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Suggestions: MIA SD-30 & SO thinks she died ...

Indigo's picture

SD-30 has not been responding to text or calls for the last month or so. She is in a different state. She had a car, but no job. SO sent her $ to get her phone turned on and so that she could eat since she had been living in her car.

SO spoke to her at a new number the next day & she reportedly was now crashing with a friend. The new number has no voice mail set up. All calls from her children (SGD-13, SGS's 8 & 10) are not answered or returned. Text that SGD-13 was in crisis, 72-hour hold etc was not answered.

I ran a quick "arrest/warrant" search for New Mexico and her name did not appear. Guess she's not locked up.

SO "has a really bad feeling" and thinks she could be dead. How would you know? What if she is a Jane Doe?

Suggestions?

EDIT: alcohol and pot were drugs of choice.

Comments

Indigo's picture

SD-30 was AWOL for most of the last 3 years but she was angry at SO for dating me and dodging a felony warrant. This Spring she surfaced, went to jail, cleaned up her fines, got in contact with her children and appeared to be doing much better. SO & I had to cancel the "visitation train" we scheduled to take her children to visit her in July due to volatility in her living situation. A few weeks later her BF kicked her out and she moved cities to live with birth mom who gave her up at age 10 ... The last phone call, SD told SO that she had to leave since her birth mom moved from alcohol to meth.

uofarkchick's picture

So your husband sent her booze money? Not a smart move. Probably explains why no one has heard from her.

Indigo's picture

SO is why I am here on STepTalk. I just didn't realize that when I joined.

Indigo's picture

She is an adult and free to skip town, go on a bender, whatever. With her history of going AWOL, it becomes more difficult. I'm wrestling with what to suggest to SO.

I encouraged him to go through the call logs and write down all #s she either called from or that he called. I also suggested that he call her friend she sporadically contacts.

uofarkchick's picture

You sound like you've had this game played with you one too many times. You're obviously smart enough to know that she's going to do what she wants regardless of how it hurts others.

If her children are that worried about her, why aren't they filing a missing person's report? I take it she's burnt some bridges?

notarelative's picture

If the children were old enough they could file, but the original post says her children are 13, 10, and 8.
The OP's DH is the one who has standing to file.

BethAnne's picture

I'm sorry that this is happening. I can't imagine the stress and distress this is causing you, your husband and her kids. Can you maybe call some shelters or see if there are any homeless charities that keep track of people? I don't have any experience of this sort of thing to offer any sort of advice really, I just hope that you all hear from her soon. If you call her phone company you will be able to put some money on her phone, they won't tell you how much is owed or any details of her calls, but at least it will mean that if she still has access to it she has the ability to call you guys and receive your messages.

WalkOnBy's picture

I am with anotherstep - I think at this point, a report may need to be filed.

What an awful situation for your DH Sad

DaizyDuke's picture

If she had a car, then it must have plates on it. I would call police in her town and tell them the last known place where she was (living with friend) and have them do a BOLO for the car. My guess is, when your DH sent her money she used it to buy alcohol and pot instead of turning her phone on.

Maxwell09's picture

She might have used the money he gave her for something worse than pot so you might need to call her local police station and put out a missing report so they can find her and potentially get her some help.

Indigo's picture

Craziness continues, but I'm waiting for some more information before I try to update. Bottom-line: she is alive.