Is she EFFING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW??
So, for those of you that live in states that have mediation, you will understand....
So the ONLY change that was made in the mediation paperwork was that BM had to complete rehab before EITHER PARTY can request mediation again. (not to mention the judge would have to sign off on any custody anyway).
For those that don't have mediation in their county, it is intended to be a way to get the parents to agree without going to court. So.... BM won't sign it. She wants to take it back to court to have the judge ORDER that SS HAS to have some kind of visitation with her.
Why can't she just make this as easy as possible on SS? She is going to force him to have to go tell the judge that he doesn't want to see his mom. Maybe that's what needs to happen. But it just sucks. It's not necessary. And I don't even know if they will allow a court date for this petty crap.
- BSgoinon's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
SS has told her. Multiple
SS has told her. Multiple times. That's what I don't get. He has made it PAINFULLY clear that this is how he wants it for now. We even added in there in court that she COULD see him, with her dad, she has not made ONE SINGLE EFFORT to do so. NOT AT ALL. Her dad didn't even know that was in place until WE told him last week.
I just hate all the back and forth. It is such a waste of time. She couldn't even bother to get herself to mediation, but she won't sign it?? Effing stupid.
We didn't know either. She
We didn't know either. She mentioned it during "mediation" (over the phone) that he had told her he wanted his dad to have full custody and he wasn't ready to see her without his gpa with them. And that he wanted her to go to rehab. Which is EXACTLY what we had in place.
We don't have an attorney. We
We don't have an attorney. We have never needed one. It's gonna be fine. I talked to SS about it last night. He said "why is she being so difficult, I told her this is what I wanted".
I don't know about your
I don't know about your state, but here all mediation notes were tossed when they didn't agree. DH wasn't even allowed to bring up in court that BM had agreed to things in mediation that she was contesting in front of the judge.
Yeah it does suck for SS,
Yeah it does suck for SS, it's a lot to go through and deal with as a kid. You said he has told her, but she doesn't listen. She probably thinks he is only saying it because you make him. But it's not in his best interest to see her, and seeing that she won't do rehab and won't follow any orders, why would this be any different? We are in the same situation, meth-mom calls and tells DH "she has every right to talk to her baby, she don't need courts to tell her she can't, it's her right". :sick:
My guess is she wants to appear like she is doing anything and everything to see him, even if she isn't. Druggers don't follow rules, and don't see reality.
So because she won't sign, is
So because she won't sign, is she responsible for asking for a court date?
She asked for mediation but did she set everything up or did DH do it to appease her, also knowing it would look good for him in a court setting? Then she didn't even show up, the same thing could happen with court.
How easy is it for her to go back to court and until you go to court can DH follow the mediators recommendations without penalty from the courts?
I know it's difficult to live with but she doesn't seem to follow through on anything. She makes threats and whines and complains but if it was left entirely up to her would she actually get it together enough to go back to court?
Until the day actually comes that BM is in court and SS has to talk to the judge, I wouldn't worry about it. That day might never come.
Yes she is responsible for
Yes she is responsible for requesting a court date. We are just leaving it alone. If we get a summons, we will appear
DH did it to appease the court. He doesn't want to appear to be unwilling to allow SS to have a relationship with her
I am not sure how easy it will be for her. I assume not very since she tried to sneak in the back door, so to speak, and get mediation to force SS to see her
DH doesn't think she will get it together enough to go back to court. I am not so confident though. She is pretty stubborn. Stupid, but stubborn.
That being the case, I would
That being the case, I would just let it go and deal with it when and if it happens.
No sense getting yourselves and SS all upset and tied up in knots over something that might never happen. That's a recipe for anxiety.
It was good that DH did the mediation, as you said it will appease the court. He's doing everything right and she's doing everything wrong, hopefully the court sees that.
I have to say that this whole situation is just so sad. SS sounds like a great kid and as messed up as BM is, I feel like she loves her son, she is just unable to pull herself and her life together enough to be a Mom. Honestly, from everything you've written, even if she got herself clean she just isn't capable of being a Mom and taking responsibility for herself and her child.
Notsobad, that's the plan.
Notsobad, that's the plan. We are leaving it alone. If we get a petition to appear then so be it. We will go. But I don't think she will take it that far since she hasn't even given rehab a chance at all.
It is really sad. She does love SS,she just loves her life more. I will not pretend to understand her addiction. I don't. I've never dealt with an addict, I've never had an addiction. I don't understand it AT ALL. What I do know, is that it has a serious hold on her, and she will never be the same.
She has never been able to take responsibility for herself nor SS. She spent time with him before, but she was never actually RESPONSIBLE for him. It has always been me, and DH. That is just who she is at the core.
The SS will probably be able
The SS will probably be able to talk to the judge privately so it's not in front of BM if SS is worried about saying it in front of her.
More than likely, you are
More than likely, you are right. I hate putting him through even that much. I can't imagine.
His first question was "I have to go to court against my mom?". And sadly, he was willing to do so, he just wanted clarification of what to expect. We told him NO, DAD has to go to court with your mom, the judge will probably want to talk to you alone though, so he knows we aren't telling you to say certain things.
She is so stupid. All she's
She is so stupid. All she's doing, is further alienating her own son from her. He's going to hate her someday and it will be HER doing.
She thinks she's trying to prove to him how much he means to her and how much she wants to see him, when she has already proven the opposite. He knows what's important to her, drugs and men.
Sorry you have to go through this bullsh!t.
Mediation is a joke
Mediation is a joke especially with mentally unhealthy and unstable person/s.
DOES NOT WORK, will not ever work.
Now in all fairness it does work with two healthy parents. My x and I had mediation. We split the cost and it lasted 1hour---
DONE deal 50 50 no child support, batta bing batta boom.
If she files papers DH should
If she files papers DH should respond and counter that 1. she has not done what was ordered by the court, 2) she forced mediation, despite not doing rehab or trying to see DS with her father and did not show up and 3) as a result, DH is now asking that she be sanctioned- she can no longer petition the court for anything, or demand mediation until such a time as she has completed, rehab, has tested negative for drugs for a period of 2 years, then has supervised visitation for a period of at least one year and only if, at that time DS agrees and wants to see her,and 4) is now ordered to pay all of your court and mediation fees.
Seriously, go for all of the above, you will get it and she will then go away.
SO had mediation. He has to
SO had mediation. He has to go again because nothing was resolved.
Judge won't even look at the case until they try mediation. They did try, nothing happened, but lawyers want to continue with mediation because they ran out of time during their first mediation and they are making progress.......
There was no progress other than SO increasing his offer, twice! Even the mediator said his offers were more than generous!
Almost every counter offer made by BM was equal to or greater than her previous offer. All she did was change each number for each item she requested money for, but the total never went down from her original demands.
I know this will end up in court, so to spend the time and money on a second mediation date is a waste. This is a closed mediation as well, so anything that was said or offered can not be used in court. Thousands of dollars are already spent on this bull crap!