Pissed at DH Because MIL Shows Up at Hospital Unannounced
Had the C-section for BD2 on Wednesday, everything went well. Blobby red potato is the best description I have for her and BD1 is absolutely smitten with her little sister (keeps telling everyone it's HER baby, wanting to feed, hold, kiss, and comfort when the baby cries) and I am so happy because I was worried about jealousy issues but she really stepped up. Probably won't last long though.
DH is doing really good as far as taking care of BD1 while I'm in the hospital, and caring for BD2 when he's here.
MIL shows up yesterday (Thursday) without any warning whatsoever. DH and I actually thought it was a nurse at first because I had just called in for more pain meds when she walked in.
When I realized it was her, I was not as... reactive as I should have been--but the morphine made me a little slow.
DH just ignored her. WTF. So all the boundaries we had set for the last six months has gone completely out the window and we'll probably have to start from scratch.
My parents, when coming to the hospital, has called each time to check if it was an okay time. What if I was pumping, or going to the bathroom, or getting checked out by the doctor and she walks in like she owns the place?
I desperately wished DH would have said SOMETHING or did SOMETHING other than not talk to his mother the entire time. Even just to say, "hey mom, next time can you just give us a call before you head over so you don't catch us at a bad time?"
Then she goes: When can I see BD1 (she was napping on the couch in our maternity room)
DH: You're seeing her right now.
MIL: But she doesn't see ME.
I was too mortified at my hospital gown which has to cut outs at the breasts for easier access. In the end, I pretended to sleep so they just sat in silence.DH let her hold the baby for a bit but other than that, just continued to ignore her.
I'm going to talk to him when he gets here later but seriously, can I just please not have the milestones in my life marred by this woman?
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I wish I had this bond with
I wish I had this bond with my sister, lol, it would have made growing up a heck of a lot easier instead of fighting all the time (but we were Irish twins.)
I even asked DH to bring his mom for a short visit (when she showed up, she was dressed to the nines and had a driver waiting for her downstairs--she lives almost an hour away from the hospital) but he can't stand her so he didn't want to. And then she shows up so I fully blame him for this, which is why I'm not so much pissed at her (because I know this is what she does--she doesn't care about my boundaries because I didn't set them early on but she cares about BIL's wife's since she set her's way early) as I am at DH for not handling this situation. I had a BIG inkling she was going to pull something like this.
I'm going to push this next time and ESPECIALLY in the next few weeks because I can just see her showing up to my house unannounced.
Congrats on Baby. Put a do
Congrats on Baby.
Put a do not disturb sign on your door (the hospital has them). Even the nurses should be knocking before just bursting in. In my preferred hospital, even the dr raps on door if door is closed (unless emergency going on). You can also ask at the nurses desk to restrict your guest.
Oh yeah, our nurses do
Oh yeah, our nurses do usually knock but they did forget once or twice during this stay.
I'm out tomorrow (and won't ever be back since I got a tubal) but I should have asked the front desk to come and inform me if visitors show up. Next time I'm in the hospital for any reason, I'll do that.
Morphine is one helluva drug.
Morphine is one helluva drug.
Congrats on BD2! I had MIL
Congrats on BD2! I had MIL issues when I had BS6. Ugh. My water broke, but then nothing happened despite petocin, etc so we asked that nobody bother waiting around at the hospital since everything was so up in the air. 52 hours later, they ordered a C Section. It was about 4a.m. when they decided this, they just had to wait for Dr. to get there. So I called my mom, she said she'd be right there. DH calls MIL and instead of saying "Ok, I'll be there.. or I won't (it was NOT a big deal to us!) she asks DH if my mom was coming and if maybe he could call her and see if she could pick MIL up on her way. DH was like WTF? I don't have time for to be your secretary and taxi scheduler... either you come or you don't. She didn't.. which trust me was FINE!
So BS6 was delivered at 4:44 a.m. As you can imagine the rest of that day I was a groggy mess. I was trying to breast feed, but it wasn't going well, BS6 wasn't latching on and I was just uncomfortable with the whole sitch. So MIL shows up unexpectedly right when BS6 is screaming, a nurse is trying to help me get him latched and I was just crabby.. I said hi and I guess expected that she would survey the scene like a normal person and come back later. Nope, she just stands there watching and trying to talk. UGH! I just ignored her and she left, but then complained to SIL that I was mean to her. Whatever....
Oh no. I would have been
Oh no. I would have been mortified. I've never seen nor do I have a desire for my MIL to see everything bared out like that. I wouldn't even want my OWN mother to see me in that state!
Now you know DH won't/can't
Now you know DH won't/can't enforce boundaries with her.
