent. But now, you seem to have this new thing of being extremely nasty. Why on earth would you even come here if you are just going to tell people to shut up about their problems?

OP…what does SD do to you? And were you the other woman? My thoughts will be different based on the answers to these questions. There is just not enough info to give thoughts on your situation.

Stand up for yourself, to both of them.

Honestly, I don't understand men, fathers, who are afraid of their own kids. I could never be with a man like that.

My dad would put me in my place in a heartbeat if I acted like some of these little bitches. I may be a grown ass woman but he is still my DAD. In fact, I probably show him more respect now than I did when I was younger (I could be be pretty sassy).

My own SD25 would never, ever, pull this crap, she knows better. For one, she was raised to respect adults, and now that she is one, she still knows her place. And it's not in front of me.

I don't disrespect his daughter, either, but if she gave me cause, my DH would not have a problem with me standing up for myself. If he did, then WE would have a problem.

I think there are deeper issues in these father/daughter relationships if the men really "fear" losing their relationship with them.

I didn't take offense to Sueu2's post. I took it to me put up or shut up. Constant complaining only causes frustration for both parties. She either needs to do something about it or let it go.