Good, now you know. Get your script and speeddial out, decide what you will say and what you will do EVERY.SINGLE.TIME from now on, and do it.
ETA: Forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS! xoxo
Thanks moe! I literally have
Thanks moe!
I literally have no idea why DH didn't absolutely lose his shit when she showed up. At any other time he would have since he's lost it with her about her showing up unannounced to other things plenty of times--but he was immersed on his computer (something about his stats homework for his last class in his masters). Instead, he just acted like she wasn't there. Then today, he decides (even though he did say to her he might drop BD1 off with her for a little bit) I don't know, out of passive aggressive spite, to not bother letting her watch BD1. I know she's going to be pissed off about that.
When DH came today, I just asked him to please remind his mom to call before visiting. He agreed. I know he's busy and really stressed with the start of school and all so I was nice about it instead of railing into him.
A lot of people ask for
A lot of people ask for visitors to make appointments or ask that they wait until they are discharged for visitors. I had my mom & MIL in the birthing suite with me because I wanted my mom to experience the birth of ther first grandchild and SO's mom was never included in that part of the process for any of her other grandchildren so I wanted her to have that too plus be a support for my SO as my mom can be very overbearing at times. People came and went pretty freely, I didn't notice much as I just thought it was normal-everyone was excited and I was was a hot mess the whole time but I just had a baby was in a lot of pain and if they expected anything else well, that was just too bad. The only time I suggested someone leave was my coworker came for dinner at the hospital (we are really close) and when we got back to the room I told her I needed to go #2 and it was the first time since I gave birth so she had to go because I didn't know what was going to happen. She laughed, agreed and told me to let her know how it went. Obviously I'm not bashful, but I can understand why some people might want to be a hot mess on their own without extra eyes.
I would never stop and visit
I would never stop and visit someone in the hospital without their prior approval. Not my style.
When my sister had a double
When my sister had a double mastectomy, she didn't want ANYONE there except me or one sister-in-law. And she was royally p!ssed at that SIL who posted a FB pic of her walking the hall (doc's orders) in hospital jammies and robe with a look of excruciating pain on her face. Thankfully, my brother read his wife the riot act and she removed the offending photo.
My dumb ass sister posted a
My dumb ass sister posted a picture of my dad walking the hall after his quadruple bypass (I did not see it, don't have FB). His wife was pissed and told her to take it down immediately, which she did. My dad would have been mortified.
So frickin' rude.
Hi sueu! Thanks, I actually
Hi sueu! Thanks, I actually thought it might be the case that there are certain cultures or families that don't call beforehand to visit at the hospital... Like how there are certain families that don't see a problem with showing up unannounced to someone's house.
But her family evidently does--BIL texted earlier asking if he and his wife could come by, and when DH's aunt was in the hospital, MIL asked Aunt's daughter if she could visit first (aunt was already in a coma), so she's... selective about who she applies the boundary with.
I could have been positively boony wild if she had shown up at the wrong time since the doctor's are always coming to check on the lady bits and the scar. My gown literally has two cutouts at the boobs (think Mean Girls when the main character cutout the breasts of the other girl's shirt) and I mean, I'm comfortable with my body but not that comfortable.
My hormones are definitely hypervigilent right now. I couldn't stand her before but now it's like, please just leave me alone. Please. I don't mind if you and DH set up times and stuff but give me some notice so I can either make myself scarce or prepare myself. Otherwise I literally feel like I could be ambushed by her at any time.
Same thing I was thinking
Same thing I was thinking when I read the OP. Never heard of, have, or expected such. So not something I would think to do either (make and appointment to visit someone in a hospital)
Interesting! I just realized
Interesting! I just realized this might be a regional thing. I'm on the east coast but you and sueu2 are from Michigan and Ohio, respectively (which border one another.)
I and almost everyone I know expects to be contacted beforehand.
My best friend even triple checked with me ("are you SURE you're up to me visiting?") before coming in. As did my other friend who works at the pharmacy in the hospital I delivered at (pure coincidence on this one--haven't talked to him in two years and we touched based with each other the night before and we find out he's there.)
Again, it looks like it's a regional thing.
congrats on the new
congrats on the new stinker!!!!
now for MIL, wait till you are at home, if she shows her face with out an invite, set her straight, simply say MIL we've talked about this before, you can not come and go as you please, now please respect my wishes, good bey and slam the door in her face...
I think I'm just going to
I think I'm just going to squirt breast milk at her. At this point, I'm a pretty good shot.
I am a bit lost right now as to what to do after BIL and SIL visited. I will have another blog up soon.